


Like Lamb to the Slaughter

by Bartholomew_S



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Age Difference, Alpha Christophe Giacometti, Alpha Otabek Altin, Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha Yuri Plisetsky, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Anxiety, Attempted Underage Rape/Non-Con By an OC, Badass Katsuki Yuuri, Badass Victor Nikiforov, Distrust, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Human Trafficking, Kidnapping, M/M, Mafia boss Victor Nikiforov, Misunderstandings, Murder, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Russian Mafia, Violence, self injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 54,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23336713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bartholomew_S/pseuds/Bartholomew_S
Summary: At just the tender age of 16, Yuuri Katsuki has to fight to survive.Because of the murder of his family, he has no choice but to trust Yakov Feltsman, head of Japan's Omega Crime Defense Unit and Mari's old boss, to help him get to safety. But when Victor Nikiforov, a mafia boss rumored to be so violent and bloodthirsty, offers to take him under his wing and Yakov readily agrees, Yuuri feels betrayed.But he is not a weak man. This will not be his death sentence.He will get out of here, even if it means attempting to kill Victor many times until he succeeds.
Relationships: Brief Christophe Giacometti/Michele Crispino, Katsuki Yuuri & Yuri Plisetsky, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti
Comments: 100
Kudos: 392





	1. Like Lamb to the Slaughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR ENTIRE WORK:  
> This is quite a heavy story so please heed the warnings before you read. There will be quite a bit of violence throughout the chapters as well as a lot of scenes that depict anxiety attacks, crime, and murder. If any of these triggers you, please beware.  
> There will be NO dubcon or rape or underage sex or any of the sort between any of the main relationships, especially between Yuuri and Victor. Yuuri is cared for and respected.  
> CHAPTER WARNING:  
> Please note that there is an attempt to force an underage character into a sexual act. It does NOT get far at all and it is not explicit, but the suggestion is there.

The first thing Yuuri becomes aware of is the sound of screams. He wakes up with a jolt and that’s when he smells the acrid smoke. _Fire._ He jumps out of bed, fumbles in the darkness to put on his glasses and shoes, and heads for the door. But before he can even take a couple of steps, Mari is already kicking it open. His sister’s eyes are wild and her shirt is ripped at her right shoulder, a deep gash visible underneath and blood trailing down to her fingers. 

Before he can ask what on earth is happening, she yells: “Yuuri! Get under the bed now! Hurry up!”

He's moving before he can even think about it, driven purely by instinct and memory with how many times Mari has practiced their escape drill. 

Since starting her position as an officer in the Omega Crime Defense Unit [OCDU] of Japan’s Police Force, she has lived in fear that one day she will put behind bars an alpha angry and powerful enough to seek retribution. So she has made it her responsibility to make sure Yuuri knows how to defend himself, knows where her safe house is, and even that Yuuri memorizes the number for her boss, Yakov Feltsman, in case something happens to her and Yuuri is left alone.

“Stay here and don’t move until I come and get you, okay?” 

She doesn’t wait for him to respond. She runs back out, closing his bedroom door behind her. Yuuri pulls the blanket down from the side of his bed and curls up into a fetal position, making himself as invisible as he possibly can. Someone kicks the door open again but this time he doesn’t move, trying to keep still his rapid heart and stay as motionless as possible.

He hears a voice he doesn’t recognize, “Where is he? Are you sure there’s supposed to be one more kid?”

Another unknown voice. “Yeah, she has a brother. Supposed to be a male omega too.” 

He feels a shiver run down his spine. _They know. Have they come for me?_

Just as he’s breathing a sigh of relief from what he thinks are receding footsteps, he sees a face duck down under the bed. This man has jet-black hair, thick eyebrows, and dark brown eyes. A slow, lascivious smile forms on his face as he stares at Yuuri’s frightened one. His accent is thick when he yells, “I found him!”

Yuuri hears footsteps run back to the room and someone says, “Good job, Seung Gil,” but he can’t see where they are. Suddenly, he feels hands yanking at his feet and he releases a blood-curdling scream as he’s pulled out from underneath the bed. A black bag is placed over his face and darkness floods his vision before he can even get a glimpse of his attackers. He thinks he might still be screaming but he can’t even hear his voice over the sound of gunshots and explosions. 

He feels the familiar rise of a panic attack building in his chest, there’s tears forming in his eyes, and his breathing becomes labored. He tries to remember all the tricks he’s accumulated over the years to calm himself but nothing comes to him now. He tries to control his breathing but the overpowering smoke in the air makes him choke and cough violently. He falls to his knees as he doubles over in pain, gasping to stop the burning in his lungs. 

“Yuuri! Look at me and just breathe. Just breathe in and out. It will be okay.”

It’s Mari’s voice. The bag is removed from his head and he has to squint to adjust to the assault of light from the fire blazing around him. It’s unbearably hot and the smell is absolutely appalling. He blinks his tears away and looks around, only to instantly wish he didn’t. 

His sister and his parents all sit across from him, bruises scattered over their faces and hands tied behind their backs. Forming a small circle around them are men Yuuri’s never seen before. The entrance to the inn behind them has collapsed into rubble and the pathway to the onsen behind their house is consumed by the flames. _Everything is gone_. 

He stands and attempts to run to his family but someone kicks behind his knees and pushes a foot down the middle of his back. He falls with a yelp of pain as his face is pressed roughly against the concrete floor. He tilts his head to the side and sees the same man he saw from underneath the bed with the same creepy smile on his face. Somewhere across from him, he hears Mari say, “Shhh, Yuuri, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay!”

“Don’t touch him! Please, don’t touch him! He’s just a boy. Please, don’t touch my son!” It's his father's voice, “Please, I’m sorry. We can’t pay you all of it. We’ve been barely scraping by. Let me pay just a part of it and I promise you we’ll have the rest by the end of the month!” His father is crying now, fear and grief evident in his voice.

Someone is pulling Yuuri up so that he’s on his knees again, sitting on his heels. He hears footsteps from behind him and has to tilt his head back to gaze at the tall man that’s stopped next to him. He’s got an undercut hairstyle and he’s wearing a shirt in a garish shade of purple. Yuuri has never seen this man before but knows enough from the dark tattoo of a ram on his shoulder that he’s part of the Yakuza.

“You said the same thing last month, Toshiya. But you failed to meet the payment last time too. Unfortunately for you, I really don’t like it when people are dishonest.” 

“Please, JJ, I beg of you! Leave him alone, he’s too young. He played no part in this! He won’t be able to do anything for you. Plea-!”, his father grunts and doubles over in pain as one of JJ’s men kicks him hard on his stomach. 

“Oh, I beg to differ, Toshiya. I think your boy is exactly what I need.” He trails a hand down the side of Yuuri’s face and Yuuri has to hold back the bile that threatens to come out of his mouth. 

“See, I heard a little rumor that you’ve been hiding quite a big secret within your family.” A hand grabs Yuuri roughly by his chin and he’s forced to look at JJ in the eyes. JJ gives him a rakish look and hums appreciatively at what he sees. 

“Oh my… even with the scent blockers you have on, I can already tell you are neither an alpha nor a beta.” JJ’s hands move to tug Yuuri’s shirt with such force that it rips. He hears a few whistles and growls from the men around him and he couldn’t help the whimper and the tears that are now pouring down his face. “Yes, I think he will definitely fetch a pretty price at an auction, don’t you think?” 

JJ releases Yuuri to one of his men and says, “Emil, take one of the cars and go take him to see Dr. Carter quickly. We need to verify his identity and.. purity”. 

The man, Emil, binds Yuuri’s wrists and moves to drag him away. Yuuri thinks he should put up a fight but Mari is already screaming to him, “Yuuri, it’s okay! Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Remember Hasetsu”. She gives him a pointed look. “Do you understand, Yuuri? Just think of Hasetsu.” 

Yuuri nods in understanding. Most people listening in on their exchange might simply think it’s his sister telling him to just think of Hasetsu, the town where he’s lived all his life, and maybe it will bring him comfort in such a frightening situation. But Yuuri understands the code. _Don’t fight now, You won’t win. There will be a time and place to fight later._

So he allows himself to be dragged away from his family. He hears his parents outcry and another plea to let him go. 

He hears 3 gunshots. 

Silence.

Yuuri chokes on a sob. 

By the time Emil pushes him into a car, Yuuri feels numb all over. Every fiber of his being feels like a match set on fire. He is burning with fury and fear but his sister’s words encase him like a glass case, quelling this flame and keeping him grounded. He has to follow her instructions until he knows for sure he’s safe. That’s what she trained Yuuri to do. _Don’t stop until you know you’re safe._ _There will be a time and place to fight later but don’t give up until then. There will be time to process later. Just get to safety._

Yuuri is not a weak man. He can fight. He will fight. There will be a time to grieve once he’s safe. 

Even when he feels a sharp pain behind his head, he feels calm as darkness overtakes him. 

_______________________________

When Yuuri wakes up, he’s in a hospital bed. A nurse is on his bedside, checking the fluid levels on the IV bag connected to his arm. He tries to speak but all that comes out is a garbled cough. The nurse shoves a glass of water with a straw on his hands and orders, “Drink this. Your throat’s just dry.” 

Yuuri takes it and drinks with fervor. He sets the drink aside and gives the nurse a cautious look, “Where am I?”

“You're in a hospital bed. This is Dr. Carter’s clinic”, the nurse holds out her hand, “I’m Sara Crispino. I’m a nurse here.” 

The doctor’s name is like a bucket of ice-cold water poured over Yuuri’s head. He begins to look around the room nervously, scanning for any sign that JJ or one of his men is still lurking around the corner. 

Sara must notice the immediate change in his demeanor because she assures him, “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Dr. Carter doesn’t allow any alphas in the omega wing.”

“T-there’s a wing specifically for omegas in this hospital?”

“Oh yes! Although I think we’re one of the last few remaining in Kyushu. It’s become more and more dangerous with the Yakuza’s reach expanding but the head of the OCDU himself makes sure we are provided with security here.” She looks at Yuuri shyly and adds, “I must say, you are the first male omega I’ve ever seen. You’re absolutely breathtaking!” She has an abashed look on her face as if she’s afraid to have said what she did. But Yuuri is more focused on the first part of what she’s just said.

“In Kyushu? What- are we not in Hasetsu anymore? “

“No, you’re in Haeda”, she tilts her head at him. “I think you hit your head pretty badly so your memory might be fuzzy for a few days.” She takes the water from where Yuuri’s set it down on his bed and moves towards the door. “Don’t worry though, I can tell your partner that you’re awake.” 

“Wait!” Yuuri nearly falls off the bed in an attempt to stop her. “Who brought me here?”

“Some guy with long brown hair and a full beard. I think he said his name was Emil? Yeah, Emil Nikolai.”

Yuuri begins to sob and he pleads with her, “Please, he’s lying. He isn’t my partner. They killed my family and they are taking me to some auction to sell! Please, you have to believe me!”

Sara looks at him with horror and Yuuri hopes it’s enough for her to believe him. 

“Um, okay. Wait here, I’ll go get Dr. Carter and you can talk to her, okay? I’m sure she can have someone take you somewhere safe. Stay here and I’ll be right back.” 

He keeps his grip tight on her arms as he all but screams, “NO! You don’t understand. I heard JJ tell Emil to take me here to Dr. Carter specifically! I think she’s working for them. Please, just tell me how to get out of here!” 

There’s a flicker of doubt in Sara’s eyes. She looks to the door and back at Yuuri and nods. “Okay, I’ll help you.” 

She shoves a bag to him filled with his dirty clothes, “Here, change out of your hospital gown. I’ll go and grab my keys so we can go straight to the garage. I’ll drive you wherever you need to. Do you have a phone?” When Yuuri shakes his head, she adds, “Okay. I have a phone back in my locker as well. Stay here and I’ll come back for you, okay?” 

Yuuri nods and whispers, “Thank you so much”, before Sara leaves the room. He changes into his clothes and yanks the IV out of his arm. 

Yuuri has no choice but to sit still and hope that Sara does come back for him. But not even 5 minutes after she’s left the room, Emil walks in. He looks furious as he asks, “What did you tell her?”

_Oh god, no_. Yuuri flinches as Emil stalks right up to him, muttering something in a language Yuuri can’t understand. He says, “I’m sorry but it’s either you or my family. I don’t want to do this either. I’m sorry,” before he’s lifting Yuuri up onto his shoulder and running out of the room, phone in hand as he tries to call someone. 

He yanks the door to the floor’s emergency exit and runs down multiple flights of stairs while yelling at someone on the phone, “Hurry up and bring the car around to the back of the hospital! We have to hurry!” 

What Yuuri hears is enough to propel him to action and he starts flailing and kicking with all his might. He succeeds in getting Emil just right underneath his ribcage and he drops Yuuri, groaning in pain and clutching at his stomach. He shouts at Yuuri’s retreating form, “You little bitch! Come back here!”

Yuuri thinks he hears Emil yelling at someone on his phone but he doesn’t dare look back. He keeps going down the flight of stairs until he sees a door to go back to one of the hospital’s corridors. He yanks it open hoping to see any hospital staff he can ask for help only to come face to face with JJ. 

_No, please, no._

“Bad choice, kid. Bad choice,” JJ tuts before Yuuri feels a cloth being pressed up to his face and once again, everything fades to black. 

_________________________

When Yuuri wakes up this time, the first thing he notices is a bright white light shining in front of him. He squints and as he attempts to cover his eyes with his hands, he realizes that his hands are tied. And so are his feet. 

He looks around, trying to tamper the panic bubbling from his chest as he tries to understand where he is. He hears more than he sees a man speaking from a microphone.

“Aah, it seems like our wildcard item for this evening is finally awake! Lay your eyes on the most prestigious find to have ever graced this auction stage! Here we have a young male omega, 16 years of age, and his purity is certified.” There is a resounding cheer from the audience and Yuuri can’t help but weep once more. He thinks _this is it. I had my chance to fight, Mari. But I couldn’t do it. How can I get myself out of this one?_

Almost as if Mari herself has whispered it to him, a thought occurs to Yuuri. He looks up and scans the crowd of people vying to have him on their bed, have him as their property. It gives him a little bit of hope that most of them are older, probably in their late 50s to 60s. When his final bid is announced and the winner declared, Yuuri looks to his new owner: an old man named John Smith, perhaps around 65 years old, a bit heavyset and walking with a limp on one leg. That sliver of hope grows larger and a calm takes over Yuuri. _The time to fight has come. I can still get out of this._

He holds his head up high as he’s led off the auction stage and out the exit door where a large, black, unmarked SUV is waiting for him. He pays no mind to Mr. Smith in the front passenger seat and the sly looks he gives Yuuri in the backseat. He does pay attention to what the old man says as they climb out of the car, “You can go for the night, Sebastian. I’ll call you to come fetch us in the morning.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to keep an eye out, sir?”

“No, I would like to get acquainted with my lovely new purchase without being disturbed.” Smith even grabs Yuuri’s ass and leers at him as if to prove his point. Yuuri looks away before he does something to make this despicable man change his mind. 

The driver tips his hat and says, “Alright, have a good evening, boss” before he finally drives off. Smith turns to Yuuri and wraps an arm around his waist, still leering, as he leads them both to a discreet entrance to a grande, luxurious hotel. _This is their first mistake_ , Yuuri thinks with satisfaction. 

Yuuri looks down at his cuffed wrists and thinks _second mistake._

When they enter the room, Yuuri feels relief flood his veins when he affirms that they are alone. _Third mistake._

He feels lighter now and doesn’t put up a fight when Smith leads him to the bed and tugs him into his lap. They are positioned as such that they are parallel to the short side of the bed. If Yuuri could smile in glee at how easy it will be to kill this man, he would. But instead, he looks up shyly at Smith and encourages him to move further up the bed so that when he lies down, his head is as close to the edge as possible. Then, Yuuri pushes him down and he pretends his hands are shaking from the nerves instead of anticipation as he unbuttons the old man’s shirt, discreetly checking that he is unarmed _._

Yuuri tosses the shirt aside and leans his head down like he’s going to kiss the man underneath him. But this is when the balance shifts. He looks down at Smith with cold eyes and presses the links between his handcuffs down on the man’s throat. 

Smith’s eyes widen when he realizes what’s going on and begins to struggle, attempting to throw Yuuri off him. But Yuuri is already one step ahead. He flips his body off the bed so that now he is on the floor and the old man’s head is just right above his own, the links of his cuffs never leaving the spot where they are pressing down on the man’s throat. Then, with all the strength Yuuri can muster in his lithe body, he pulls down as hard as he can. He ignores the churning in his stomach at the gurgling sound coming from above him. Instead, he focuses on putting all his weight forward as he pulls down. He tries to recall what Mari told him once. _It takes 30-60 seconds for a man to pass out from strangulation. Oxygen deprivation takes over in 4-6 minutes._

He waits long after Smith stops moving and gurgling before he stands up. 

He leans over Smith’s dead body to check for a pulse on his neck. He feels nothing so he moves to pat down the old man’s suit pants, hoping he kept the key to the handcuffs somewhere on his person. He says a hushed “Yes!” when he finds them in one of the suit pockets. 

Once he’s taken the handcuffs off, he grabs Smith’s wallet and mobile phone, already punching in Yakov’s number before he’s even out the door. He briefly says a prayer to whoever’s listening while the phone rings that Yakov really is as good of a man as his sister promised. 

“ _If it ever comes to a point where I can’t help you, call this number. Yakov Feltsman is my boss, he’s a good man and he’ll make sure you’re safe. Memorize it so you’ll always have it with you”_ is what Mari used to tell him during their escape drills. Yuuri hopes that Yakov has not been in JJ’s pockets all this time because he knows that his fate will be bad if he’s returned to JJ’s hands or perhaps even much worse when he finds out that Yuuri’s killed one of his clients. 

“Who the hell is this?” Yakov’s voice is harsh and raspy on the other end of the line. 

“Is this Yakov Feltsman?” Yuuri doesn’t know why but his voice starts to shake. Perhaps the adrenaline is gone and his body is dropping very quickly. 

Yakov demands angrily, “That depends. Who the hell is this and how did you get this number?”

“This is Yuuri. Yuuri Katsuki? Mari is _-was-_ my sister. She gave me your number and told me to call you if I ever needed any help. Can you help me? Hello?”

Yuuri fears the worst when Yakov remains silent on the other line. A hundred thoughts raced through his head. Should he hang up the phone? What if Yakov is working with JJ and he’s trying to trace this call now? Did he make a mistake? Did Mari make a mistake trusting this guy? But his thoughts are interrupted when Yakov stutters on the other end. He hears him start and stop the beginning of what sounds like questions of _how, what, where?_ But he settles on the most important one, “Where are you? Let me know and I’ll come get you.”

Yuuri almost collapses on the floor in relief. He’s so tired but he can’t rest yet. He has to get out of here. He has to keep moving. So he walks until he’s out of the hotel and can relay what he sees to Yakov and they go back and forth until they can agree on where he currently is and where they should meet.

This is how Yuuri finds himself in a small coffee shop about a 10-minute walk from the hotel. His leg bounces nervously as he keeps glancing towards the entrance. He is nervous about whether Yakov really will show up or whether JJ’s men will find him first. Not that he has any other choice but to run anyway; He’s already disposed of his phone after the call so there’s no other way to contact anyone else if either one of those scenarios does happen.

However, he thinks someone might really be looking out for him somehow because he sees Yakov walk through the door, wearing a long gray trench coat, a bright green scarf and a bowler hat, just like he told Yuuri he’d be wearing. 

They don’t bother sitting down to talk. They walk out together and into Yakov’s car that’s parked just outside the cafe. The drive is silent all the way to Yakov’s safe house. It’s only when they’ve gone inside and settled on the dining table, sitting across from each other, that Yuuri finally speaks. 

“Thank you”, he says softly, “And I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

Yakov shakes his head and says, “Yuuri, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad you trusted me enough to call me.” He takes a deep breath because he knows this next conversation is not going to be an easy one. “Yuuri, would you like to know anything about what happened to your family?”

Yuuri feels tears already rolling down his cheeks but he wipes at them furiously and nods his head. He really doesn’t want to. But he _has to know. He’s safe now. He can process. The time to grieve is now._

Yakov nods in return before he says, “They set the whole inn on fire. We found them after we extinguished the fire. Your parents and Mari were shot once in the head.”

Yuuri chokes on a sob. They were killed execution-style like criminals. 

“Yuuri, I know this must be hard for you but I need to ask… do you know why they came to your parents’ _onsen_ in the first place?”

Yuuri shakes his head and says, “No, absolutely not! I really don’t know. I’ve never even seen any of those men until that night. I still have no idea who JJ is. All I know is that he had a ram tattoo on his left arm so I know he’s involved in the Yakuza. But what would the Yakuza want from us?”

Yakov pulls a folder of papers from his coat and he pushes it across the table to Yuuri. “You don’t have to look at them, but this is what we’ve found so far. Apparently your father took out a loan from JJ to try and keep the onsen alive. I don’t believe your father really knew what kind of conditions JJ set for him when he took the money though. It’s highly likely he didn’t even know JJ was part of the Yakuza because he owns a legitimate money-lending business in Hasetsu.”

Yuuri opens the folder, pulling up one of the many bank statements showing the loan amount his parents owed. He furrows his brows in confusion and says, “I don’t understand... My parents never mentioned anything and neither did Mari. Surely she would have told me if she knew my parents were basically bankrupt?” He looks at Yakov, seeking for answers. 

Yakov just shrugs and says. “I don’t think your sister knew either. Otherwise, she’d have come to me for help. She would have tried to move you somewhere safe if she knew of JJ’s threats. Now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t really think your mother knew about it either. I think your father was hiding the fact that he was losing a lot of money.”

“But that still doesn’t make sense. I helped out at the onsen as much as I could and we were always busy. I don’t understand how or when we started losing money.”

Yakov lifts another one of the bank statements from the folder and points. “I think your father may have had other things he was putting money into.”

Yuuri looks at the paper in Yakov’s hand and he sees it. One withdrawal for 200,000 Yen in just one month. He looks at the other statements in the folder and sure enough, it was there. Some amount of money withdrawn from their account every month ranging from 50,000 Yen to 250,000. “What was he doing with it?”

“We haven’t been able to find out. Your father took the money out in cash so it’s harder to trace. But, from what I’ve seen in my line of work, it’s usually gambling or women that most men would put money into and try their hardest to hide it.”

The thought of either of those things and his father hiding it from all of them pained Yuuri. He has so many questions but no one left to answer them. Will this be the rest of his life? Running away from the mistakes that resulted from his father’s secret life? 

It leaves a bitter taste in Yuuri’s mouth and it’s the first time he’s felt something other than the fear and the anxiety he’s felt the past few days. 

“So what should I do now? I don’t think I’ll be able to pay all of his loans back even if someone decides to give a 16-year-old boy with no education or experience a job.” 

Yakov gives him an incredulous look, bewildered that Yuuri is even considering taking the responsibility for his father’s mistakes. “No, Yuuri. You should not hold yourself responsible for that. Don’t worry, I’ll find somewhere safe for you to stay for the long term. I can’t promise how soon it will be, but I promise you that I’ll try with all my resources to keep you safe. In the meantime, I have various safehouses across Japan you can stay in, just so we know you’re not being tracked down.” 

At the promise of finally being safe, Yuuri’s shoulders drop in relief. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been since he was taken from his home. The days have stretched into a long and never-ending nightmare that Yuuri feels he’s only just now woken up from. But he’s so tired and he’s finally safe here so when he feels his eyes begin to droop and a yawn escapes from his lips, he doesn’t try to fight it. Instead, he says, “I think I need to go lie down for a bit.”

After Yakov gets him settled on the couch with a blanket over him, he drifts off to sleep as soon as his head hits the cushions. Yakov tucks the blanket around Yuuri one more time before he steps out to the front porch to focus on his next task. 

He has to make a phone call and he already knows he won’t enjoy it. But _this person_ might be the only hope Yuuri has of getting out of this country alive. He just hopes Yuuri is able to see that when they meet instead of allowing what Yakov is sure are very nasty rumors to cloud his judgment. 

He pulls his phone out and looks through his contact list for Victor Nikiforov. He waits with bated breath as it rings and curses when Victor picks up just after the second ring. 

“Vitya”, he clears his throat, “how have you been?”

There is a brief pause and Yakov has to double-check that the call didn’t disconnect. “Yakov, is that you? Well, well.. what do I owe this pleasure?” 

Yakov can hear the smugness in Victor’s tone and he can already feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on. “Can a man not reach out to his godson to catch up? I did raise you for the first 18 years of your life, you ungrateful son of a bitch.”

The sound of Victor’s laugh is deep and rich even through the phone. “Yes, of course! But we both know we severed such intimate ties a long time ago. So I’ll ask again, what do you want?”

“I need you to take someone in.”

Victor pauses again, and Yakov holds his breath, expecting some immediate rejection. “What, a recruit? I have no need for more enforcers in the Bratva. You also should know that I don’t hire from the outside.”

Yes, Yakov knows this. Loyalty is the best asset in Victor’s line of work, after all. Members of the Bratva come from a long line of families that have served the Pakhan and his previous predecessors for generations. That is the way of the Bratva. 

But, for Yuuri, Yakov persists, “No, that’s not what I meant. There’s a boy, his name is Yuuri Katsuki. I need you to take him in. I don’t know how much protection I can provide for him here.”

“A boy? Yakov, what have you gotten yourself into?” Victor has almost a worried tone in his voice. “Do you have some kind of illegitimate child with a wife of someone more powerful than you?” 

“It’s nothing like _that_ \- God, do you really think so low of me to assume such a thing?- This boy is 16 years old and his sister was one of my best officers. She was killed and so was the rest of their family. I don’t know what the full story is yet but I think their father owed a lot of money to JJ. But after too many missed payments, JJ came to collect.” Yakov’s hand is shaking now, but he continues, “But they didn’t kill the boy. He’s a young omega, you see,” He hears Victor’s breath hitch. 

While female omegas are becoming harder to find these days, male omegas are almost unheard of. In fact, until Yakov himself heard of Mari’s brother, he’s never even met one, which is saying a lot considering his job and his age. Male omegas are rumored to be absolutely beautiful and their naturally calm and submissive disposition makes them the perfect mate and something that the right person will pay a hefty sum to have. “So JJ took him to sell to the highest bidder.”

“Fucking bastard, he’s just a fucking boy”, Victor says and his voice is riddled with barely contained disdain. Yakov smiles because _this_ is exactly what differs Victor from the likes of JJ. 

Victor is known in the underground world as incredibly vicious and violent, the kind of alpha that gets off on blood on his hands. While that may be true, Victor is also a just man, how ironic that maybe. He provides for those who are loyal, respects those who strive to make it on their own, deals punishment accordingly to those who are disloyal, and to those who are considered scums of this earth- pedophiles, human traffickers, rapists, racists, you name it- Victor is just unrepentantly merciless. 

“But that’s not the worst of it. Yuuri was sold to one of JJ’s wealthiest clients, an American by the name of John Smith. He owns a lot of casinos and he pipelines a good percent of it to JJ’s group in exchange for providing for his… younger vices. He’s purported to be one of the greatest resources to a lot of the human trafficking rings between America and Canada.”

“ _Blyad_ , these fucking Americans, I swear.” He hears Victor let out a few and more colorful profanities in Russian before he continues, “Where is the boy now? Is he still with the sleaze?”

“Oh no. John Smith is dead.” Yakov smiles at the pause on the other end. It’s not every day that you can render Victor speechless. 

“Oh, fuck. Yakov, what did you-”

“I did nothing. It was Yuuri.”

This time, the silence stretches for what feels like hours. Victor is hesitant when he asks, “… What do you mean?”

“I mean he killed Mr. Smith. Strangled him with the cuffs that they left on his wrists.”

“Jesus fucking Christ”, Victor breathes. 

Yakov nods as if he’s having a face to face conversation with Victor. “He escaped the hotel and managed to phone me. I picked him up and he’s here with me in one of my safe houses. “ He turns around to look back inside the house, just to make sure Yuuri is still asleep. “Vitya, I knew nothing of it. Mari- his sister- she never said she was in any trouble. Otherwise, I would have made preparations so they can all leave the country without being tracked. But everything happened so quickly. I don’t know how long I can keep him safely hidden here. I’m sure JJ will be willing to waste a few of his men to find the boy who killed his wealthiest investor. So I’d like to ask for your help. If you can take him in, it will save his life.”

Victor doesn’t even hesitate when he responds, “Consider it done, Yakov. I can have a jet ready for you in an hour. The flight to Japan should take about 7 or 8. I can have Georgi fly you in and drive you to the estate. Will you be okay until then?”

“Certainly.” Yakov exhales a breath he didn’t even know he’s been holding. 

“Okay, let me know if anything changes and I’ll do what I can to help you.”

“Thank you, Vitya. I owe you a big favor for this.” Yakov ends the call and turns to Yuuri’s sleeping form once more. He grips the phone in his hand and prays that he did not commit the worst mistake of his life by trusting Victor. 

_______________________

Yakov tries to wake Yuuri up with a light, gentle shake to his shoulder but he still shoots up and out of the couch, hands held up in front of his face as if he’s trying to protect himself. 

“Yuuri, it’s okay. You’re safe here.” 

Yuuri finally opens his eyes and realizes where he is. _Yakov’s safe house. He’s safe. It’s over._

“Sorry, I just-” 

Yakov just nods at him in understanding. Deep inside, he feels a swell or rage. No kid of Yuuri’s age should ever have to go through what he’s just gone through. 

Yuuri asks, “How long was I asleep for?”

“About seven hours”, Yakov shrugs at the surprise in Yuuri’s face. “It’s okay. I’m sure after the adrenaline rush, you needed that much rest. I wish you could rest some more but we need to get moving soon.”

“Where are we going?” Yuuri says as he starts putting his shoes back on. He desperately wishes he can have a shower but he already fears imposing on Yakov. He’s already caused too much trouble.

“To the airport. We’re going to Russia.”

Yuuri looks at him like he’s gone insane. He repeats slowly, hoping he’s just misheard him, “Russia?”

Yakov nods in affirmation. When Yuuri’s confused frown deepens, he relents more information. “I have an old acquaintance there. He commissioned one of his private jets to fly us out of here,” he looks down at his watch before continuing, “The jet should be landing in about an hour.” He moves for the door, hoping Yuuri would take it as a sign to follow him out but Yuuri stops him with a hand on his arm. 

“Wait, what? So this old acquaintance of yours just happens to have _one_ of his many private jets and his own pilot on call? And he’s flying on his way here to fly us back to Russia?” 

Any other time, Yakov would have been too impatient to answer Yuuri’s questions. But with what the boy has been through, he can understand the suspicion. “Well, _he’s_ not old. He’s 29. I raised him until he was 18 years old. I can vouch for his character, Yuuri. I trust him with my life. He’s a good man, he’s wealthy and well-connected, which is how he’s able to do all this in such short notice.”

“And by well-connected you mean, what? Like how _you_ are well-connected or how JJ is well-connected?” Yuuri has to ask but he fears he already knows the answer. 

Yakov sighs and says, “I am not going to try and sugarcoat his character for you. He is the Pakhan, or the head, of Russia’s only Bratva, which is similar to Japan’s Yakuza. Some would consider him the most powerful man in the whole northern hemisphere. Compared to him, JJ is just a speckle of dirt underneath his shoe. “

This does not appease Yuuri in the slightest. He crosses his arms and looks at Yakov with a quizzical expression, “And you really expect me to believe that a man of that caliber is just going to waste his time and resources to help someone like me? What did he want in return?”

Yakov holds his hands out in defeat. “Look, Yuuri, there is simply not enough time right now for me to give you all the reasons why Victor would do this. Frankly, I don’t think you are in a position to argue anyway. I called some of my people back in Kyushu and they said JJ has been restless in trying to look for you. They found Smith’s body in the hotel room and now JJ’s other investors have backed out on him. He will not stop until he finds you. We can talk more on the way there but we really need to get going.”

He walks out without looking back, leaving no room for Yuuri to argue further. 

Yuuri follows Yakov to the garage and they drive to one of the smaller airports in Haeda. During the drive, Yuuri tries to comb through his memory of where he’d heard the name “Victor” before. He’s certain that Mari had mentioned that name a few times but he can’t put any memory to the name. Then he remembers the last thing Yakov said before they left the safe house. 

He turns to Yakov to ask, “Dr. Carter, do you know who she is?”

Yakov grimaces at the name. “Yes, I was working with her back in Kyushu”, he puts a hand up to stop Yuuri from interrupting, “I know, I just found that out from my people. Apparently she’s been working with JJ under the table to verify the identity and… purity of the omegas that JJ and his group kidnap to sell to those auctions.” 

Yuuri lets out a gasp. “Are you saying there’s more? That this happens all the time?”

Yakov shakes his head. “As horrible as it sounds, it’s actually a lot better these days. Since the Omega Crime Defense Unit was established and more laws are put in place to protect omegas, we’ve been able to track down a lot of these trafficking rings. We’ve shut down plenty of them already. JJ’s group is one of the few and it’s a lot more difficult since most of his operations are in America, where we don’t have jurisdiction. The laws over there are also not as kind to omegas as it is here in Japan.” 

The rest of the drive is silent after that. 

Just as Yakov is driving into the parking garage of the airport, his phone rings. He answers in a language Yuuri doesn’t understand but he guesses it must be Russian. When they’ve parked, Yakov turns to him and says, “Georgi said he just landed. He’s on the tarmac meant for private planes, which means we can go in undetected, hopefully. But still, I need you to stay right next to me. Follow my pace, okay? I walk slow, you walk slow and I run, you run as fast as you can, do you understand?” 

Yuuri swallows the lump of fear on his throat and nods. He doesn’t know how much danger Yakov thinks they’re in but the way he is gripping Yuuri’s arm when they brisk-walk through the private terminal is enough to give him an idea. 

They finally make it to the plane where Georgi, a man with jet black hair and dark eyeshadow around his eyes, greet them with surprising enthusiasm. He gives Yakov a warm hug and pulls Yuuri into one as well. It’s only when the tarmac disappears behind thick dark clouds that Yuuri finally sighs in relief. He slumps back into his seat and closes his eyes. _They made it. He is safe._ Whatever worry he has ahead of him, he’ll worry about when he lands. 

________________________________________________


	2. You Were A Kindness When I Was A Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri arrives in Russia where he and Victor finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and wonderful comments! Thank you, I love you all <3
> 
> I can't think of any warnings for this chapter because it mostly lays the ground work for Victor and Yuuri's complicated relationship so there isn't much action outside of their interactions. 
> 
> But if you think I should add tags/warnings please let me know.

Yuuri wakes up an hour before they are set to land. He sees Yakov slumped over one of the chairs across from him, snoring softly. He smiles to himself and decides to get up and stretch his legs. 

As he looks around, he realizes just how big the plane is. When Yakov said a private jet, Yuuri was thinking of something with a smaller cabin. This looks like a full-fledged airbus. The seats are plush and covered in pristine white leather, set far between each other with plenty of room to lie flat or recline. 

He makes his way to the front of the cabin where he sees the pilot, Georgi Popovich, humming to himself and watching the digital radar feed on the dash. Georgi spots him and turns to him with a smile.

When he speaks, Yuuri hears a thick, rough accent laden with his words. “Hello, glad to see you're finally awake! There are drinks and some sandwiches on the back of the plane if you’re hungry. We should be landing in about an hour.”

Yuuri gives him a grateful smile and walks to the back of the plane, marveling at the large kitchen complete with a fridge, a sink, and drawers full of cutlery. He takes 2 bottles of water and a couple of sandwiches and brings it back to where Yakov’s just sat up, rubbing sleep away from his eyes. 

“Here, it might be good to eat or drink something. Georgi said we’re landing in about an hour.” He hands Yakov a water bottle and a sandwich and Yakov takes it with a nod. 

After a couple of bites, Yakov points to the seat across from him and says, “Yuuri, we need to talk about some things before we land.”

Once Yuuri sits down, Yakov asks, "Has Mari ever mentioned anyone by the name of Victor Nikiforov?”

Yuuri has been trying to recall any memory associated with that name on the way to the airport to no avail. But at the mention of Victor’s last name, everything clicks into place. 

He remembers Mari telling him of an Alpha mob boss, or as Yakov said, the Pakhan, who’s known to be ruthless and violent, immoral and bloodthirsty. He remembers seeing images of a tall man with pale skin, silver hair, and bright blue eyes that appear so chillingly cold even in the photographs. He feels like the blood in his veins just turned into ice. _Why him? How could Yakov trust someone like him to care for Yuuri? Is Yuuri even really going to be safe? Or is he going to keep living in fear for the rest of his life?_

His face must turn as pale as he feels because Yakov’s face changes to something of concern. “Yuuri, are you okay?”

Yuuri begins to tremble and his hands feel so cold. “V-Victor Nikiforov? Is that what you said?”

Yakov closes his eyes and runs a hand down his face. With a sigh, he asks, “Yes, what have you heard about him?” 

“W-what have I heard about him? Are you serious? I heard that he's like a rabid animal! That he's so consumed by his Alpha and its thirst for blood that he will hunt people for sport and kill for the thrill of it. I also heard that those who are unfortunate enough to live, they are kept as slaves. Is that what's going to happen to me?"

Yuuri can’t help the hot tears pouring down his face. _It’s so unfair. He didn’t come all this way just to be imprisoned._ “Why would you do this to me, Yakov? I’d rather die than become a slave to that _monster_. Please, don’t take me there! _Please, I beg you!”_

Yakov puts a hand on his left shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He says, slowly, “Yuuri, calm yourself. I need you to look at me and focus on what I’m about to say.”

Yuuri attempts to gather himself as much as he can. When he’s managed to reduce his cries to hiccoughs, he nods and says, “Okay.” 

“When you found yourself at that hotel, you trusted me enough to call me to pick you up, didn’t you?” 

“Yes.”

“And you trusted me to get you out of the country safely, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then trust me when I tell you that you will not be in any sort of danger with Victor. He is unlike the rumors that surround him. While it’s true that he is an Alpha and his hands are not certainly not clean, he only punishes those who deserve it. People akin to that man who bought you from that auction? Victor’s killed many of them. I would be the first to show my support in that.” 

He gives Yuuri a pointed look as if to say, _You’d say the same thing._ “Don’t misunderstand. I am not by any means trying to make light of his actions. I’m only asking that you give him a chance. Get to know him first, instead of letting these rumors obscure your decision. If it’s true that you feel in any way that you are in danger while under his care, I’ll pick you up myself and we’ll try to find somewhere else to move you to.” 

The implication that there really won’t be anywhere else Yuuri can go aside from Victor is clear in the air that hung between them. 

“Do you really think he can protect me from JJ?”

Yakov barks out a laugh as he leans back on his chair. “Oh Yuuri, JJ wouldn’t even stand a chance. Victor has long-established ties with a larger Yakuza group in Tokyo and Osaka. He needs only to give them the command and they will obliterate him. JJ knows this too. For a while, the amount of money he was getting from his investors made him feel protected. But now, he doesn’t have much of that left either. It’s why he’s trying his best to get you back.” 

“Why has Victor not done that yet, then? Why not kill JJ before his group got too big?”

Yakov shrugs as if the answer is obvious. “Like I said, Victor is not the same as most mob bosses you might hear about in Japan. He doesn’t waste his time in petty feuds between gangs. Every move he makes is calculated about 100 steps ahead. He knows JJ won't have much power if the source of his funds were to be cut off so he targets those sources first. He’s always hated those kinds of people anyway.”

Yuuri tilts his head to one side, “What do you mean?”

Yakov has a wistful expression on his face like he is recalling a fond memory. “Before he became Pakhan, there were 5 other Bratvas scattered across Russia. Those 5 built their empires on human trafficking. They had a network of enforcers that would pick up homeless people and orphans from all across Europe and Asia. When Victor took over, his first mission was to destroy them all and it only took him 6 months to do it. He hunted down the ring leaders, killed them with his own hands too, and set all of their compounds on fire. He’s been slowly making his way to America and Canada, where JJ’s investors are from. It hasn't been that easy to infiltrate but he's making progress. Although to be honest, after hearing what happened to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if they're all dead in a couple of months or less.” 

Yuuri doesn’t know whether the tremors in his body are caused by his awe at the sheer power and reach Victor has or if it’s caused by Yakov’s casual and almost proud retelling of Victor’s display of violence and strength. 

“So what do you think, Yuuri? Would you like to give this a chance?”

After a beat, Yuuri replies, “Okay. Let’s do it.” 

Later, when Yuuri disposes of their empty bottles and sandwich bags, he pockets 2 knives from the stack of silverware in one of the kitchen drawers. Just because Yakov trusts Victor, doesn’t mean Yuuri will do so just as easily. 

_________________________________

When Yuuri and Yakov step down from the plane, Yuuri has to stand behind Yakov’s burly frame to shield himself from the strong gusts of cold air. This must be what they mean by Russian winters, even though it’s only August. Yuuri looks around, trying to see where they are headed but what he sees, instead of a normal tarmac and an airport, is a vast empty lot. The ground beneath him is asphalt, with markings and cat-eyes, like you would see on an airport runway. Parked not far from where they landed is a black, unmarked Bentley. 

“Where on earth are we?”

Yakov merely chuckles and says “We’re still in Russia, don’t worry. This is the Bratva’s private runway.”

Yuuri wants to ask Yakov what that even means but Georgi is there, wrapping a coat around his shoulders and guiding him into the car with a gentle hand on his back, saying, "Come on, if you stay out here any longer, you'll freeze to death." 

Yuuri watches through the window as they speed down the runway. Georgi slows down when he pulls up to what Yuuri thinks must be Victor’s house. There’s a high, solid concrete fence surrounding the property and heavy metal gates that slowly part open. Out walks a man with a mix of blond and dark-brown hair. He leans over Georgi’s side of the window. 

“Georgi! Nice to see you made it back safely. Everything went fine?”

“Yes, Chris. Everything went according to plan.”

“Good, Victor will be glad to hear. Go on in, I’ll meet you inside.” 

Chris waves them off and Georgi keeps driving through the gates. When he pulls up to the front of the house, Yuuri can’t help but gasp at the house- no, the _mansion_ that lies in front of him. 

The outside of the house is made up of an attractive combination of red and brownstones. There’s an array of bay windows on the front side of the house and an intricate stone path that leads to the front entrance. When the heavy, wooden double-doors open, Yuuri can’t help but gawk at the marble flooring that extends from the foyer to the wide, spiral staircase. Yuuri has to resist the sudden urge to take his shoes off, certain that he's already dirtied the floor in the only few steps he’s taken. 

Chris appears from one of the long hallways to their right and walks up to Yuuri and Yakov. When he greets them, his smile is kind and his words sound sincere. “Good evening _mon chers_ , my name is Chris Giacometti and I am one of Mr. Nikiforov’s assistants. Unfortunately, our Pakhan is not back from a meeting but I’ve been permitted to escort you to his office.” 

He turns around without waiting for a response and, after sharing a glance, Yuuri and Yakov follow wordlessly. They are led up the marble staircase and into an open floor where several closed doors line up the walls. They follow Chris into what Yuuri assumes is Victor’s office. 

There’s large windows on the opposite side of the room and a long, heavy oak table in the middle. Yuuri looks longingly at the sleek, black grand piano on the right side of the room. There is an L-shaped couch on the left side and behind it hangs a large painting. 

The painting is of Victor, Yuuri notes. His hair is longer in it, but the same cold eyes and lips turned down in an expression of distaste stared back at him. 

Chris notices him staring at the painting and explains, “Ah, that’s our Pakhan when he took over the Bratva, 10 years ago. He was 18 at the time.” 

Yuuri cannot even imagine what kind of childhood Victor must have had to be prepared to take over such an organization at just 18 years old. 

Chris gets them settled on the couch and has refreshments brought up for them. Just as Yuuri is taking a cup of tea offered by one of the staff members, Chris looks up from his phone and says, “Oh, I’ve just been told that Victor has arrived and he’s heading this way. Mr. Feltsman, if you would come with me, please.” Even if it sounds like a request, the way he puts a hand on Yakov’s elbow suggests otherwise. 

Yuuri puts a hand on Yakov's free arm and frantically asks, “Wait, where are you going? Don't go! Please don’t leave me here!”

But Chris is already dragging Yakov out of the room and the servants leave after them in a single, rushed file. He hears Yakov yelling, “It’s going to be okay, Yuuri. Don’t worry!”

_Fuck._ Flashbacks of the last words his sister told him come flooding his senses. He looks around for a possible escape route but he doesn’t even know which part of the house he’s in. Which floor is he even on again? Will he survive if he jumps out the window? 

Before Yuuri can formulate a plan that doesn’t involve seriously injuring or even killing himself, the door creaks open. His breath catches in his throat as Victor walks in. 

Photos do not do justice to this man’s threatening appearance. He’s tall and fit, with broad shoulders that taper down to his waist, made more prominent by his perfectly tailored suit. His silver hair is shorter than the one in the painting, but it’s long enough on one side to cover half of his face. It shines even more brightly than in photographs. Yuuri feels his heart hammering in his chest as those cold, blue eyes settle on him and he feels frozen where he’s sat. _Run. Run!_

His feet propel him before he’s even aware of it. 

He’s running and charging towards Victor, the knife he pocketed from the plane already in his hand, ready to strike. Yuuri hears a feral scream and barely recognizes it as his own. He collides with Victor and Victor grunts in surprise as they topple down onto the floor. 

Fueled by adrenaline, Yuuri swings his hand, attempting to land a hit anywhere. But Victor is much faster and much stronger than him. 

Victor easily flips them over and, with a painful twist of Yuuri’s wrist, takes the knife from him and presses it against his throat, both of his hands trapped above his head in a bruising grip. 

Yuuri does not back down though. He gives Victor the nastiest glare he can muster and curses at him in Japanese, all while trying to wriggle out from his vice-like grip by kicking his legs and nearly folding his body in half in an attempt to topple Victor off him. He hears the door burst open and 5 armed men, including Chris, charge in, guns drawn and pointed at him. 

Victor only needs to give the command and they will kill him without question. 

Victor forces Yuuri to look him straight in the eyes with a hand on his chin. He asks, “Do you speak English?” 

Yuuri maintains his glare even as he nods in affirmation. 

“Good.” Victor looks at his men and says, “Stand down and get out.” 

Immediately they all leave without even speaking another word.

Victor looks back down at him and says, “Don’t worry, ephebophilia does not excite me. I’m not going to do anything to you, nor will anyone else. But,” he tightens his grip on Yuuri’s hands, “try something like that again and I _will_ have to tie you up and, trust me, it’s not the most comfortable way to sleep through the night. Do you understand?”

Yuuri nods again but he still doesn’t speak. 

He slaps the hand Victor offers him as he gets up, just purely out of spite. He freezes, unsure of how his actions will be interpreted, but Victor just gives him an amused smile before asking, “What’s your name, _kotenok_?”

Yuuri looks away and mutters, “Yuuri. Yuuri Katsuki.” 

Victor extends a hand to him and when he takes it, he is surprised at the smile that forms on Victor's face, the heart-shaped curve of his lips lighting up his face completely. “Victor Nikiforov, but Victor is fine. Welcome to my home, Yuuri Katsuki.” 

To go from a man who could kill Yuuri with his bare hands to a happy-go-lucky, charming one in a blink of an eye, _This guy is fucking terrifying,_ Yuuri thinks to himself as he follows Victor back out into the hallway. 

_________________________________

After a lengthy lecture from Yakov (“You idiot! Did you really think you can take someone like Victor Nikiforov in hand-to-hand combat and win? You are a bigger fool than I took you for! What were you thinking?! Do you want to die that badly?”), Yuuri is finally alone in the bedroom that one of Victor’s enforcers, a female Beta named Mila, put him up in. 

He’s already showered and changed into the clothes he found in his closet. As he lays on his bed, he tries to formulate a plan of escape. 

He does not trust Victor at all. Besides, Yuuri still doesn’t know what is to be expected of him while he’s staying here. He finds it difficult to believe that Victor would give him food, clothing, and shelter without asking for anything in return. Mari taught him that kind people are the most frightening because there is no such thing. _People always expect something in return. No one does anything just for good deeds anymore._

Yuuri doesn’t even want to think of what kind of repayment that might be. He’s sure that Yakov must have told Victor that he’s an omega. Why else would he accept a stranger like Yuuri into his house? Yuuri is not a fool; his sister made sure he didn’t grow up sheltered and ignorant. She educated him about all the terrible people she dealt with in her job. 

She also said that Yuuri was special because he was a male omega. Unfortunately, this meant that sometimes people felt entitled to lay their hands on him, to claim him as their own and take whatever they wanted from him, no matter how he felt about them. So she taught him how to fight, hand to hand combat and some martial arts she learned from the academy. 

But most important of all, she taught him that just because Yuuri was an omega, he was not limited to a future as someone’s wife or a bearer of someone’s children. Instead, he could be whatever he wanted and that his body was his own- his own to keep or give to someone he deemed worthy. And that he was always in the right to defend himself should anyone try to tell him otherwise. 

Yuuri pulls the blanket tighter around himself. He has to figure out a way out of here. 

Even if it means attempting to kill Victor many times over. 

_________________________________

In total, he attempts to kill Victor another 12 times during his first month there.

The second attempt happens on his 5th day at the Nikiforov Estate. Victor is visiting him in his room that afternoon, the same heart-shaped smile on his face as he enters.

“Good afternoon, Yuuri! I am planning to go into town in an hour or so, is there anything you’d like me to bring back for you? Anything you want, just let me know.” 

Yuuri feels a surge of anger and frustration flood his body. 4 days ago, after Yakov flew back to Japan, Victor started coming to his room with a mouthful of questions. Sometimes they would be about random things like, _“What do you think of the Russian weather, Yuuri?”_ , or “ _Have you ever heard of this movie/ read this book?”, “Have you been to the library on the west wing? I will ask Mila to take you there today. What kind of books do you like? I’m sure we’ll have something interesting for you. If not, I can have Georgi pick something up in town?”_

Other times, the questions would be more personal, “ _What was life like for you in Japan, Yuuri?”,_ “ _I know you haven’t had much time to grieve for your family but I can arrange for someone to come here to speak with you if you’d like?”,_ and one that Yuuri had been tempted to answer _, “Is there a dish you miss the most in Japan? I’m sure our chef Kristina can try and make it for you?”_

Victor looked genuine every time he asked. It's like he wanted to get to know Yuuri. But why? Why would Victor do that if not to find something to use against him? God, it drove Yuuri mad. 

He never answered any of these questions, of course. Each time he would simply sit on his bed and level Victor with a glare- which would have given him some kind of satisfaction if it were not for the easy smile that Victor returned right before he walked out of the room. 

_Today is going to end a lot differently,_ Yuuri thinks to himself. He waits for Victor to return his glare with another easy smile and, just as he’s done many times before, says nothing else as he turns around to leave the room. 

Yuuri sees his chance and bolts toward Victor. He thinks he has an advantage with Victor’s back to him and he lunges, both hands open and his arms locked, ready to tackle. 

But Victor turns around right as Yuuri is about half a foot away, catching both his hands and flipping him around. He feels a kick to his upper thighs and he falls to his knees where Victor holds him down until he lowers his head in surrender. 

“Oh, you’ll have to do better than that if you want to kill me, _kotenok”,_ he chuckles as he lets Yuuri go. 

“Don’t call me that,” Yuuri shouts, and he turns around, hands fisted tightly as he tries to strike again. But Victor seems to read his every move because he already has his hands wrapped around Yuuri’s wrists before Yuuri can even properly turn around to face him.

“Why not? You’re feisty like a kitten, so I think the endearment fits perfectly _da?”_ He shoves Yuuri off and makes for the door again. 

Just as Victor's got a hand on the knob to close the door, he turns back and says, “How about you try again tomorrow, hm? See how far you can go?” His laugh echoes in Yuuri’s ears long after he’s gone. 

_Game on._ Yuuri stands up from where he’s fallen on the ground. He looks around his room, trying to find something that can aid him better than his own hands. Mari may have taught him how to fight, but he doesn’t have the years and years of training and practice Victor’s had as Pakhan. If he wants to win, he’s going to have to try something different. 

It becomes a game of cat-and-mouse after that. A few times, Yuuri tries to use a makeshift weapon with whatever he can find in his bedroom. 

Once, he tries to strangle Victor with a towel, only for Victor to elbow him in the stomach hard enough that he dissolves into a coughing fit. The day after, he doesn’t even wait for Victor to speak. As soon as he enters the room, Yuuri pounces and tries to smother him with a pillow. But Victor kicks his knee up and hits Yuuri’s right ribcage hard enough that he topples off, clutching his side in pain. 

The next day, he takes the curtain rod and, like a jousting lance, attempts to strike Victor with it but Victor is faster, moving swiftly out of the way and yanking the rod from his hands, using it to hit Yuuri behind his knees and send him tumbling down the floor. 

The day after that, Yuuri hurls the lamp from his bedside table but Victor dodges that too, sending it shattering into pieces on the floor. Victor tuts at him and chides him for making a mess for the cleaners to pick up. 

Chris bursts into the room after hearing the commotion, furious at the scene in front of him. He says something in Russian that Yuuri doesn’t understand, although he’s pretty sure he knows what they’re talking about anyway if the snide look Chris is throwing his way is any indication. 

But Victor just shrugs and gives him a dismissive wave. He calls out to Mila, who’s always standing just outside Yuuri’s door, “Have someone clean up this mess and replace the lamp.” 

Victor looks back at Yuuri from where he’s remained seated on his bed, that infuriating smile back on his face as he says, “I’ll see you tomorrow, _kotenok._ Please try not to make such a mess next time, _da?”_

Yuuri flips him off as he leaves the room. He feels a mixture of satisfaction and shame as he looks at the staff members that are now cleaning up what remains of his bedside lamp. _Almost._

After that, Yuuri has no choice but to go back to using just bodily attacks. 

Four consecutive times, he tries to engage in a bout of hand-to-hand combat, trying going in from different angles, and changing his footwork and the speed of his attack. Each time, he ends up sprawled out on the floor, face pressed against the carpet and Victor on top of him with a knee pressed painfully to the middle of his back. 

He doesn’t even get to land a single punch. 

The time after that, he goes for Victor’s legs instead of his upper body. This sends both of them stumbling to the floor and Yuuri frantically swings his arms in and out. He succeeds in landing a punch right on Victor’s jaw, which momentarily disorients Victor, his head lolling back and his eyes closing in pain. 

Yuuri takes this as an opening and moves to sit on Victor's chest and brings down his fist to punch once, twice. But Victor recovers quickly and he’s moving again, catching Yuuri’s fists in a bruising grip. He rolls them over and traps Yuuri’s thighs underneath his own. 

Yuuri shields his face with his hands, waiting for a retaliatory punch.

But Victor doesn’t hit him, doesn’t even touch him except for where he’s sitting on his thighs. 

Victor is laughing as he moves off and helps Yuuri off the floor too. He’s wiping at the blood from his lips and says, “My, my, you’re getting better at this. Pretty soon you might just be able to keep me down for good.” He winks and adds, “Keep trying, Yuuri. You might just win one of these days.” 

Yuuri wants to be upset at the mocking tone in Victor’s voice but he’s too focused on the excited thrum of his body from his small victory. He’s managed to surprise Victor enough to take him down and leave him _bloody_ , albeit only very briefly. But it makes him feel hopeful that at least something finally worked because he is just about out of ideas on what to try next.

Unfortunately, he makes the predictable mistake of trying the same tactic the next day. Victor moves to the side just in time and Yuuri hits the floor with enough force to make him feel winded and slightly dizzy. 

When Victor speaks, there is no humor in his voice. “The worst mistake you can make is when you try to do the same thing twice, even if you weren’t that successful the first time.” He still doesn’t smile when he pulls Yuuri up to his feet. 

Victor tilts Yuuri’s head up with a hand wrapped around his jaw, ”Have you given up, Yuuri?”

Yuuri tries to move away but Victor tightens his grip. There is a dangerous glint in his eyes that makes Yuuri quake where he stands. 

Victor demands, “Have you? Answer me!” 

Yuuri looks at him, bewildered by the change in his behavior. “No, of course not! What are you doing? Let go of me!”

But Victor doesn’t let him go. “Then do better next time, _kotenok._ Be more creative. Don’t lose the fire in you, do you understand?” 

Yuuri doesn’t understand what he’s talking about but feels like he should be offended anyway. He smacks Victor’s hand away, glaring as he seethes, “Piss off, you just got lucky! I’ll make sure you regret coming here tomorrow. I’ll definitely succeed next time!” 

Victor’s smile is back on his face and his eyes are bright. “Great! That’s the kind of spirit I admire! Do not let anyone put that fire out.” 

Not for the first time, Yuuri watches as Victor heads for the door thinking, _this guy is fucking terrifying._

“Victor,” Yuuri calls out, just as Victor is halfway out the door, “What happens when I win?”

There is a spark in Victor’s eyes, fleeting but still dangerous, “Whatever you want.” His laugh is deep and rumbling, sending a chill down Yuuri’s spine. “But that’s _if_ you win, _kotenok._ ”

When he leaves, Yuuri doesn’t feel the familiar bloom of disappointment in his chest at another loss. Instead, his heart is beating so hard that he clenches a fist to his chest. _What the hell was that about?_ He doesn’t have time to think about it though, because he has to come up with something better. He has to win. 

And on his next attempt, he does. 

He’s crouched low next to the bedroom door, listening for the faintest sound of footsteps. He thought of this idea yesterday, kicking himself for only now realizing that the door swings outward, not inward. This means that he can take up position right next to the door and he will have the advantage of having Victor's back to him, catching him completely unaware. 

He turns his bedroom light off, shuts his curtains, and arranges the bed to look like he's lying on it, or at least that's what he hopes. 

It works. 

Victor doesn't notice Yuuri as he walks into the room, towards the lump on the bed. Just as he starts speaking, Yuuri lunges, putting all his weight forward as he uses his shoulder to knock Victor off-balance and pulling away just at the right moment to avoid falling down with him. 

Victor barely manages to flip over before Yuuri is on him again, sitting on his stomach and pressing a foot on each of his arms to halt all his movements. 

Yuuri feels elated at finally being the one holding Victor down instead of the other way around. He’s breathless when he declares, “I win!” 

Victor's laugh sounds breathless too. He nods and says, “Yes, Yuuri. I am very impressed! Now, what would you have of me?”

Yuuri doesn’t know exactly when his decision changed from killing Victor to asking him questions. Perhaps it’s because, deep down, he knows the likelihood of him killing Victor is slim to none and, if he does succeed by some miracle, he wouldn’t even make it down the hallway alive anyway. And with Yakov's departure back to Japan, there is no one else he can direct these questions to. 

So he says, “I want you to give me some answers.”

If Victor is surprised at this request, he doesn’t show it. He spreads his palms open in invitation and says, “Go ahead, ask me anything. I have no reason to hide anything from you. But if I may, would you be so kind as to let me up? I’m not as young as I used to be and this floor is very uncomfortable for my back.” 

Yuuri gives him a confused look and says, “You’re not that old. Yakov says you’re 29.”

Victor chuckles, “Yes, but in my line of work I may as well be in my 70s. People like me don't usually live past 25.” 

Yuuri doesn’t comment on that as he gets up. He has a smug smile on his face as, this time, he's the one that offers a helping hand. Victor raises his eyebrow and gives him an amused smile but takes his hand nonetheless.

They sit on the bed, Yuuri against the headboard and Victor across from him, sitting cross-legged. 

“Alright, what would you like to ask me, Yuuri?”

Yuuri’s mouth opens and closes a few times like he can’t decide on where to start. Finally, he settles on, “Why am I here?”

Victor’s brows are furrowed in confusion as he says, slowly, “Well… I think you know perfectly well what your circumstance was and what kind of future waited for you in Japan if you had stayed there.” 

Yuuri scratches his head in frustration. “That’s not what I meant. I mean… Why haven’t you touched me? Or forced me to have sex with you? Or tried to sell me for money? You know I’m an omega, right?”

Victor is looking at him in a mixture of horror and something else. Anger? Was he angry at Yuuri for asking? 

“Yuuri, no! What are you talking about? I mean, yes I am aware that you’re an omega, Yakov told me the first time he called. But why on earth would you think I’d force you to do something like that? Or even that I would sell you to be someone's property?” 

Yuuri couldn't stop the accusatory tone in his voice when he says, “Well, why else would you keep me here? Why else would you provide me with food, clothing, and shelter unless you want something in return? You know I have nothing of worth except for _that._ What else am I supposed to think?” He's so frustrated that he wants to cry, but he doesn't. He can't show any kind of weakness in front of Victor.

Victor seems just as frustrated when he speaks, his hands flailing in emphasis, “I don’t know, that you’re a _human being_ not some kind of object that can be passed around from one owner to the next. Look, Yuuri, I know that we’ve never had a conversation about what’s expected of you while you’re living here,” he winces at his choice of words, “What I mean by that is that there’s _no_ expectation, none at all. I mean Jesus Christ, Yuuri, you’re 16 years old. You’re just a boy. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t even wish for you to be involved in the kind of life I live in. But circumstances brought you to me and now I would rather have you here where I can protect you than out there where there would most certainly be people who would force you to do things you don’t want.” 

He reaches out a hand to tip Yuuri's chin up, forcing him to look Victor in the eyes. “If there’s anything I want from you, then it's only that I hope to give you back as much semblance of your life before all this happened. I can't send you back to Japan or take away the horrible things that have happened to you but I can do other things. I can provide you an education if that is what you want; I can find the best teachers to come here and tutor you. What did you used to do back home? Did you play any instruments? Or perhaps any sports? I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to set something up in one of the vacant rooms if that is what you want?” 

Yuuri slaps his hand away and says, incredulously, “Do you really expect me to believe that? Don’t mistake me for a fool, Victor.” 

Victor runs a hand through his silver locks and sighs. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I hope my actions can speak for themselves. I _don’t_ intend to do anything to you. If my questions make you uncomfortable, I’ll stop those too.” 

Yuuri shakes his head and says, "You," he can't help but laugh at how ridiculous this all sounds. There is no way that Victor is telling the truth. "You can't just expect me to trust a single word you say."

Victor seems to expect this response because he just shrugs and says, “I understand. But like I said, I don’t expect anything from you. Perhaps in time, you might start to believe me. But my offer still stands, if you decide it's what you want. All you need to do is ask.” He stands up from the bed and gives Yuuri one last, questioning look. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

Yuuri can’t think of anything else at the moment. In fact, he doesn’t think he’s capable of thinking at all. His mind is still racing from everything Victor told him. 

There’s a traitorous voice in his head that tells him to believe everything Victor is saying but another one, suspiciously similar to Mari’s voice, telling him to _question everything_. Is he just being paranoid and Victor is telling the truth? Or will his suspicions serve him right in the end? He shakes his head and says, “No, at least not right now. But what if I have questions later?” 

Victor smiles at him and replies, “Well then you’re free to ask me when that happens.”

When Yuuri doesn’t say anything, Victor starts heading for the door. But right as he’s about to walk out, he hears Yuuri say, almost reluctantly, “Ballet.” 

When he turns around, he sees Yuuri looking down on the ground, brows furrowed and mouth turned down in displeasure like he's warring with himself on whether he should share something so personal to Victor. 

He must make a decision though because, after a few seconds, he looks back up again and says, "I used to dance ballet."

The smile in Victor’s face widens almost impossibly, “How wonderful! Is that what you’d like to do here?” 

When Yuuri nods stiffly, Victor promises, “Okay. I'll see what I can do."

As he leaves the room, Yuuri wonders to himself just what on earth he’s gotten himself into. _That guy is absolutely terrifying._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for taking the time to read my work, I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Any comments are always appreciated :D
> 
> The title of this chapter is from the song You Were a Kindness by The National.
> 
> The inspiration I had for the description of Victor's house is a place called the Marble House in Newport, RI


	3. Innocence Died Screaming, Honey I Should Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the time they get back to the estate and Yuuri makes it to his bedroom, he all but collapses to his bed and, for the first time, falls asleep with a lightness in his chest and a calm settling over his finally quiet mind. 
> 
> Too bad it all goes to shit the very next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Apologies for the late update. But here are the next 3 chapters and I hope you enjoy them. :D 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments, I love you all <3
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING:
> 
> There is a scene here that includes some violence, but nothing too intense. I wrote this chapter to introduce some new characters and provide a bit of a background for them. This also is a little bit further in the timeline that the last chapter because I also wanted to detail the development between Victor and Yuuri's relationship.

Yuuri grimaces at the sharp pain on his legs as he does his cooldown stretches. It’s been 3 months since he started his ballet lessons (and nearly had a heart attack after walking into the ballet studio and seeing world-renowned prima ballerina Lilia Baranovskaya standing with a brow lifted high in disappointment at his late arrival) but his body still protests at the vigorous routine of jumps and leaps that Lilia has choreographed for him. 

The door behind him opens and Yuuri knows even before he speaks that Yuri Plisetsky has come by, same as he’s done every day since they met two months ago, to eat lunch together. 

Looking at his friend, Yuuri can’t help but smile. There are 3 things he’s learned in the few months he’s lived in Victor’s home.

First, the boy with blond hair, bright green eyes, and his moniker is actually very kind underneath all his vitriol. Even though their first greeting was cold, with Yuri barging into his room and practically interrogating him, Yuri came back the next day and shoved a bag of comic books and Japanese candy into his shocked hands. When he asked Victor about it later that night, Victor just laughed and said Yurio (a diminutive he began using to avoid confusion, much to Yuri’s annoyance) was prickly like a hedgehog but is harmless like a butterfly. He would also find out from Victor that Yuri, too, was orphaned as a teenager after his parents were killed in a public shooting. 

5 years ago, someone hired a gunman to kill a senator that was running against Russia’s then-president. The senator was murdered with his wife and 2 daughters while at a public park, where they were trying to spend time together before the major elections. The gunman killed 10 other people to make it look like a public shooting and Yuri's parents just happened to be walking past at the right moment, his 6-month old brother in a stroller with them. Yuri, then 14, was pulled from school by his grandfather and stayed with him until he died 2 months later, probably from a broken heart after losing most of his family so tragically.

Overwhelmed with grief, Yuri decided to hunt down the person responsible for his family’s death. But he quickly fell into a rabbit hole of crime and drugs that resulted in him living homeless in the streets of St. Petersburg. He ended up in the hands of Victor’s men after he tried to rob 2 of them at gunpoint. To this day, Yuri still doesn’t know what made Victor hesitate to kill him then, but he did. Instead, he took Yuri in, put him in rehab so he could go clean from the drugs, and gave him the choice between going back to his previous life to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a figure skater or stay with the Bratva. But people who learn to live with very little also learn to value what little they have. So Yuri stayed and has since become one of Victor’s most trusted enforcers and, more recently, Yuuri’s valued companion as well. 

Second, the Bratva functions more like a family than a gang. Yuuri wasn’t surprised to find out that Victor was revered highly by everyone and his commands were followed without question. He thought that it seemed unhealthy, almost dictatorial, to follow someone so blindly and Mila had readily agreed, "Yeah if it were anyone else, I would think so too. But the stark difference is that we don't follow Victor out of fear. There is nothing that binds us to the Bratva, even if working for the Pakhan is the only thing our families have ever known. We are allowed to leave and pursue a different life if we wanted to. But we stay because we respect Victor and we want to support him in his cause to rid this country of all the horrible people that exist."

Yuuri was surprised, however, to discover that every single member had some level of formal education. Mila, for example, left the Bratva to attend the police academy. She finished at the top of her class and worked for the Federal Security Service for 4 years before she decided to return and be Victor’s primary bodyguard and be in charge of training current and future enforcers. Yuri was in the process of finishing a 4-year online Nursing degree from one of the private universities in St. Petersburg and was set to start working with Dr. Celestino, their on-site physician, by next year. Chris graduated with an MBA and was in charge of all the legal cover-up businesses. Georgi, much to Yuuri’s surprise, graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Master’s degree in Chemistry. He even took Yuuri on a tour of his lab where, as head of the weapons department, he had free reign to experiment with different chemicals and materials, trying to concoct a new bio-weapon or a new untraceable poison of some sort. 

Chris had laughed at Yuuri’s bewildered look and proudly said, “The Bratva has no use for ignorant thugs and mindless brutes. We are not like the ‘traditional’ mafia gangsters you see in Western movies.” 

It had even inspired Yuuri to go back to school, so he took an aptitude test to determine where he would have to start based on Russia’s school standards. To everyone’s surprise, including Victor’s, it was decided that Yuuri could start taking college-level classes as soon as he felt ready. At Victor’s questioning look, he simply shrugged and said, “Back in Japan, I was too anxious to make friends so I just focused on school.” **  
**

Third, all of the opinions and first impressions he had before meeting Victor had all been wrong. 

He initially thought Victor was nothing more than a bloodthirsty criminal but he’d been nothing but kind and patient, especially when it came to dealing with Yuuri’s severe distrust and anxiety. 

Despite the unspoken truce that they established after Yuuri won their little cat-and-mouse game, he was still incredibly suspicious. This led to many instances of him lashing out, accusing Victor of plotting to kill him or hurt him in some way or another. Once, Victor had asked if Yuuri wanted to dine out since he hadn’t even left the house since he arrived. But Yuuri became angry, the accusations of Victor plotting to kill him once they passed the gates overflowing out of him before he could stop himself. Another time, Victor had offered him a plate of _Tonkatsu_ that he requested from the chef but Yuuri threw the plate on the floor, accusing Victor of trying to poison him. And another time after that, Victor just happened to slow down while walking next to him, just to look down on his phone, and Yuuri had flipped, tackling Victor to the ground because he was afraid that Victor was trying to do something behind his back. 

Each time it happened, Victor never got upset, never raised his voice or said anything out of anger or frustration. True to his words, he also never touched Yuuri, even if Yuuri made the first move to attack him. He always stepped out of the way, put his hands up, and stayed silent as he waited for Yuuri to calm down and rethink the situation. 

Victor also seemed to never tire of Yuuri, no matter how tumultuous and volatile their relationship sometimes became. He always politely requested to spend their evenings together whenever he got back from whatever business he did during the day, but he also never pushed when Yuuri refused him. The first time Yuuri finally relented, Victor invited him to a game of chess, most likely after hearing from Yuri that he’d never played any sort of board game back in Japan. 

And the more time they spent together, the more Yuuri opened up to Victor, albeit very slowly and very reluctantly, and Victor was happy to return the favor. He would tell Yuuri about his childhood, his first year taking over the Bratva, and even his deepest, darkest fears. Eventually, their evenings turned into talking until the early hours of the morning instead of just a couple rounds of chess and an awkward goodnight. Yuuri was surprised to find that, instead of the single-minded fool he initially took Victor for, he was actually very intelligent. He spoke 5 languages fluently and another 4 conversationally. He was also well versed in a lot of subjects, and many nights Yuuri found himself captivated by the way Victor effortlessly jumped from one topic to the next, from literature and philosophy to politics and history. 

He is momentarily startled from his thoughts when Yuri pokes him on the arm and says, “Oi, Katsudon, are you even listening to me?” 

“Hmm? Oh, I’m sorry, Yuri. I’m just a bit tired. What were you saying?” 

Yuri rolls his eyes and repeats, “I was saying that I’m leaving in a couple days.”

Yuuri tilts his head and asks, “Oh? Where are you going?”

“Just on an errand for Victor.”

“When will you be back?”

“Probably in a month, maybe longer.”

“I see,” Yuuri really wants to ask, wants to know what Yuri does when he leaves for long periods like this, but he already knows he’s not allowed to know. So he just asks what’s important, “Will you be safe?”

Yuri tilts his chin up and says, “Ha! Of course, who do you think I am?” He pauses for a beat before he adds, almost sheepishly, “By the way, won’t your birthday be coming up around the time I get back?”

“Oh, um, yeah, November 29th.” Even Yuuri is surprised to realize that it’s already 2 weeks into October. Has it really been that long since-?

“I’m going to be in France, perhaps I can get you something there if you want? They have a much better selection if you’re looking for Japanese ingredients, especially in Paris.”

Yuuri lights up at the idea. Ever since he told Yuri about _Katsudon_ , he hasn’t stopped trying to find the ingredients so Yuuri could make it. But it’s not easy to find ingredients like _dashi_ and _sake_ in the predominantly European area of St. Petersburg, the town closest to Victor’s estate. He nods and says, “That sounds great! Let me write down what I need.” 

Once they finalize the list of ingredients, they make their way to the dining room, where lunch is already set and ready for them. They eat in companionable silence until Yuri notices Yuuri staring at him.

“What’s up?”

Yuuri looks abashed at having been caught and explains, “Oh, I’m just curious, what kind of errand are you running?”

“The kind that you shouldn’t know about,” Yuri replies, but not unkindly. He sighs and adds, “Look, Yuuri, you know Victor doesn’t want me telling you about any of this. He thinks you’re too young to be involved. He wants you to have the choice to leave once you finish your studies. If you get yourself caught up in what we do, it’s not going to be easy for you to leave.” 

Yuuri knows because it isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation and it probably won’t be the last.

“Well, do you agree with him though?”

“Do I agree that you shouldn’t get involved in this kind of life? Fuck yeah. I mean look at you, you’re taking college-level classes at 16, you have a great future ahead of you. You should be focused on that instead of trying to do what I do.”

Yuuri wants to say that’s impossible because he doesn’t even know exactly what Yuri does, but decides against it.

“But I also think Victor coddles you too much. I know how someone’s psyche changes with tragedy; you don’t think the same as any normal kid your age anymore. At least, I know I certainly didn't. After my grandfather died, I felt so lost at suddenly just having nothing -no parents, no siblings, no grandfather, and not even a home to go back to. I was so desperate to cling onto something, to feel like I was finally a part of something again. So when I joined the Bratva, I immediately wanted to get involved, it didn’t matter if it was grunt work. I offered to go work with Mila, or to tag along with Chris during his business trips - just anything so I could have a reason to stay, just so I could feel like I belonged, you know? Because otherwise, I was afraid they would think I’m just another useless mouth to feed and kick me out.”

“Did you?” 

Yuri shakes his head and says, “No, not at first. Victor didn’t allow it, saying the same thing about how I was young and I should have the choice to go back to my old life if I wanted to. But mentally, I was scared _shitless_ of going back to what my life was before the Bratva. And I did try, for a little bit. I tried to reach out to old friends and some distant relatives, but it didn’t work out. I even tried to go back to school, but I only lasted a week. I used to get panic attacks in the school bathroom because I felt like every time I walked down the hallways, kids would stare at me like they knew exactly what happened to me and they were judging me for it. I hated it. I didn’t belong in that life anymore. Those people wouldn’t even have a clue about what I’ve been through. That’s what you think too, don’t you?”

Yuuri nods fervently and says, “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m thinking! Victor wants me to have some ‘semblance of my old life back’ and I understand why he wants that, but, at the same time, just the thought of my life before all of this makes me feel sick because it’s too painful to try and remember. Sometimes, I get panic attacks just thinking about going back to Japan, going back to my old school there, trying to live a life pretending that what happened didn’t happen. But I can’t. I can’t just pretend that there’s anything left in Japan for me to go back to because I don’t. This,” he gestures vaguely around the room, “is all I have left and I want to try and rebuild my life here if I can. But I feel so stuck, I feel so useless. I want to think I _can_ have a place here too but what can I do? No one else but you seem to take me seriously.”

Yuri pushes his plate to the side and stands up, “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Victor has his reasons why he’d rather you not become a part of this and he's not going to change his mind that easily. But,” he gives Yuuri a pointed look as he shoulders his book bag, “if you are serious about your offer, then keep an eye out for me when I get back. There might just be a time when I need your help. Do you think you’ll be ready?”

Yuuri eagerly says, “Yes, of course! Whatever you need, I’ll be glad to help.”

With that, Yuri departs and Yuuri heads to the library to work on the assignments for his online classes. With both Victor and Yuri away on travel, his days become occupied by back to back video lectures and no challenging conversations to distract him in between. Just a week after, Yuuri finds that he already misses Yuri and his interactive storytelling. He curls up in bed every night, a copy of _War and Peace_ lying untouched on his bedside table, too uninteresting to pick up. 

____________________

Victor comes back 2 weeks before Yuuri’s birthday. He walks into Yuuri’s room, hands behind his back and a heart-shaped smile on his face. 

“Yuuri! Do you know what’s coming up?”

Yuuri tilts his head in askance, “No? Is there a Russian holiday I don’t know about?”

“Your birthday, _kotenok_!” He takes out whatever he’s hiding behind his back and drops it in Yuuri’s lap. 

Yuuri stares down at the piece of paper. He can’t help the gasp that escapes his lips as he reads the print. It’s a ticket to _Giselle_ for the night of his birthday. He gives Victor a soft but genuine smile and says, “Thank you, I love it.”

“Excellent! I know you haven’t been able to leave the estate since you’ve been here but I think your birthday calls for a celebration, _da_? I’ve made reservations for dinner after the show as well.” 

“Oh, you’re coming too?”

Victor hesitates, “Would you rather go with someone else? Yuri won’t be back by then but perhaps I can ask Mila or maybe Georgi-”

“No!” Yuuri waves his hands frantically to stop Victor’s blabbering, the one Yuuri has come to know means Victor is nervous that he's made Yuuri uncomfortable, and says, “I mean, it’s fine.” He gives a reassuring smile, “I think it will be fun.”

“Brilliant! We’ll need to get you a better coat. I’m afraid the winters here are much worse since you arrived. Oh! We’ll get you a new suit as well!” 

Before Yuuri can begin his protests at the probable expense, Victor is already walking out of the room, talking animatedly to someone on the phone. That’s another thing Yuuri’s learned about Victor: he absolutely adores providing for Yuuri. 

When Yuuri walks into his room early afternoon Friday, just a day before the ballet performance, he finds a new wool-lined trench coat and a 3-piece suit laid out on his bed, plastic protector still attached over the hangers. 

On Saturday morning, he tries to focus on his ballet practice but fails miserably because he keeps nervously checking the time. Eventually, Lilia stops him and asks what could be so distracting that he keeps flubbing his _sissone_. Yuuri is too afraid of her to lie so he tells her the truth, unable to hold back the excitement in his voice when he says it's his first time seeing a play. Surprisingly, Lilia lets it slide and even lets him leave their class early. 

But leaving his ballet practice earlier than usual only leaves him with more free time to fret and worry about that evening. So he sits in the library and finishes all his homework, even those that aren’t due for another 3 weeks, just to distract himself. He finally stops around 4 PM, after deciding it’s reasonable to get ready a whole hour before Victor is supposed to pick him up. 

By 4:45 Yuuri is fully dressed, save for his coat which is folded neatly next to him on the bed. His leg is bouncing nervously as he glances repeatedly at the time. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. It’s not like Victor is going to cancel on their plans but his anxiety spikes all the same. 

It quickly dissipates though as soon as Victor walks through the door, exactly at 5. The drive to the theater is silent but not awkward. When they are dropped off at the front entrance, Victor guides him to one of the private stage boxes with an arm around his waist, close enough to keep Yuuri away from the massive crowd around them, but not enough to touch him. 

They have a wonderful time. The private seating helps quell Yuuri’s anxiety and he finds himself relaxing into the seat a few minutes into the performance. The lead ballerina is breathtaking and the whole ensemble has Yuuri mesmerized, barely paying Victor any mind throughout the whole show. Afterward, they have dinner at a quiet restaurant where the chef cooks every dish from the seven-course menu right in front of them, so Yuuri could see that the ingredients are pulled from the same bowls. During the first couple of courses, Yuuri can’t help but feel suspicious, but then Victor offers him the first bite from his plate, and would take the first bite from Yuuri’s, as a sign of trust. By the third and fourth dishes, Yuuri is finally able to relax and enjoy the food, unable to hold back the delightful noises he makes with every bite. 

By the time they get back to the estate and Yuuri makes it to his bedroom, he all but collapses to his bed and, for the first time, falls asleep with a lightness in his chest and a calm settling over his finally quiet mind. 

Too bad it all goes to shit the very next day. 

____________________

The next day, Chris stops Yuuri on his way to get breakfast and says, “Yuuri, I need you to be careful walking around the house today. Victor has got some people visiting and they are not ah, how do you say, very pleasant. So please try to stay in your room if possible, _oui_? Anything you need, someone can bring it up to you.” 

So Yuuri tries his best to make himself scarce, only leaving his room to attend his ballet lessons and to grab a new book from the library. But just as he’s about to leave, he hears the library doors swing open.

He’s here at the library often enough to know that no one comes here this time of day. With Mila away on travel, Yuuri is alone and unguarded and he feels his heartbeat quickening, and his palms are sweating against the book he’s clutching tightly. He ducks down behind one of the bookshelves, holding his breath as he tries to figure out whoever just walked in. 

A male voice says, “So do you have it?”

Another one grunts a “Yeah,” and Yuuri hears ruffling sounds like a paper bag. 

He walks as quietly as he can, thankful for the carpeted flooring that muffles his footsteps. He parts two heavy books to take a peek: One guy is short with brown hair and piercings on his nose and lower lip. He shoves a paper bag to the person beside him, who has short spiky hair that’s been dyed blue and a tattoo of what looks to be a snake on his left arm. 

The blue-haired guy takes a bottle out of the bag and whistles in satisfaction. “Nice! I didn’t think you’d be able to get your hands on it, but this is good!” 

“How are you planning on using it?”

“With staple Italian gifts, of course! There’s wine and charcuterie to be served at the meeting. I’ll be the one serving it so it should be easy to do.” He tucks the vial into his pocket and they both walk out of the library, completely unaware of the other person who’s just witnessed their exchange. 

Yuuri is frozen where he stands. Was someone planning to poison Victor? Who are those people? His mind is racing, what should he do? He doesn’t know where the two men are headed and he doesn’t want to run out of the library right after them, otherwise, he’ll get caught. But he needs to find Victor, quickly. 

He’s already moving, brisk-walking out of the library and in the direction of Victor’s office before he can properly think about it. He stops at the front of the office door, suddenly unsure if he’s doing the right thing. But he knocks anyway, waiting with bated breath that Victor’s still inside. 

Chris is the one who opens the door and for a split second Yuuri thinks he’s too late, but then Victor appears just behind Chris, both looking surprised at Yuuri’s slightly frazzled expression.

**  
  
**

“Yuuri,” Victor pushed past Chris, looking at him with a concerned furrow in his brows, “What’s wrong, are you alright?” 

The words spill out before Yuuri can formulate a more eloquent way to retell what he’s just witnessed. “Um, there were two people- something about a poison? Or at least I think it was poison because there was a bottle and something about wine and food? I don’t know, I don’t remember but I just, I think-”

“Yuuri, it’s okay. Breathe,” Victor waves his hands in front of Yuuri’s face, trying to get his attention without touching him. “Take a deep breath and try again, what were you trying to say?”

But before Yuuri can respond, Chris is clearing his throat behind them. “Pardon me Victor, but I think it’s best if we start heading out. Italians are not well-known for their patience.” 

Victor turns back to Chris and says, “Just two seconds, okay?” He looks back at Yuuri expectantly but when Yuuri says nothing except for a frustrated groan, he says. “Why don’t you go back to your room, Yuuri? I’ll come by and see you when I’m done, okay?” He nods to make sure Yuuri heard him before walking away, Chris falling in step beside him. 

It takes Yuuri another full 30 seconds to regain his composure and gather his nerves. He runs after them, calling out Victor’s name to get his attention but they are already too far away. He curses as he sees them disappear down another hallway and sprints as fast as he can. Just as he's made it down the same hallway, he sees them go into one of the sitting rooms. Otabek, Victor’s bodyguard, and Leo de Iglesias, one of Mila’s enforcers, are right behind them, slowly pulling the double doors closed. 

Yuuri yells, “Wait!!” 

Otabek and Leo turn to look at him and Otabek says, “Yuuri, what are you doing? Hey, wait! You can’t go in there! Yuuri!”

But Yuuri ignores them and easily dodges their attempts to grab him. He looks around, frantically trying to find a flash of silver in a room full of browns and blondes. 

He finally finds Victor -just as he’s pouring himself a glass from the selection of uncorked wines and picking up a small plate of antipasti. He sees the two men from earlier, standing behind Victor, watching raptly. _Shit!_

“Victor, wait! Don’t!” Yuuri doesn’t care that the loud conversation in the room has suddenly gone quiet and that everyone is now standing still, staring at him. He keeps moving until he’s only a few feet away from Victor before he says, “Don’t eat or drink anything.”

This time, when Victor speaks, he sounds less concerned and a lot sterner, like an adult reprimanding a child. “Yuuri, what are you talking about?” 

Yuuri breathes in and out, trying to collect his thoughts into words. “Don’t drink or eat anything,” He points at the 2 men, who have surreptitiously moved towards the door, “I saw those two when I was at the library and they were talking about putting something in the food and the wine.”

Victor’s expression flickers quickly from confusion to a cold, frightening calm. He turns to where Yuuri is pointing and addresses one of the two men, “Is there any truth to this, Giovanni? Know that either way, there will be consequences.”

Giovanni, the guy with blue hair, stammers, looking at Yuuri with unmistakable contempt. “Don’t be ridiculous! I would never do anything like that!” 

“I’m telling the truth! I heard you talking!” Yuuri wishes Victor would at least look at him but he doesn’t. So he presses on, “Then go ahead and drink some of the wine yourself if you’re confident that it’s clean. Go-”

-there’s a hot sting on his left cheek. Giovanni has his hand raised, looking like he wants so badly to do more, to hurt Yuuri with more than just a slap. “Do not think you are in a position to demand anything here. Who the fuck do you think I am?” He lifts his hand again and Yuuri flinches, putting an arm in front of his face as a shield.

But Victor is there, grabbing Giovanni’s arm hard enough that he yelps and falls down. The expression on Victor's face is of pure, unbridled hatred and his voice sounds like barely contained rage when he says, “Remove your fucking hand, you fucking _filth_.” 

He reaches into his shoulder holster, pulls out his gun, and presses it roughly against Giovanni’s face, right between his eyes. “How fucking dare you lay a hand o-”

“Victor,” It’s Chris, and he’s walking up only until he’s sure Victor can see him but doesn’t approach any further. “Calm down. What do you think you’re doing?” 

But Victor doesn’t seem to care. He presses the gun harder, ignoring Giovanni’s whimper of pain, and says, “I’m only giving him what he deserves.”

Guns are drawn on both sides and chaos almost erupts but Chris raises his hands and yells, looking at everyone around the room, “Wait, everybody calm down!” He turns back to Victor and says, “Victor, you can't just accuse him without proof. How do you know for sure that Giovanni’s the one who did it?”

Victor doesn’t reply immediately. He clenches his jaw and finally looks at Chris and says, slowly, “What exactly are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that it wasn’t that long ago that Yuuri tried to kill you. Multiple times too, in case you've forgotten. What makes you think he’s not behind this one too?” 

Yuuri moves from behind Otabek, who had quickly jumped to protect him from the potential gunfire, and says, “Why on earth would I do that? How stupid do you think I am to come here and tell Victor not to touch any of the food if I’m the one who wants him dead?”

“A pretty good criminal, if you ask me,” Chris gives him a snide look and says, “What if you decided you can’t kill Victor by yourself so now you’re trying to create a war between us and the biggest Italian mafia, hm?”

Yuuri looks at him like he’s crazy. “Are you even listening to yourself? How could I have possibly done that? Who do-”

Victor cuts him off and says “That’s enough, both of you.” He holsters his gun and pushes Giovanni to the ground, lips curling down in disgust as Giovanni scampers away and cries out in fear. He makes a vague gesture in Yuuri’s direction but still doesn’t spare Yuuri a glance as he says, “Otabek.”

Otabek must understand what he means because he’s moving, grabbing Yuuri by his elbow and whispering, “Please, just follow me without causing any more trouble, Yuuri. Come on.” 

Yuuri feels like the blood in his veins have turned into ice. His stomach turns and there's a sour taste that floods his mouth. His heart is beating hard against his chest and his ears are ringing loudly. He yanks his arm out of Otabek’s hand and runs out without looking back or saying another word. 

He runs and runs, the sting of Giovanni's slap a strong reminder of his own naivety. He rushes inside his room, slamming the door behind him. His hands are shaking violently from anger and embarrassment. _God, he feels so foolish_. How could he allow himself to believe that the little banter, late evening conversations, and even any of yesterday’s events could have possibly meant something to Victor? Who was he kidding? He should never have trusted Victor in the first place. Isn't this exactly what Mari warned him about? _Do not trust anyone._

He wipes the tears in his cheeks, hissing at the welt that’s begun to form there. His mind is racing on what he should do now. Should he pack up and leave? Where would he go? Maybe he can call Yuri and ask him to take him somewhere else. But would Yuri even take his side? Maybe calling Yakov would be his best bet. Perhaps-

There’s a loud pounding on his door. He sits up on the bed, hugging his knees against his chest, and waits. 

“Yuuri! Open the door!” Victor is on the other side and he sounds furious. “Open up before I kick it down myself.” 

“Go ahead and break it down then,” Yuuri says. He thinks his knees might give out if he tries to stand. 

Victor does exactly that, kicking the door open with a loud bang. Yuuri should feel afraid but it only makes him more incensed, past and current frustrations suddenly bubbling out of him. He spits, “Not like you’d listen to me anyway.” 

Victor looks like he’s the one who just got slapped in the face. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

“You know what it means. Don’t act stupid, Victor.”

There is something dangerous in the way Victor straightens his body and schools the expression in his face into something blank, calculated. Yuuri hasn’t been able to find a connection between the Victor that talks to him about art and philosophy and the violent Pakhan that is feared in all of Russia and beyond but, in this moment here, he thinks he’s found it. 

“No, really, I don’t know what you mean. Why don’t you try and say it to my face?” Victor’s hands open and close, like he wants to reach out and touch Yuuri, but he doesn’t. 

(Yuuri tries to calculate how fast he needs to run to gather enough momentum to push past Victor and everyone that's probably standing guard outside his door. It's futile though because he already knows there is no way he’ll even make it past a couple of steps. Victor is already dangerous when he’s calm. Now? He’s probably unstoppable.)

So Yuuri lets his mouth run instead, because if he’s going to die here, he may as well say what’s on his mind. “I can’t believe I let myself think that I could trust you and that you’d trust me too. But I see now how stupid I was because you clearly _don't_. I risked my life barging into that room so I could warn you, so I could protect you! I just saved your fucking life and you couldn’t even stand up for me! You couldn't even look at me! No, you had to ask someone else to take me away like you didn’t even want to deal with it. You threw me away like I’m nothing to you! God, you are such a giant piece of shit and you’re driving me batshit crazy!”

“What are you talking about? Of course, I trust you! Why would you think I didn’t?”

“Well if you trust me that much, you should have said something to Chris! He called me a criminal and you didn’t even say anything! If you trust me at all, you would let me do something instead of always telling me no! Let me go with Yuri when he runs these ‘errands’ for you. Or Mila said she’d be willing to train me so let me at least do that. Trust me when I tell you that I know what I'm doing and I want to help.”

Victor puts a hand up and replies, coolly, “We’ve already talked about this many times, Yuuri. I don’t want you involved in this, you’re too young and-”

Yuuri cuts him off because he can’t stand another discussion about it. “Yeah, yeah, Too young, you want me to have a choice. Fine. I’ve heard it all before and I still think it’s bullshit.” He looks at Victor with so much spite, “Admit it, Victor. You treat me like a child like everyone else.” 

He gets off the bed and makes slow, determined steps to where Victor seems trapped by the doorway. His eyes are alight with anger and his voice is shaking when he says, “But you know what? The night someone dragged me by my hands just to see the place I grew up engulfed in flames, I stopped being a child. When I heard the gunshots that killed my family, I stopped being a child. When I woke up at an auction, with some man referring to me as a literal _item_ , people leering and looking at me like I’m some kind of animal to be tamed, I stopped being a child. When I strangled the guy who tried to rape me, I stopped being a child. I haven’t felt like a child in so long so don’t try and treat me like one now! The choices I’ve made brought me here. You may have offered to help me, but it was the choice I made to come here that saved me. You think I’m not capable of thinking for myself? Please remember that I saved myself! I fought my way out! I’m not some whimpering omega in need of protection or saving.”

The coldness in Victor’s eyes is gone in an instant. There is something soft and vulnerable in the way he looks at Yuuri when he says, “Yuuri,” and he sounds breathless, “I never doubted your strength, nor will I ever convince myself that I saved you. I don’t think you’re weak and no one else thinks that either. A lesser man would not have done what you did or would have gone through what you did and still come out so fiery and headstrong.” 

He quirks his lips in a slight smile, “And just so you know, I do believe you. But I can’t just go on accusing people without evidence, especially when those people come into my house with the premise of establishing peace. For now, Giovanni and his men are put up in one of the rooms near security. Chris and Otabek are watching them while Georgi runs some tests on the food and wine.”

Yuuri’s eyes flicker in doubt. Did Victor really do that?

Victor tilts Yuuri’s head with a gentle hand on his chin so they are making eye contact as he says, “Yuuri, do you remember what I told you before? Don’t let anyone stifle the fire inside you. I wouldn't want to be one of those who try. However,” His expression turns serious, “You need to understand that the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve done, it is not the kind of thing most people can live through. It isn’t something you can easily forget. It’s something that damages you in more ways than one. Maybe I’m being selfish by trying to protect you from all of that but I don’t regret it either. And I know that’s not enough for you but that’s how I feel about it and I’m not changing my mind.”

He pulls away before Yuuri can respond. Just as he’s about to leave, he says, without looking back at Yuuri, “You’re not ready, and that’s the end of this discussion. Please don’t bring it up again.”

****  
  


_______________________

Turns out, Yuuri was right though. 

Victor’s blood is thrumming with exhilaration and vindication when he points the gun at Giovanni, shoving a paper detailing what Georgi’s found. Ricin. 

They are all dead before Giovanni can even scream. 

________________________

Yuri comes back 4 days after the Giovanni incident. He walks into the ballet studio just as Yuuri is doing his cooldown stretches. 

Yuuri looks up and beams at him, saying, “Yuri! I’m glad to see you’re back safely.” 

Yuri just shrugs and says, “It wasn’t that bad.” He waits for Yuuri to gather his things and as they walk out of the studio, he adds, “Do you remember what we talked about before I left?”

Of course, Yuuri remembers. He couldn’t help having bouts of anxiety at how stupidly confident he felt. He doesn’t even know what exactly Yuri does on these “errands” but there have been a few times when he came back with his arm in a cast or his head wrapped up in a bandage. 

At the same time, the argument Yuuri had with Victor is still fresh in his mind. There is something in him that wants to go help Yuri anyway just to be able to prove to Victor and everyone else, even to himself, that he’s more than capable of protecting himself. So he nods and says, “Yeah, I remember. Why?”

“Well, I might need your help with something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where the idea of Victor's mob being filled with educated people instead of just brawny, intimidating dudes came from but I think it fits with his character here.
> 
> But I hope you enjoyed it! As always, comments are welcome and loved <3
> 
> Chapter title is from the song "From Eden" by Hozier.


	4. All You Have Is Your Fire (And The Place You Need to Reach)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Yuuri can understand what’s happening, he feels a small pinch in his neck and everything fades to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to ramp up in this chapter :)
> 
> I can't think of any warnings for this chapter that are not already included in the tags but please let me know if I missed anything.

Yuri waits until they’ve settled down on the dining table before he elaborates, “There’s an event happening in Paris. It might help me finally crack down on this human trafficking ring I’ve been tracking for a couple of months.” 

It’s the first time he’s revealed to Yuuri what it is that he does when he runs these errands for Victor and Yuuri can’t stop the memories of a bright light and the sounds of leers flashing in his mind. There are still people like that, free and walking, waiting for someone like Yuuri to buy like they’re chattel. It makes his blood boil. 

Yuri must mistake his silence for confusion because he adds, “I need a way in. I need to figure out exactly where they plan to take the victims and how they even found the victims in the first place. I’ve been trying to track them down for months but I haven’t been able to infiltrate well enough until now.”

Yuuri pushes past his anxiety and nods, “Okay, what do you need me to do?”

But Yuri must see right through him because he says, dubiously, “How about I tell you all the details first then you can decide whether you still want to do it or not, okay?” 

“Sure.”

“Okay, so I think that whoever is behind this, they must have access to a very prestigious university in Paris because,“ Yuri pulls out a folder and takes out various photos and missing-persons posters, laying them on the table in front of them. “These missing people were all from the same university. From one of my sources, the timeline of their disappearances coincided with several large parties attended by students from different fraternities. I think that maybe a student or someone who knows one of the popular students at the school must be behind all of this.” 

“So we are going to pretend to be college students? Also, what makes you so sure these missing people are the same ones taken by the human traffickers?”

“Well, to answer your first question, I’ve already been doing that. That’s why I’ve been gone for so long.” He pulls out his wallet, showing various fake university IDs. “I’ve been undercover as an exchange student there.” 

He also pulls out his phone, pulling up a thread of text messages to show Yuuri. “While I was there, I made friends with someone from the largest fraternity at the school. He invited me to this party that happens at the end of every semester. If you look at these posters,” He points to several of the missing-persons posters, “These people disappeared around the end of fall and spring semesters. I don’t know why exactly they chose this particular university but what I do know is that France is considered one of the most ‘pro-Omega’ countries. Omegas have access to the same opportunities as Alpha’s and Beta’s and even more laws to protect them there, so they are more inclined to reveal their identities in public. To answer your second question, the unfortunate downside of those laws is that each person’s identity becomes public knowledge. All you need to do is look at their driver’s license. This makes it a lot easier for human trafficking rings to find them. 

“But what if it’s simpler than that? For all we know, there could be a serial killer out there hunting young people and the college is just a convenient location. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.”

“That’s true but also very unlikely. Serial killers usually kill only one gender or the other, not both, because they are often driven by some kind of sexual obsession. Also, people like that want to show off their work because they think there’s a meaning behind their madness. But there hasn’t been any bodies discovered that might belong to any of the missing people. The only likely answer is that they were kidnapped. But I looked up their backgrounds and they didn’t come from prominent families. Sure, their parents were rich enough to send them to an expensive university but the businesses were all clean as far as I can tell.” 

Yuri scratches his head and groans in frustration. “What I don’t understand is _how_ they are doing it. So people go to a party then what? Do they willingly go off with random strangers, which is why no one else seems to think they’re in any danger? Or maybe the party is just a front and everyone who isn’t an Omega is actually an accomplice? Are they even taking just Omegas? What if they don’t care, just long as they can make money out of it?” 

“Right, because you would think that if the people who went missing were college students, and perhaps belonging to a large enough fraternity to be invited, that they would be popular enough for people to remember them. Someone must have seen them before they disappeared. But these missing reports have been active for a while, some even dating 2 years back.” He grimaces at the thought of those people who went missing so long ago, can’t even imagine where they are now. 

Yuri gives him a proud smile, “Yes, well done. That’s exactly what’s wrong here. It’s hard to know if other students are in on it or if someone is threatening them to remain silent. I mean there could be a hundred and one ways it could go down. Only one way for us to find out though.”

Yuuri already knows what he’s getting at. “You want me to go undercover with you as a college student? Wouldn’t I need to already be a student there? Or at least have people recognizing me enough not to question me appearing with you?”

“Not exactly. I asked them before I left if it was okay to take someone with me to the party. As my date.”

“Oh,” Yuuri raises a brow and asks, “Shouldn’t you be asking Otabek to go with you, then?” 

“Also not exactly. See, I specifically need you to go with me.” 

Yuuri asks, “Why is that?” But as soon as the question leaves his lips, he already understands why. His lips form a wry smile and he says, “You told them you were bringing an Omega with you?” 

Yuri doesn’t bother denying it. “Yes, so you would also need to stop using your scent blockers at least 2 days before the party.” 

Yuuri isn’t exactly afraid of not having scent-blockers around Yuri, even though he’s an Alpha. He's already been mated with Otabek, who's also an Alpha, since he was 18. Yuuri has never honestly heard of such an arrangement but he doesn’t question it. From when he’s seen them together, he can tell that they are a perfect match. 

But he does worry about everyone else there. He’s always had to hide who he was back in Japan. Even though in the last 5 years, there have become a lot more pro-Omega movements that urged the government to change the rules and offer more freedom and protection to Omegas, Mari taught him never to let his guard down. So he’s always lived with a certain level of anxiety, only slightly quelled by his constant use of scent-blockers and suppressants. Just the thought of going without one or the other has his heartbeat quickening and his chest tightening. 

But he needs to do this. Not just for him but other Omegas like him. He won’t let people like John Smith take advantage of other Omegas anymore. He’s willing to do whatever it takes. 

“We’ll be together the whole time, right?”

Yuri assures him with a hand on his shoulder. “Of course, I promise I’ll protect you the whole time. So, what do you think?”

Yuuri nods but there is still a pensive tone in his voice when he says, “Let’s do it.” 

______________________

They only have a week to prepare for what they’re planning to do. Yuri purchases their plane tickets and Yuuri tries not to panic as he goes through his clothes, deciding on what is considered as “subtle but appealing” (Yuri’s words, not his) in his assortment of suits and cashmere sweaters. He settles on packing the suit Victor gifted him for his birthday, remembering the slimmer fit compared to his other suits.

Victor’s been gone since the whole debacle with Giovanni and won’t be back for another week or so, according to Mila and Georgi. Yuuri didn’t even get to see him before he left. All they told him was that he had some urgent business to attend to in Italy. Yuuri doesn’t have to guess what the business entails. From what he understood, Giovanni was the boss of a very large Italian Mafia and Victor just killed him (Yuuri is not a fool. When Mila told him they were “punished accordingly”, he knew it meant they were all dead. You can’t show mercy as Pakhan, after all). By business, he thinks they meant to say the phrase “tying up loose ends”. 

But with Victor gone, it doesn’t take much for Yuri to convince Mila that he’s taking Yuuri sightseeing for most of Monday, and they won’t be back until late in the evening. Yuri is one of Victor’s most trusted men and he’s a very skilled marksman too, so Mila just nods but gives Yuuri a stern reminder to let her know as soon as he’s back at the estate. 

They are scheduled to fly out really early Monday morning and fly back at 10 PM. With only a 5 hour flight to Paris, they are in their hotel room before 9 in the morning. The party is not until 6 in the evening, so they sleep off the jetlag and wake up at 3 PM. They rehearse what they are going to tell people about why they are there and who they are with (holes in stories are the absolute death of any undercover stint, Yuri tells him). They are dressed and headed out the door by 5 PM.

They think that leaving an hour early is early enough but there’s already a big crowd by the time they get there. He feels the stares as soon as they walk into the ballroom, and he sees the glazed look that takes over the Alphas, both men and women, as soon as they are close enough to get a whiff of his scent. His hand wrapped around Yuri's tightens almost painfully as his anxiety heightens. 

_I can do this. I have to do this. I can’t fuck this up,_ Yuuri recites to himself like a mantra until he feels himself relax just enough to smile back to the people who've come up to greet them. He's grateful for Yuri not letting go of his hand even once because it keeps him grounded, and he's able to focus something other than the tightness in his lungs and cold sweat prickling on his neck. 

He looks around, pretending to admire the interior design, but subtly looking for clues that might lead them to whoever is in charge of the trafficking operation. From the corner of his eyes, he sees a tall, male figure staring at him. He excuses himself from Yuri and his friend, speaking the code they agreed on earlier. “I’m going to get freshened up, okay?” 

Yuri nods in understanding and squeezes his hand. “Okay, I’ll be at the bar, if you want to come find me after.” He gives Yuuri a peck on the cheek before letting his hand go. 

Yuuri feels a mixture of anxiety and excitement when he sees the man pull away from whoever he was talking to and follow Yuuri into the bathroom. He stops in front of the full-length mirror, pretending to fix his hair just as his target walks in. He memorizes the man’s face, from his thick bushy eyebrows to his shaggy blond hair, and his pale green eyes. He gives the man’s reflection a courteous smile before heading into one of the cubicles. He hears another cubicle slam shut just a few doors from his. _Yeah, this is their guy._

He rummages through the pockets of his pants, taking out a tracker and tucking it between the top of his wrist and under his watch. He already has one taped tightly to the inside of his arm and Yuri has one too, just in case they get separated. It’s a tiny little thing, no bigger than a hearing aid battery. He pees and flushes the toilet just to keep pretenses before he steps out of the stall and heads straight to the sink, washing his hands. The man also steps out even though Yuuri’s sure he didn’t do anything while he was inside the stall. 

Yuuri gives the man another smile from the mirror and this time, the man smiles back. He stands a little too close to Yuuri for it to be an accident. The way his nostrils flare and his eyes seem to roll back in pleasure make Yuuri want to throw up. It’s cold and animalistic, like a predator who’s just chosen his meal for the night. 

“Hello, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around campus before. What’s your name?” The man extends a hand to Yuuri and he takes it, trying to look curious as he glances up at the man through his lashes. 

“Yuki Katsuki,” he lies. There is no way he’s giving this man his real name. “I’m here as someone’s plus one.” 

The other man pretends to look around before saying, “Oh? I don’t see anyone with you at the moment though. Pity that they decided to leave you alone.” 

“Is it? I wonder why that is? There’s plenty of new people to meet and good food and wine to enjoy. I think I quite like the freedom myself.” He hopes his words sounded as flirty as he intended because he just wants to sink into the floor and disappear. 

But the other man doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, Yuuri sees how his pupils dilate and his smile grows impossibly wider, predatory. “Well, I wouldn’t mind showing you around.”

Before Yuuri can reply, he feels a small pinch in his neck and everything fades to black. 

______________________

Yuri glances in the direction of the bathroom and looks down at his watch. Yuuri’s been gone for 10 minutes. Something isn’t right. He pulls his phone out to activate the tracking system for Yuuri’s transmitter. 

_Shit._

_Fucking shit._

_Yuuri’s not even in the building anymore._

He jumps out of his seat and runs out of the building, dialing Otabek's number as he's running to the parking lot, pressing the alarm button manically to locate his car.

“This is Altin, what’s up?”

“Otabek! Thank god, Otabek, I need your help.” He finds his car, throws the door open and jumps in. He jams the key in the ignition, turns the car on, and connects the tracker app to the GPS in his car. His leg bounces nervously as he waits for the GPS to lock in on Yuuri’s location.

“Yura?” He hears shuffling in the background and Otabek must have stepped out to take his call because he speaks louder when he says, “Yura, what happened? Did you get in trouble?”

“No, it’s worse than that. It’s Yuuri, he’s missing.” He swallows a lump in his throat as he watches the GPS load directions and approximate time of arrival. 15 minutes, _thank fuck._ His heart sinks as he notices that Yuuri is not moving, otherwise he’d be trying to call Yuri or finding an escape route by now. Either he’s unconscious or someone found the tracker and dumped it someplace.

_Fucking fuck!_ He almost misses Otabek’s reply as he puts the car in drive and steps on the gas.

“What are you talking about? Where are you?”

“I’m in Paris, Yuuri’s with me. I asked his help with something but I don’t have time to explain. Someone took him and I think he’s unconscious. I’m tracking him right now or at least I hope it’s him.” He curses in 3 different languages before he notices the dot that shows Yuuri’s location has started to move. 

“Oh thank the fucking gods, I think the tracker is still on him but he’s on the move.” 

Otabek is cursing on the phone too. “Okay, Leo is on his way to take my place. Send me the coordinates and I’ll try to get there as soon as I can.” 

In the background, he hears Victor’s voice, asking Otabek what he’s yelling about. _Fuck. This is not how this was supposed to go down._ The tires squeal as he takes a hard right to take a turn he almost missed. _Focus,_ he tells himself. He will gladly take all the punishment once this is over. For now, he has to get to Yuuri. 

He pays little attention to the sudden chaos happening on the other end of the line but he thinks he hears Victor cursing at him in Russian. Yeah, he definitely deserves that. Once all of this is over, Yuri thinks he might just shoot himself in the foot for how careless he’d been.

The GPS takes him to the harbor where he spots a giant ship on one of the large docks. _Oh, of course. How on earth did he miss that?_ This is how they’ve been transporting the people they kidnapped. Someone very rich must be sourcing this whole operation to have connections to a prestigious university, access to a private ship, and, Yuuri guesses, enough money to reserve the whole fucking harbor so no one has to witness whatever business transpires here. He sends the coordinates to Otabek, fervently praying that they make it here soon. It takes about 6 hours to drive from Milan to Paris. Even if Otabek broke all the traffic laws, the soonest he can make it here is still probably another 5 hours. It will be too late by then.

So Yuri takes the gun out of his holster and gets out of the car. He takes light, quiet steps towards the boat, glancing both ways every few seconds to make sure he’s not been discovered. There is a ladder that extends from the entrance to the dock and he guesses that whoever is on that ship must be expecting more people. He hurries up the ladder and is glad when no one is standing watch. When he kicks the door open, there's still no one standing guard inside. He doesn’t know whether it’s a good or a bad sign that the security on this ship is nonexistent. 

The ship is like a maze, many hallways leading to god knows where. He’s trying to decide which one to take when a loud _bang_ echoes down the hallway to his right. _Shit._

He runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! 
> 
> I love you all and I hope you enjoyed it <3
> 
> Title is from Hozier's "Arsonist's Lullabye"


	5. His Fight And Fury Is Fiery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smile on the man’s face is awful enough to make the girls huddle closer behind his back, whimpering in fear. “My name is Alexei and this is my ship. You’re here because people will pay exceptional money for every single one of you, especially you,” he says, pointing a finger to Yuuri. 
> 
> Yuuri imagines snapping that finger in half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning:
> 
> There is quite a bit of violence here between Yuuri and an OC and it does get quite graphic so please beware if you think that might not be for you. There's also a scene towards the end of self-injury so please beware of that too.

Yuuri wakes up and for a split-second, he wonders if he ever really left Japan. Maybe the past few months had just been a dream and he’s woken up to the horrible reality of being in the thrall of JJ’s wrath. But then everything comes back to him. Going to Paris with Yuri, talking to a man in the bathroom. He touches his neck at the memory of a pinch. He’d been drugged. He’s thankful that his suit is still intact and patting the inside of his arm, he sighs in relief at learning the tracker is still there, too. His phone is missing though, but he expected that much. He hears a whimper to his left and when he turns his head, he sees 4 women, no - _children_ \- cowering in the corner. He rushes to them and shushes them gently. He notes briefly that none of the girls smell like an Omega, and they look old enough to have already presented. _Betas? Why would they want betas?_ But then a chilling thought occurs to him. The people who kidnapped them probably cater to more than one kind of evil. 

“Do you speak English?” He’s trying to rack his brain for what French Victor’s taught him but it doesn’t come to him. Luckily the girls all nod in response. He points to himself and says, “I’m Yuuri. Don’t worry, I’ll help you get out of here.” 

One of the girls looks at him, slightly bewildered. “How? Did they not take you too?” 

“Yes, but there was someone with me. He’s getting help right now so we need to get out of here so we can meet up with him, okay?” He knows it’s the absolute worst circumstance to trust a stranger but he holds his breath and waits. 

The girls look at each other and whisper something in French. They look back at him and one of them says, “Okay, we’ll come with you.”

“Wait here first, okay? I’ll check to make sure no one is coming.” But before he can even move, he hears the door being unlocked and a tall, burly man walks in. Yuuri doesn’t hesitate to step in front of the girls, arms spread wide to shield them. 

“Get moving, they are waiting for you.” He has a heavy french accent, similar to the guy Yuuri saw in the bathroom. 

Perhaps it’s foolish to ask but he does anyway, “Who are you and where are you taking us?” 

The smile on the man’s face is awful enough to make the girls huddle closer behind his back, whimpering in fear. “My name is Alexei and this is my ship. You’re here because people will pay exceptional money for every single one of you, especially _you_ ,” he says, pointing a finger to Yuuri. 

Yuuri imagines snapping that finger in half. 

When none of them make any move to obey, Alexei takes a step forward and bellows, “Let’s go! Don’t waste my time!” He takes one, two, three steps and Yuuri strikes. He leans his weight on his right foot and pushes, moving fast enough to take the other man by surprise, and keeping enough momentum to tackle him to the ground. He ignores the flash of pain on his ribs at the impact and sits on top of Alexei. 

He punches Alexei twice in the face before grabbing the gun out of his holster. He’s about to position the gun when he feels himself rolling to the side as Alexei flips them over, sending the gun skittering across the floor.

Alexei backhands Yuuri in the face and wraps fat, greasy hands around his throat. He scrambles for a second, kicking his legs to try and dislodge the heavy man on top of him, his hands clawing hard enough at Alexei’s wrists that he’s certain there’s skin underneath his fingernails. But Alexei doesn’t budge and he feels panic building in his chest as his vision dims. 

Then it comes to him, something Mari taught him so long ago. He reaches his hands up and digs his thumbs into Alexei's eyes until he feels blood rushing down to his wrists. Alexei falls off him, screaming in pain and clutching at his face to try to stop the bleeding. 

Yuuri coughs and gasps, trying to catch his breath. He looks around for where the gun went, scrambling in its direction when he spots it. He turns, points the gun to where Alexei is now in a fetal position on the floor, still screaming in pain. He unlocks the safety, presses the trigger, and fires. 

Alexei’s body slumps over, lifeless and bleeding onto the floor. Yuuri moves before the bile in his throat comes up. 

“Come on, hurry! I’m sure they heard the gunshot so we need to move now!” He runs out of the room, the girls following close behind, hand in hand. He has no idea how to get out and there aren’t even any signs to clue him in. He hears footsteps to his left and he turns, gun raised and ready to fire. 

He sees a familiar figure running towards him and he almost collapses in relief. 

“Yuuri!” Yuri is throwing his arms around Yuuri as soon as he’s close enough. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” 

Yuuri hugs him back and says, “It’s okay. I knew you’d come for me. It’s gonna be okay.” 

It’s only when they pull apart that Yuri notices 4 young girls standing behind Yuuri, wide-eyed and trembling in fear. They need to get out of here quickly. He points his thumb behind him and says, “Come on, exit is this way. We need to move before other people get here.” 

They move quickly and quietly but just as they are about to make their final turn to go back to the entry door, they hear footsteps and voices. 

“What is taking Alexei so long? Go and check to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid like last time.” 

More footsteps. _It’s heading their way_. 

Yuuri and Yuri look at each other and nod in silent agreement. Yuuri turns back to the girls and whispers, “Get behind me. When I tell you to run, run as fast as you can, okay?” He crouches low next to Yuri and they both draw their guns up, ready to fight. 

Suddenly, the sound of gunshots ring through the air. There’s chaos in all different directions and the sounds of screaming and bullets tearing through flesh echo loudly. The sprinkler system goes off and fills Yuuri’s vision in a haze of steam and water. He turns around and jumps on top of the girls, shielding them with his body. Yuri does the same, protecting the girls on both sides. 

Victor’s voice cuts through the cacophony in a clear shout of, “Yuuri, where are you? Yuuri!” 

Yuuri doesn’t know if Victor can even hear his voice but he screams as loud as he could, “We’re in one of the hallways! Don’t shoot at us! We’re right here!” He turns his head left and right, trying to make out something amidst the downpour. 

He sees Victor and Otabek running up to them, guns raised and still smoking from recent use. 

"Otabek!" Yuri is running past him in a blur and into Otabek's waiting arms. 

Victor holsters his gun as he moves toward Yuuri. Yuuri stands up and runs to meet him halfway but he comes to a stuttering halt when he sees Victor stop, nostrils flaring and eyes going wide. 

Something flickers in Victor’s face, like a moment of clarity, before his eyes go cold and his lips turn down in displeasure. Yuuri is suddenly struck by the memory of Victor’s painting, and the same cold expression on his 18-year-old face. 

Victor doesn’t try to get closer. He turns to Otabek and says, “Go take them back outside. I’ll take care of everything else.” He doesn’t look at Yuuri when he leaves, walking back the way he and Otabek came, probably to check if anyone else is on the ship.

Yuuri gestures for the girls to move and they follow Otabek and Yuri wordlessly back to exit, ignoring the pile of bodies that littered the hallways.

A French police officer is waiting by the dock. He’s there to make arrests if any of them remain alive anyway. Yuuri knows that this is the bargain Victor strikes with the police. He’ll do the dirty job of tracking down and killing high profile criminals and the police chief gets to take the credit and even have the arrests to show for it too. In return, they allow him to take control over Customs, so he can receive shipments without any paper trail. 

Yuuri steps away from Otabek and Yuri to lead the girls to the police officer. He tells the girls that they are safe now and the officer can take them back to their families. They give him a tearful hug goodbye, crying “Thank you, _Monsieur,_ ” into his shirt before they pile into the police car. 

He turns around to walk back to Yuri and Otabek but pauses when he sees them in the middle of a heated exchange. Yuri’s arms are flailing, probably in an attempt to explain what’s just happened, and Otabek responds with his brows furrowed and his head shaking in disagreement. It ends with them being too exasperated to talk that they just stand there, arms crossed and glaring at each other. But then Otabek is pulling Yuri into a rough kiss, leading them back to his car and practically throwing Yuri into the passenger seat before he climbs in and speeds away. 

Yuuri is too preoccupied with watching the tail lights of Otabek’s car disappearing into the distance that he doesn’t notice Victor walking up beside him. He jumps in surprise but freezes on the spot at the sight of Victor. His suit is drenched, pressing tightly against his body, his hair is plastered wetly against his face, and his mouth still turned down in distaste.

Victor still doesn’t look at Yuuri when he says, “Let’s go.” He grabs Yuuri’s arm a little too roughly, leaving no room for argument as he leads them back to his car. 

He is already pulling out of the harbor and into the main road before Yuuri speaks. “Victor, I’m-”

Victor cuts him off with a stern, “Shut up.” His grip on the steering wheel tightens and the leather squeaks under his grip. He doesn’t look at Yuuri when he repeats, “Just. Don’t talk right now.” 

______________

By the time they make it to the airport, Victor absolutely hates himself. He wants nothing more than to turn to Yuuri and apologize. He’s not upset -okay, he’s a little upset- but more trying to get himself under control.

Of course, Yuuri is not wearing any scent blockers, Yuri must have told him not to. _Fuck, he is going to kill that boy._

He parks quickly and haphazardly, unbuckling his seatbelt and throwing the door wide open before his already threadbare control snaps. He takes deep, shuddering breaths as soon as he steps out of the car, desperate to fill his lungs with something other than the sweet, floral scent emanating from Yuuri. 

He keeps a firm grip on Yuuri’s elbow as they make their way through the gate meant for private flights. When they step inside the jet, he pushes Yuuri down to the aisle seat and settles down on the window seat next to him. In the roomier cabin of the jet, Yuuri’s smell is not as strong as it was in the car. But there is still the smell of fresh roses and bergamot wafting in the air and Victor has to put a hand on his face, just under his nose, to keep himself from inhaling it like a madman. His jaw clenches and the grip his thumb and index finger makes around his mouth tightens almost painfully. 

This is going to be the longest and worst flight he’s ever taken. 

______________

Yuuri is _fuming_. He gets that Victor is angry, probably because he was pulled from whatever business he had in Italy just to clean up their mess. But he doesn’t understand why Victor is angry with _him_. Yuri was the one who planned the whole thing, making promises to protect him the whole time, and the one who didn’t even realize that he’d gotten kidnapped. Again, Yuuri just fought his way out of the unfortunate situation he found himself in. 

(Not that Yuuri blames Yuri, of course; he’d do it all over again if given the chance. Any effort to dismantle these human trafficking rings is some kind of help no matter how small. Yuuri thinks about the 4 young girls on that ship, dreading what would have happened to them had he not been there. No, Yuuri’s already decided that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to stop something like that from happening to anyone. _Whatever it takes_.)

He tries his best to not lose control so he stays silent for the duration of the flight. He says nothing when the plane lands and Victor leads him down the airstair and into a waiting car. As soon as Victor parks at the front of the house, he jumps out and runs inside, ignoring Victor calling out his name and scrambling to catch up to him. 

He still says nothing as Victor follows him inside his room. He yanks his suit jacket off and throws it on his bed. He’s about to tug off his tie when he hears Victor frantically run back out, slamming the door behind him. 

Yuuri sighs, feeling too tired all of a sudden. He changes into a soft shirt and sweatpants and climbs into the bed, just ready to let sleep take over. He’ll deal with the aftermath tomorrow. 

______________

Victor had to run out of the room from the scent that filled his nostrils as soon as Yuuri took his jacket off. He runs into one of the guest bathrooms just down the hall from Yuuri’s room. His knuckles are white as he grips the edges of the sink tightly and he feels sweat beading on his forehead. He looks up at the mirror above the sink and sees the pale color of his cheeks and the bags under his eyes. He splashes his face with cold water and takes a few deep breaths to collect himself. _He needs to focus. He can’t lose control._

He leans down to pull a first-aid kit from the cabinet under the sink and makes his way back to Yuuri’s room. 

He knocks on the door twice before letting himself inside, catching just as Yuuri sits up. 

Yuuri levels him with a glare and Victor remembers the first month of Yuuri’s stay here. Their relationship was volatile back then, and he feels his stomach churning at the thought that perhaps they are back where they started; that he won’t ever be at the receiving end of Yuuri’s smile, quiet laughs, and the inquisitive questions from Yuuri’s brilliant mind. 

It’s more horrifying than the one time he was kidnapped at 19 and had to kill 25 people by himself, with his bare hands. 

He sighs and shakes the first-aid kit in his hand, explaining, “We should get you cleaned up,” and makes his way to Yuuri’s bed. Yuuri inches towards the edge until his feet are touching the floor but doesn’t say anything. 

Victor crouches in front of him so they are eye-level. He pulls one of the instant ice-packs from the kit and squeezes until he feels the cold seeping into his palm. He presses it onto the bruise blooming on Yuuri’s cheek, but Yuuri smacks his hand away and seethes, “Don’t touch me.”

Victor mutters, “Didn’t I order you to stay away from all of this?” He’s tired and he would rather not lose his control in front of Yuuri. He tries to press the ice-pack to Yuuri’s face again.

Yuuri’s eyes go into tight slivers and he slaps Victor’s hand away with a little more force than before. He sounds furious as he says, “ _Ordered_ me? Who the fuck do you think you are? I was fine, I even managed to kill one of them. I didn’t need you.”

Victor presses his lips into a tight line. He’s trying his hardest to be patient and calm. “Fine,” he tosses the ice-pack to Yuuri but when Yuuri throws it back, hitting him squarely in the chest, he just snaps.

With a growl, he surges forward until their faces only inches away from each other, and cages Yuuri between his arms, his palms hitting the wall behind Yuuri’s head with a loud ‘thud’. 

“So did you think you were ready, hm? Do you have any idea what kind of people I deal with, Yuuri? Did I not fucking _warn_ you to stay away? How many times have I told you to back off?”

He moves his right hand off the wall to grip Yuuri’s jaw tightly. “These people are the worst of humanity you can possibly think of. They cater to anyone who will pay for them, do whatever pleases them. They will kidnap women and children, no matter what their identity is. As long as they can make money, they’ll sell every single person they think is worth something. Once they decided you weren’t worth all the backtalk you were giving, what do you think they would have done? They would have immediately tossed you into the streets, drugged out of your mind you wouldn’t even realize what anyone was doing to you. And if I didn’t get to you, that would have been the rest of your life.” 

A chilling smirk creeps into his face and he can’t help the delight he feels when Yuuri looks away and trembles. “Or maybe not because you’d most likely die of diseases within a year. Is that what you want? Did you really think you could fight every single one of them off? Do you think you can stomach having to use your fists to kill someone? And bad people never die easy, _kotenok_. You’d have to beat them bloody just to be sure they don’t get up again. Have you ever felt what it’s like to punch hard enough that bones give way underneath your hand?” He shakes Yuuri, trying to drill the point home. “You saved my life and I saved yours, we’re even now. The next time you do anything stupid, I won’t be this kind.” 

He lets Yuuri go and turns around to head for the door. Without looking back, he says, “And go take a shower, you _stink_.”

He leaves the room without bothering to look back. The wounded noise Yuuri makes as soon as Victor lets him go, and the way he scampers away from Victor like a wounded animal is enough for Victor to know the irreversible damage he’s done. He’s never hated himself as much as this moment right now. 

He thinks about going to his office to tend to unfinished work, but he’s so angry. He’s too angry that he thinks he might just kill the first person he sees. So he keeps his head down and goes straight to the shooting range on the underground floor. He uses up 3 120-count ammunition boxes but it’s still not enough so he heads to the boxing gym. He strips down to his pants and puts on boxing gloves. He punches at the punching bag for 15 minutes straight before he feels remotely calm. When he’s done, there’s a permanent dent on the bag and Chris has to replace it when he comes down later. 

But once Victor is calm, the guilt comes shortly after. He’s in his bathroom, about to take a shower when he catches sight of his reflection in the mirror. He is repulsed by the monster staring back at him. So fueled by anger at Yuuri’s disobedience and the fear of how he almost lost Yuuri to those scums- those vile, perfidious, amoral degenerates- he let his emotions rule him. He completely lost control. He remembers the moment he smelled Yuuri’s scent, floral, like roses and bergamot, with a hint of sweetness like oranges, and how the Alpha inside him became so overwhelmed by the need to _claim and protect_. 

See, he’s been able to ignore the fact that Yuuri is an Omega because he hasn’t really smelled it. Out of sight, out of mind, as people like to say. And while Yuuri is undeniably beautiful, with his porcelain skin that looks even more supple when he blushes, and his deep brown eyes that Victor swears are almost amber in the light, Victor has been able to ignore all of that without much difficulty. Yuuri is only 17 after all and Victor has limits, no matter what people may say about him.

But even now, at the memory of Yuuri’s scent, he feels the Alpha in him stirring in interest and _possession_. He punches the bathroom mirror in front of him in disgust. He pounds into the already shattered glass that fell into the sink until the pain is the only thing he knows. He deserves all of it and more. He will gladly burn in the deepest pits of hell if it means hearing Yuuri laughing with him instead of cowering away from him in fear.

Nothing is ever going to make him feel better about laying his hands on Yuuri, after he’s spent months trying to make him feel safe, trying to make Yuuri believe that he can rebuild his home here. He has tried so hard to reign the monster inside of him, to show Yuuri only patience and kindness as he deserves; to keep his demons in a tight leash, only to throw all of it away because he couldn’t curb the animalistic emotions of his Alpha. Such an ugly thing it was. He groans in frustration and heads back down the shooting range before he breaks something else. 

He goes through 6 more boxes of 120-count ammunition. It doesn’t make him feel any less disgusted by himself. 

______________

Yuuri doesn’t see Victor the next day, or the one after that and he’s relieved. He feels like he might go into a full-blown panic attack at the sight of Victor, the memory of Victor’s eyes flashing deep red in anger still lingers in his mind, the feel of Victor’s hand on his jaw is like a phantom ghost that won’t stop haunting him. 

He tries to distract himself by going to the library but he’s interrupted by the sound of Yuri yelling his name. When he turns around, he sees Yuri running to catch up to him, hands waving wildly in an attempt to get his attention.

“Yuuri! Thank god, I’ve been looking for you.” Yuri wraps him a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry for what happened. I fucked up really badly and I’m sorry.”

Yuuri laughs and pulls away, saying, “It’s okay, please don’t worry. I chose to come with you and I knew all the risks.” He gives Yuri a reassuring smile, “Really, I don’t regret what I did. We saved those girls and that counts for something, right?” 

Once he's able to convince Yuri that he's not upset by what had happened, they settle into one of the l-shaped couches in front of the library fireplace. It's the middle of December now and the winter is getting harsh enough that Yuuri feels a constant chill in his hands. 

It’s after a few minutes of silence that Yuuri builds the nerves to ask, “How much trouble did you get into with Otabek?” 

Yuri snorts and says, “A lot. He’s going to be worried for a while but we’ll be okay.”

“So he’s not angry with you anymore?”

“No, not anymore. With what we do, it’s not a good thing to go to bed angry because we don’t know if we’ll even be around tomorrow, you know? Better say everything you want to say to each other so you don’t regret anything. Better to not regret the last thing you say to the one you love before either you or them die first.” 

Yuuri’s taken aback by the matter-of-fact tone Yuri speaks with. “That’s very true,” he has a smile teasing his lips as he adds, “I didn’t take you for such a romantic though.” 

Yuri barks out a laugh and says, “No way, man! Otabek taught me that when we started going out.” He has a distant look on his face as he recalls, “I used to be so angry before I met him. It was like I was trapped in the first 3 stages of grief: denial, guilt, and anger, rinse and repeat. I lashed out at everyone who tried to get close to me. Victor left me alone because he always thought that it’s something I had to learn to deal with by myself -and he wasn’t wrong, there were things I had to accept on my own." 

A rare, soft smile forms on Yuri's face when he says, “But with Otabek, he came barging into my life with his infinite calm and silent displays of affection. For the first time, everything in my head just went _quiet_. He didn’t really have to say much but I knew he would be right there when I needed him. He let me grieve when I wanted to and, I did, for a long time. But then I got to the end and realized I wanted to not be sad all the time, I wanted to be consumed by something else besides the grief and the anger. I still feel sad sometimes, but at least there’s something on the other side and I learned not to feel guilty for making it there, you know?”

Yuuri nods because he understands. The life he’s lived here with Victor, Yuuri, and even Lilia gave him something else to look forward to. Instead of always feeling the weight of his family’s death, heavy and sullen on his shoulders, he finds another reason to get up, to continue with his life. 

After a few silent moments, it’s Yuri who speaks again. “What about you? How much trouble did you get into with Victor?”

Yuuri doesn’t lie when he answers. He doesn’t leave out any details in his retelling either, mentioning how angry he and Victor were 2 nights ago, the confrontation they had, and even how Victor got so angry that Yuuri was almost afraid that Victor was going to hurt him. _Almost._

Yuri has a look of abject horror and fury in his eyes when Yuuri finishes. He mutters, “That fucking fool,” before storming out of the library, yelling about how he’ll talk some sense into the old man. 

Perhaps that’s why Victor is knocking at his bedroom door much later that evening. He’s got a busted lip and a bruise blooming on his jaw, ugly and blue. 

“Did Yuri do that?” Yuuri asks, gesturing to Victor’s face. 

Victor nods and says, “Yes. I deserve it though.” When Yuuri says nothing, Victor explains, “I’m sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have put my hands on you.” 

He tries to step closer but stops dead mid-step at Yuuri’s flinch. _He’s fucked it up beyond repair_. “You’re frightened of me,” he says it more as a fact than a question. 

Silence.

Victor feels resigned. They may not be able to go back to what they were but he still owes Yuuri an apology. “Yuuri, please. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said, and I shouldn’t have done what I did. There are no words that can convey what I did and it’s horrible and inexcusable. I didn’t want to make you feel unsafe or scared of me. I’m not sure how I can fix this but anything you want, I’ll give it to you. I just-,” He balls his hands into tight fists and he says, more quietly, “I just wish things would go back to how they were before all of this.” 

Yuri’s words from earlier come back to Yuuri, _It’s not a good thing to go to bed angry because we don’t know if we’ll even be around tomorrow_ , and he realizes he wants what Victor wants too, and wants it badly. 

Victor has given him a safe place to grieve, to move on, to rebuild every part of him that broke at the loss of his family, all without asking for anything in return except to stay away from the dangerous world Victor lives in. 

And Victor was right to warn him to stay away. Yuuri thinks how easily Alexei could have killed him that night. Even his fiery spirit and will to survive would not have been enough to save him had things gone the other way. Victor only wanted to keep him safe but Yuuri was too headstrong, so focused on his own desire, that he didn't listen. 

It doesn’t take him long to make a decision. Victor has extended an olive branch to him, and Yuuri isn’t going to slap his hand away. He gets up from the bed and makes his way to Victor, stopping when they are toe to toe. He observes the way Victor’s expression changes from resigned to guarded, but hopeful. 

He says, “I want that too,” and takes Victor’s hands into his. “I forgive you and I’m sorry too, for not listening to you. I know you just wanted to protect me and I understand it now. I should have believed you. I’m sorry.” 

When he looks up, he’s taken aback by what he sees. 

Victor is weeping, tears flowing openly down his face. 

“Victor?” Yuuri cups a hand to Victor’s jaw but it only causes a sob to escape from Victor’s lips. 

Yuuri puts his other hand to Victor’s face, his thumbs moving in soothing circles on Victor’s cheeks. “Victor,” he tries again.

Victor wraps trembling arms around Yuuri’s waist and tucks his face in the crook of Yuuri’s neck. He whispers, “I’m sorry, Yuuri.” 

He sounds so broken and Yuuri can’t stop himself from hugging Victor back just as tightly. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Victor clings to him with a fervor of a dying man, murmuring apologies into his skin. 

  
  


______________

A week later, Yuuri is in Victor’s office, curled up on the couch with his head buried in a copy of _Paradise Lost_. Things are not completely back to normal, but it’s good. Victor’s easy smile is back on his face and he seems more relaxed, even engaging in healthy banter with Yuuri last night on the many loopholes in Isaac Asimov’s 3 Rules of Robotics.

He glances to where Victor is standing by the large bay windows, talking to someone on the phone in Russian. When Victor hangs up, he turns to Yuuri and says, “Oh, Yuuri, I’ve been thinking,”

“Hmm, that’s never a good thing,” Yuuri jokes but he bites his lips as he waits for Victor’s response, wondering if he’s gone too far. 

Victor’s head tilts back as he laughs and it’s deep and wonderful and infectious that Yuuri can’t help laughing softly in return. 

Victor shakes his head and says, “You’re unfathomable.” He moves to the opposite end of the couch, picking up a hardcover copy of _The Odyssey_.

After some time, Victor speaks up, “What would you like for Christmas, Yuuri?”

“I think I should be the one asking you that. Isn’t your birthday on Christmas day?”

“Well, yes. But we don’t celebrate such things in Russia. Besides, you never ask me for anything. To give you something you actually asked for, that’s enough of a gift for me.” 

“Teach me how to fight,” Yuuri says, not even pausing to think about it. 

When Victor gives him an exasperated look as if to say _Not again,_ he sets his book down on the floor and sits up. He explains, "Before Yuri found me on that ship, there was this guy who came into the room where me and the 4 girls were kept. He asked us to go with him but of course, I wasn’t going to let him touch any of those girls so I told him no. That's when he tried to attack me. I don’t know how I managed to take him down -he was probably 3 times my size- but I did. I tried to take his gun but he overpowered me. He hit me and then he," he shuts his eyes at the memory, pressing his palms against his eyelids. His voice sounds shaky when he continues, "he tried to strangle me and I remember feeling so fucking _scared_. I remember thinking, _‘this is how I am going to die’_. Somehow I did manage to kill him but, I think I also just got really lucky. It could have easily gone the other way around.” 

Yuuri removes the hands from his face and looks down at them, recalling the feeling of blood dripping down his wrists. “But I hate how helpless I felt in that moment. How, even if it was just for a split second, I had accepted the fact that I was going to die. I don’t want to feel like that again. If I am going to die by someone’s hand, I want to die knowing I fought until I couldn’t anymore, and not because I just gave up, thinking that there was nothing I could have done that would have made a difference. Mari said that I am my own greatest weapon but that's useless if I don’t even know how to use it, right _?”_

He moves down to the floor, kneels in the traditional Japanese _dogeza_ , and says, “So, please teach me. You can even decide what you want to teach me. It can be shooting a gun or just learning how to fight better, I don't care. I just want to learn." 

Yuuri chances a glance at Victor, expecting to be immediately shut down. 

Victor looks _wrecked_. His eyes are wide and shiny from unshed tears and his lips are parted as he releases a stuttering exhale. He grabs Yuuri’s wrists and when he speaks, his voice sounds hoarse, “Yuuri,” he breathes out again like he’s trying to gather himself before he continues, “Yes, of course, yes. That would be- yes, that’s good.” 

He pulls Yuuri into a tight hug and takes deep, steady breaths to try and abate the many emotions that unfurl inside him. The thought of eviscerating anyone who tries to hurt Yuuri fills him with a feral sense of satisfaction.

But the vision of Yuuri, beautiful and strong, bathed in the blood of anyone who would try to even _look_ at him wrong?

Well, Victor thinks that must be what heaven looks like. 

Yuuri is not powerless, no matter what he believes. The fire that burns inside him wouldn’t allow that. And Victor knows that by giving Yuuri what he wants -by teaching him how to fight, how to kill- that fire will only grow, spreading like wildfire, threatening to scorch everything in its path. 

But of course, Victor will do as he asks. Because Yuuri says this is the one thing he wants and Victor will not deny him, will never deny him, won’t ever have the strength to deny him. He imagines what it would feel like to be burned by Yuuri, to feel his innocence and sweetness while also tasting the darkness that follows him like a shadow and hearing the criminal thoughts running through his head. 

Victor thinks he wouldn’t mind being consumed in the flames at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I firmly believe that underneath all the vitriol he displayed in the anime, Yuri can be a sweetheart and that is how I wanted to portray how he interacts with Yuuri, especially since they are so similar (and also because Yuuri is much younger than him in this story). 
> 
> Also, a quick Google check said that it takes 5 hours to drive from Milan to Paris and by plane, it's about 1.5 hours. For a private jet that can travel up to 800 mph (like a Cessna), it takes about 30 minutes, which is how Victor and Otabek make it to Paris so quickly. If that is not correct, I apologize XD 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my work and I hope you enjoyed it. Comments are always welcome <3
> 
> The title for this chapter is from Hozier's Cherry Wine. I should probably make this a series called "Why do all of Hozier's songs remind me of Victuuri?" because the rest of the chapters are all from his songs too XD


	6. When you move, I could never define all that you are to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, Victor is not a saintly man; he already knows there’s no spot in heaven waiting for him when he leaves this earth. If anything, the trail of bodies he leaves behind is probably long enough to lead him straight to a seat next to the devil himself. 
> 
> But it’s the quiet moments he allows himself when he thinks of how soft Yuuri’s lips will feel against his own, the sweet noises Yuuri will make when Victor shows him the definition of pleasure, and how delicious Yuuri’s blood will taste when Victor bites a claiming mark on his neck - these are the sins he regrets the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Apologies for the delay, but here is the next chapter! 
> 
> Thank you to all the kudos and comments from everyone, I love you all! <3
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING:
> 
> Angst!

Time passes. Days turn into weeks, into months, and before Yuuri notices, it's the middle of November and he’s about to spend another birthday in Victor’s home. He ponders with a smile as he makes his way to meet Victor at the gym for another sparring session. 

Since they talked about it in Victor’s office many months ago, they’ve established a routine of meeting every day at 4 in the afternoon where, for an hour or two, Victor would show Yuuri all the different ways to fight. Some days, they would meet in the shooting range where Victor would show him how to shoot each gun from his massive collection and teach him exactly where to shoot someone if he wants to kill or incapacitate.

Other days, like today, they would meet at the gym, where he and Victor would spar, and Victor would coach him on how to improve his footwork and dodging skills. 

During their first lesson, Victor made a beckoning motion with his hand, telling Yuuri, “Do your best to try and land a hit on me.” 

So Yuuri did, trying different openings, going in from different angles. But every single move Victor was able to block with a swift kick to his shin or a hard elbow to his stomach or chest. 

Since then, Yuuri’s learned to be quicker on his feet and to attack with his one hand while keeping the other close to protect his body. He’s learned how to escape from the many different ways someone can trap him: whether it’s someone holding down his hands, someone choking him, or even someone with a weapon right against his body. He took every lesson to heart and he felt the thrill as he got better and better. 

In fact, Yuuri’s gotten good enough that the odds can easily shift between him and Victor with a single move, instead of unevenly stacked on Victor’s side. 

Today, the odds shift in Yuuri’s favor when Victor falls for his feint, and he moves opposite to what his body initially suggested and pushes Victor down into a tangle of limbs. He sits on Victor’s stomach and leans forward so Victor’s head is framed between his hands. He laughs softly as he declares, “I win again!” 

Victor groans, “Not yet!” He sits up, body tensing underneath Yuuri, and keeps pushing until their position is flipped, with Yuuri flat on his back and Victor on top of him, Victor’s hands cushioning his head against the fall. 

He feels trapped by the heavier mass of Victor’s body so instead, he reaches his hands down to Victor’s waist and begins mercilessly tickling him. Victor yelps back in surprise and Yuuri takes advantage of it, flipping them over until he’s on top once again, relentlessly tickling Victor’s sides.

Victor raises his hands in surrender and says, “Mercy, Yuuri! You win!” Yuuri rolls off him but doesn’t move too far away. He collapses tiredly right next to Victor on the floor, both laying on their sides, facing each other, and exchanging soft smiles and hearty laughs. This is how it always ends, no matter who wins.

If Yuuri’s heart is beating faster from the heat of Victor’s body against his, or if he doesn’t want to let go when Victor grips his hand tightly to help him up, or if he wants to run his fingers down the scars on Victor’s bare chest and kiss forgiveness onto each one, then that is his secret to keep. 

The first time it happened, he couldn’t look Victor in the eyes. He mumbled quick goodbyes as soon as their sparring session was over. He ran back to his room and splashed cold water on his undoubtedly blushing face for a full 2 minutes. He spent the rest of that evening trying to understand when he’d even started thinking of Victor in _that_ way and make sense of what he felt. But by the time morning came around, he still felt just as confused, as lost, and frankly, also a little bit frightened. 

Since then, he’s tried to put aside such thoughts and emotions because he’s afraid Victor would see right through him. He already knows that Victor would not even look at him twice if he found out, probably convinced that Yuuri was just suffering from an ill-placed crush, a fleeting infatuation and that keeping distance would be the best way for Yuuri to get rid of it. 

Yuuri would rather hide his emotions than throw away the relationship he and Victor had built up over the past year. He wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s love, but he feels a certain kind of admiration and respect for Victor and the things that he believes in, and it grows even bigger the more they get to know each other. 

Victor is kind, sweet, _funny_ , and his laugh is like an evening tide that pulls Yuuri in, threatening to drown him in an ocean as deep as Victor’s eyes yet just as gentle, just as calm, and Yuuri finds that he wouldn’t mind being consumed by the waves.

As foolish as it sounds, the more they get to know each other, the more Yuuri is filled with the strong urge to protect Victor, although he’s not sure from what. Perhaps it’s the sight of the scars, both old and new, that litter Victor’s body, or the way he sometimes looks trapped, defeated, _tired_ when he thinks Yuuri isn’t looking, that brings out in Yuuri a sense of protectiveness that he’s never felt before and cannot find a way to describe. 

Regardless of how he feels, one thing is certain: nothing is going to come of it because he and Victor are born in different lives and Victor can no more see him as a lover than he can probably even consider Yuuri as a friend. After all, Yuuri is years younger, and will probably only end up being a burden to Victor than anything else. 

He can’t help eventually confiding to Yuri about it though, during one of the rare evenings they get to spend together, bellies full of delicious food and heads slightly fuzzy from the day’s earlier activities. But instead of the lecture he’s expecting, Yuri just rolls his eyes and proclaims he already knows and you’d have to be a fool not to notice how Yuuri and Victor constantly look like they are one minute away from kissing each other senseless or how absolutely moonstruck Victor is -practically bending over backward to give Yuuri anything he asks for. 

He even goes as far as suggesting that Yuuri act on his feelings because his confession might stop Victor from suffering in silence like a complete idiot. Otherwise, the old man might just keel over and die from the guilt of lusting over him. 

Yuuri feels heat rising to his face as he vehemently denies Victor feeling the same way because that is just impossible _._ Yuuri is just, well, _Yuuri._ But Victor is wonderful, gorgeous, strong, and just everything Yuuri _isn’t._ Victor is Pakhan and deserves someone equally as amazing, and someone who can share the burden he carries. Someone unlike Yuuri, who has anxiety constantly thrumming in his veins, who’s young and inexperienced, who’s headstrong and disobedient, and will probably question every single decision Victor makes. 

But Yuri just rolls his eyes again and says that Yuuri is an idiot if he doesn’t see that that’s exactly the reason why he and Victor are perfect for each other. Victor isn’t interested in a subservient mate, but someone who can help him see sense when he’s overwhelmed by his Alpha’s rage, yet give him kindness and love when he needs it.

Yuri adds, “I’m serious! You’re both lovesick idiots and I think you really should talk to him. But I suggest you wait until after your 18th birthday though, otherwise Victor will just convince himself that he pressured you to confess and probably shoot himself in the leg as punishment.”

Yuuri blushes an alarming shade of pink and gives Yuri a friendly shove, muttering how he’s no help with his ridiculous suggestions. 

Later though, as he’s curled up in bed, he can’t help the dangerous imaginings of what would happen if Victor were to accept him, what Victor’s lips must feel like pressed against his. He shoves his face into his pillow because he is not going to entertain that. It’s never going to happen. 

________________________________

  
  


Victor wonders if Yuuri is slowly trying to kill him. 

He bemoans this to Otabek, who’s probably wondering if this really is part of the job description of being Victor’s bodyguard, but Victor can’t help it. Every day that Yuuri shows up to meet him for their training sessions, he dies a little bit more.

Because Yuuri always watches Victor with those deep amber eyes, wide-eyed with wonder, and throws himself into whatever Victor wants to teach him that day, the long lines of his body taut with excitement and unbridled enthusiasm.

It drives Victor mad. But the worst thing about it is that he knows Yuuri is not doing it on purpose. He is probably completely oblivious to the way Victor bites the inside of his cheeks until he tastes blood, or how he clenches his fists so tightly that the deep half-moon marks of his nails don’t begin to fade until tomorrow, just to stop himself from doing something stupid, like push Yuuri against the nearest flat surface and do terrible, bad things with him. 

It is unfair that Yuuri can be absolutely delectable and yet innocent and definitely _illegal._

(Okay, maybe not illegal by Russia’s standard since the age of consent is 16. But Victor has morals, and he’s always believed that if you’re not old enough to own a gun, how can you be old enough to consent to anything? Surely you need to be able to buy a gun first so that you can shoot anyone who tries to force themselves on you straight in the face. But that’s his personal opinion.)

Victor thinks this must be what Adam thought when he ate the forbidden fruit, conflicted but unrepentant as he took the first bite of that scrumptious, mouth-watering treat. 

Not that he thinks Yuuri is simply that -a treat he’ll enjoy once and regret immediately after, the way Adam regretted what he’d done as soon as his paradise turned into something ugly and garish. No, Yuuri is a feast, looking like he was designed from head to toe by God himself, with his intelligence, his eloquence, and his sweet, sweet heart. 

Victor thinks, not for the first time, that he’d willingly die for this man many times over. 

That’s the thing though, Yuuri isn’t a man. He is just a _boy._

Now, Victor is not a saintly man; he already knows there’s no spot in heaven waiting for him when he leaves this earth. If anything, the trail of bodies he leaves behind is probably long enough to lead him straight to a seat next to the devil himself. 

But it’s the quiet moments he allows himself when he thinks of how soft Yuuri’s lips will feel against his own, the sweet noises Yuuri will make when Victor shows him the definition of pleasure, and how delicious Yuuri’s blood will taste when Victor bites a claiming mark on his neck - these are the sins he regrets the most. 

Because Yuuri deserves better than a monster like Victor. 

Yuuri, who has a kind heart and a brilliant mind, does not deserve to be burdened by the screams that haunt Victor’s nightmares, or the stories behind the scars on his body. Yuuri’s fiery spirit and sweet soul deserves a life full of opportunities, bright and promising and _free_ , instead of a future chained to the evil that shadows Victor’s life. Yuuri’s innocence and purity deserves to see the many people who will surely fall at his feet, vying for his affections, instead of the violence and death caused by Victor’s hands. 

But there is a voice inside of Victor’s head, traitorous and beguiling, saying, _Why should he not be what Yuuri deserves?_ His wealth can provide Yuuri with plenty of books and education to appease his curious mind, give him more jewels and riches than anyone else can even dream of, and give him a life where he will never want for anything. 

Most importantly, he is the only one who can nurture the one thing Yuuri will be too afraid to show anyone else. 

There is a darkness that builds inside Yuuri’s heart, hateful, bitter, and oh so _beautiful_ . It’s the darkness that drove Yuuri to kill with his bare hands, the force that made him repulse at feeling weak and helpless. Victor saw it in Yuuri’s eyes when they first met, saw it again the night Yuuri confronted Giovanni, and again when he asked Victor to teach him how to fight. He sees it every time Yuuri picks up a gun to practice his aim or readies his posture before they spar. The sight of it leaves Victor breathless and salivating with _want_ and makes his toes curl in incomparable pleasure. 

Everyone else will only want Yuuri for their selfish desires. But Victor knows they only will stifle him, choke the fire out of him until he is nothing more than a body without a spirit. 

Victor doesn’t want that, wants to burn everything to the ground at the mere thought of it. He will never want Yuuri pliant and waiting on him, hand and foot, only living to be Victor’s source of pleasure and heirs. No, he wants Yuuri in his darkest and most vengeful, in his sweetest and brightest and most headstrong, in his loudest and most demanding. He wants Yuuri in his bed, wanton and _consenting_ , giving only what he wants while Victor will happily give and give and give. 

He wants Yuuri to be his equal in every single way. No one else can give Yuuri this, and it’s what makes Victor his perfect match.

___________________________________

“What do you want to do for your birthday?”

Yuuri looks up from his food to Yuri, sitting across from him on the dining table. He shrugs and says, “Oh, I haven’t thought about it.”

“No way,” Yurio gives him an incredulous look, “You’re turning 18! Life opens up a slew of possibilities for you. Want to go bar hopping in downtown St. Petersburg? Oh, oh, even better! We can go club-hopping, maybe I can introduce you to some nice people, hmm?” 

Yuuri leans over, waving his hands frantically. “Please stop,” he’s blushing deeply as he pleads, “please, stop. You know I’m not really into that.”

“Which part? The drinking or the meeting people?”

“B-both!” Just the thought of going to a packed club, with people constantly bumping into him, touching him, makes his skin crawl. He says, more quietly, “I think I’d rather just stay here, maybe we can do something small.”

“Well duh, we’re going to do that anyway. Mila and Georgi are already planning what food to bring. But you don’t really want to do anything to celebrate for yourself? Something that you’ve been wanting to do? Maybe I can show you how to drive a car?”

Yuuri gives him a small smile. Because of Yuri’s friendship, Mila, Georgi, and even Chris have started opening up to Yuuri, becoming more comfortable around him, to the point where he’s confident in saying that they’ve all become good friends. “That does sound good. I think I’d like that very much.”

Yuri returns his smile and says, “Okay. But we’re taking Victor’s car because you’re not totaling mine.”

Thinking that’s the end of their conversation, Yuuri leans back on his chair and resumes eating but then Yuri says, with a smirk, “Also, you’re going to ask Victor to borrow his car. He won’t let me do that anymore.”

It takes all of Yuuri’s self-control not to spit out his _borscht_ all over the table. 

____________________________

  
  
  
  


Yuuri decides to ask Victor the next day after they are done with another round of sparring. 

They are both sitting on one of the benches, towels around their neck and bottles of water in hand. Yuuri tries and fails in his attempt to not stare at Victor, who’s leaning back, one arm hanging behind the bench, the long line of his throat exposed as he takes long gulps of water, and his legs splayed out in front of him. 

His upper body is a work of art, all lean, toned muscles, and scars. There is a large tattoo of a Siberian tiger forming a half sleeve on his left arm, starting from the top of his shoulder and stopping right above his elbow. It’s black and white save for the blue eyes that are so reminiscent of Victor’s own. But the one that gets Yuuri’s attention the most are the words tattooed over Victor’s right chest that says:

_Per me ingrediamini in urbem dolente_

_Per me ingrediamini in aeternum dolorem_

_Per me ingrediamini post gentes perditas_

“Does it bother you?”

Yuuri is so focused that he almost misses the question. “What?”

Victor motions up and down his body, “The scars, do they bother you? I’m sorry, let me put a shirt on,” he starts to stand up, looking around for his discarded shirt.

Yuuri wants to cry. He’s never seen Victor look away from him before. He’s never even seen Victor look so uncertain, so _insecure_ about himself. He stands halfway off the bench to grab Victor’s elbow and assures him, “No! No, they don’t bother me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare, I just,” _want to press kisses into each one, I want to hunt down every single person responsible for giving them to you and kill them, I want to take away the pain from all of it._ Instead, he points to the tattoo on Victor’s chest and says “What does it mean?” 

Victor seems placated by his question and sits back down. “It means ‘ _I am the way into the city of woe. I am the way to a forsaken people. I am the way into eternal sorrow.’_ It’s from Dante’s _Inferno._ ” He gives Yuuri a wry smile before continuing, “Word spread quickly just a few months after I took over the Bratva. People heard of how many I killed in such a short amount of time that they started calling me a monster, the destroyer, the devil. I didn’t really pay attention to it because I thought the more people feared me, the better my chances of surviving. But, when I was 19, I was kidnapped and I ended up killing 40 people with my own bare hands before my men could even figure out where I was taken.”

“I’m sure you only did what you had to so you could escape.”

Victor shakes his head, “I would have been able to escape without killing all of them but I did it anyway. And I didn’t just kill those people, Yuuri. I _mutilated_ them, one by one. I tore each of them to pieces and enjoyed it too. I remember when Chris and a few of my men finally arrived at the scene, they had a look of sheer terror in their faces at what they saw. I realized then that, maybe, what everyone else was saying must be true. I must be the worst kind of evil to be capable of doing the things I did. Maybe killing is the only thing I’m good for. Maybe no matter how I try, I will always leave a trail of deaths behind me. _‘I am the way into the city of woe.’_ I thought it was a fitting sentiment. _”_

“Victor,” Yuuri reaches out to hold one of Victor’s hands between his own, “I can’t speak for everyone else but I know I can’t agree with that. You are a good man, and I firmly believe that. I know you would never do any harm to anyone unless they deserved it.” 

“But am I wrong to say I’ve done some things to make you feel afraid of me?”

“Yes, you would be wrong. I’ve never been afraid of you, not even when we first met.” 

“No, I didn’t think you were afraid then,” there’s a teasing smile on Victor’s lips when he says, “You tried to kill me the first time we met.”

Yuuri laughs softly, “Yeah, I did. I didn’t trust you at the time. I thought you were just like everyone else. You offered me a home, my ballet lessons, and a whole bunch of other things without asking for anything in return and I felt terrified -not of you- but of what might happen if I did start to trust you. Mari used to tell me that kind people didn’t exist, that it was all just a facade until they got what they wanted from me. I think I was more unsure of myself than I was afraid of you.”

“What about that time when we got back from Paris?”

Yuuri shakes his head, “I wasn’t afraid of you then, either. I think I was more afraid that we wouldn’t have been able to go back from it. I was more afraid of losing you than I was afraid _of_ you.” 

“Really? That’s what worried you?” 

“Yeah,” he gives Victor a soft smile, “Yeah.”

After a few moments of companionable silence, Yuuri remembers what he meant to ask, “Oh, Victor, do you think I can borrow your car this weekend?”

“Why?”

He is going to kill Yuri for making him ask. Of course, Victor will say no. I mean Yuuri doesn’t even have a license, why would he want to drive? Where would he even go? Maybe he should just take it back, say it was a joke or-

“Yuuri, calm down,” Victor wraps his hands around Yuuri’s wrists, applying a light, reassuring squeeze. “Of course you can borrow the car. I was just curious why. You’ve never asked me that until now.” 

“Oh,” Yuuri lets out a relieved exhale, “Yuri wanted to show me how to drive, as my birthday gift.” 

There’s an expression that flickers in Victor’s face that suggests strongly of disappointment. When he speaks again he sounds… quieter, like he’s forcing for nonchalance, “Oh? That sounds nice,” he pauses for a beat, “Is that what you wanted for your birthday?”

Yuuri says, perhaps a little too quickly, “No! I mean, _I_ didn’t ask for that specifically. Yuri was bouncing ideas about what I might want since I’m turning 18. There are more things I can legally do now, I suppose? But it was either the driving lesson or going, in his words, ‘club-hopping and introducing me to some nice people’, which I find scarier than risking totaling your car if I’m honest.” He lets out a small laugh, hoping it can hide his embarrassment. 

Victor laughs in return, “That sounds a lot like Yurio,” he reaches down to the gym bag he slid underneath the bench, grabs the keys to his Jaguar and tosses it to Yuuri. “Here you go. Don’t let Yurio convince you to drive it. You, I trust. Him? Not so much.”

Yuuri reaches down for his own gym bag and slips the keys into one of the pockets, trying to pretend he didn’t hear Victor admit that he trusts Yuuri, perhaps even more than Yuri. When he sits up again, he sees Victor holding out a small box, wrapped in glossy paper and sealed with a gold ribbon. His brows furrow in askance and Victor explains, “Now that we’re on the subject, I have a gift for you as well. I meant to give it to you later, but I think now’s as good a time as any.” 

His smile is nervous as he sets the box into Yuuri’s lap, “I know it’s a bit early but happy birthday, _kotenok_.” 

Yuuri carefully unravels the ribbon and gently pulls the gift wrap at one of the folded seams. When the wrapping comes away, he lets out a soft gasp as he sees what’s inside: It’s a gun case, there is no mistaking its size and weight. It’s made of brown, hard leather and embossed with intricate patterns of vines and leaves along the borders. There’s a 3-digit combination lock between two brass latches, with the numbers currently set to [0,0,0] so Yuuri can set his own if he wants to. He presses on the latches and it opens with a soft ‘click’.

The inside is just as beautiful, lined top and bottom with a soft layer of foam and trimmed to perfectly fit the _Yarygin_ pistol that rests inside. The gun has custom gold grip panels engraved with cherry blossoms, as well as a custom gold slide, engraved with Cyrillic letters spelling out **котенок** , and Yuuri doesn’t have to guess what it means. 

_It’s perfect,_ he thinks. He doesn’t even want to touch it, afraid that he’s going to break it somehow. But he lifts the gun from the case anyway, marveling at the weight of it in his hand, how completely balanced it is as it rests on his palm. He’s speechless, and he probably can’t find the right words in Russian, Japanese, or English dictionaries to describe what he feels right now. He’s crying before he can stop himself, the sobs making his shoulders shake uncontrollably. 

Victor’s expression shatters at the sight of Yuuri crying and he says, “I thought it fitting since you’ve been getting really good during practice.” He bites his bottom lips and asks, “I’m sorry, is it too much? Perhaps I was being a bit presumptuous.”

Yuuri shakes his head and wipes away his tears. He puts the gun back in place and sets the case gently down on the floor before leaning forward and wrapping trembling arms around Victor’s back. He knows he’s going to butcher it but he says the words anyway, trying to mimic the way he heard Yurio say it a few times, “ _Spasibo,_ Victor _.”_ He hears Victor gasp and feels strong arms snaking around his waist and pulling him close.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that but even when they move to pull away, neither of them really moves away completely. Victor’s arms are still loosely holding his hips and his palms still rest on Victor’s chest. Overcome with a sudden surge of courage and foolishness, Yuuri reaches a gentle hand to Victor’s face and, when Victor makes no move to pull away, lets his thumb trace the bow of Victor’s lips, now slightly parted as a reaction to Yuuri’s touch. He whispers, “Victor,” closes his eyes, and leans forward-

“Oi, _Katusdon,_ haven’t you gotten any of my calls? I’ve-”

Victor pulls away like he’s been burned. Without looking at Yuuri, he grabs his gym bag and runs out of the room, nearly shoving Yuri to the ground in his haste. 

Yuuri groans inwardly, running his hands all over his face. 

“Yuuri, what the fuck was that about?”

And Yuuri wants to cry again, but this time out of frustration. He wants to chase after Victor and try again (he was pretty certain Victor was going to kiss him back and he needs to _know_ ), he also wants to smack Yurio in the back of his head because his timing, as always, is not great. But he just sighs and looks at his friend, who’s now standing in front of him, a worried look on his face. “Everything’s fine, Yuri.” 

Eventually, he distracts Yuri enough when they go out to drive Victor’s Jaguar that any memory of their earlier conversation is forgotten for the rest of the day.

  
  


___________________________________________

Victor is now certain that Yuuri is definitely trying to kill him. He’s finally in his room, back against the door and panting hard, his heart thundering painfully against his chest, and it’s definitely not just because he ran all the way over here. 

_What the hell was that about?_ Was Yuuri about to kiss him back there? He’s going to kill Yurio, damn that boy and his horrible timing. Who does he think he is, anyway? Showing Yuuri how to drive? Victor should be the one showing Yuuri all of that, no one else has that right. 

He bangs his head harshly against his door. He is not going to entertain such thoughts. Jealousy is such an ugly thing and Victor refuses to succumb to it. Yuuri deserves better than that. 

He takes a very cold shower and goes back to his office where he tries for the next 8 hours to focus on his work, instead of replaying what happened between him and Yuuri in the gym earlier, or well, what _could have happened_. 

He fails miserably and eventually, Chris kicks him out of the office, saying, “Your moping is infuriating. Go away until you no longer look like you want to step in front of a moving truck. If you can’t do that either, then please go ahead and step in front of a moving truck because I wouldn’t want to see your face again,” and slams the door on his face. 

It takes him another 4 hours before he can stop his mind from imagining what would have happened if Yuuri _had_ kissed him this morning. He finally sleeps after promising himself that he’ll talk to Yuuri about it tomorrow. 

But Yuuri doesn’t bring it up the next day, or the day after that so Victor doesn’t either. 

It still takes another 2 days for him to refocus on work, at least enough that Chris stops kicking him out. 

_________________________________

Yuuri comes back from his ballet lesson one afternoon, just two days before his birthday, to see Mila waiting for him outside his bedroom. She smiles and brings out a box she was hiding behind her back. “Here,” she says, shoving the box into his hands, “something for you to wear to your birthday party.” 

“Party? What party?” 

“Oh, Yuri didn’t tell you?” She has a mischievous glint in her eyes, “We’ve been planning it for the past month now. Don’t worry, there’s not going to be a lot of people, I promise.” But Yuuri is already worrying, his mind running past different excuses he can use to skip his own birthday party. He needs to have a conversation with Yuri tomorrow. 

He goes into his room and sets the box on the bed, Mila following to stand next to him, waiting for his reaction as he opens it. 

It’s beautiful. The dress is floor-length and sleeveless. The outer layer is sheer black, and there is an array of pearls and beading that wrap around the high neck, the shoulders, and down the skirt. The lining underneath is made of black satin and Yuuri can’t help running his fingers over the soft fabric. 

“Mila, I,” he swallows the lump in his throat and he turns to her, tears in his eyes, “Thank you so much, it’s so beautiful.”   
  


She laughs and tugs him into a hug, “You’re welcome,” She pulls away and points to the dress, “Go try it on for me? I want to make sure it fits properly.”

Yuuri’s actually never worn a dress, especially not something this exquisite. His goal was to always hide his identity when he was growing up so he never found a reason to splurge on clothing like this. But he remembers looking at some fashion magazines Yuuko gave him, remembers looking at the different colors and cuts, dreaming about one day being free enough to wear something like that without fear. 

He heads to the bathroom to try it on. He steps into the dress and his skin tingles at the smooth slide of the lining against his skin. He zips it all the way up before he goes back out to his bedroom, not having the courage to glance at himself in the mirror. 

When he steps out, he looks down on the ground and asks Mila shyly, “I look ridiculous, don’t I”

He looks up when Mila doesn’t say anything and finds her staring at him, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. He has to flinch when she squeals, “Yuuri!! Oh my god, you look so beautiful! What the hell are you talking about? Have you looked at yourself?” 

She runs up to him and pushes him back into the bathroom, stopping when they are in front of the full-length mirror. 

He, too, is surprised by what he sees. He looks… good. Beautiful, even. The dress fits him perfectly and he wouldn’t be surprised if Mila had taken it to the seamstress before giving it to him. It tapers at just the right spot to show off his slim waist, and flares out just enough to accentuate the curve of his hips. The long slit starts a few inches above his right knee, showing off his dancer’s thighs. 

Mila gives him a knowing look in their reflections and says, “I think Victor might actually die when he sees you in this. Seriously, you will straight up trigger a heart attack and kill our Pakhan.” 

Yuuri blushes hard and tries to change the subject by asking Mila to unzip him. Mila keeps teasing him until she leaves, her snickers resounding in the hallway.

______________________________

Victor bounces his leg impatiently and repeatedly glances down his watch. Otabek looks at him from the rearview mirror and says, “Everything alright, sir?”

Victor glances down his watch again before replying, “I just can’t believe a one-hour meeting turned into 3. I hope we’re not going to be late.”

Otabek chuckles and says, “Yeah, we’ll be there in about 10 minutes.”

When they arrive, Victor barely says goodbye to Otabek as he jumps out of the car and runs to his room. He glances down his watch again and curses when he realizes he only has about 20 minutes to shower and change out of his bloodied suit. 

He’s done in 15 minutes. He opens the door and sees Otabek, also changed out of his bloodied shirt and cargo pants into a nicer black tuxedo, waiting for him with a small smile playing on his lips. 

“Ready, sir?”

Victor nods and says, “Yeah, let’s go,” and lets Otabek lead him into one of the larger formal dining rooms that has been converted to accommodate a DJ booth, 2 large speakers, and a makeshift dance floor. 

Mila, Georgi, Leo, and Guang-ho are already there, helping themselves to the appetizers on the dining table, which has now been pushed against the wall. Chris is there too getting drinks at the stand-in bar, with the guy he’s been seeing for 4 months, Michele Crispino. 

True to her words, Mila only invited a handful of people and only those that Yuuri considers himself friendly with. 

Yuri is still with Yuuri back in his room, something about helping Yuuri put on whatever he’s decided to wear. Mila joked with Victor that he might just die when he sees Yuuri today, but didn’t say much else. All Victor knows is that he somehow paid for the expense, even though he doesn’t know how much it cost.

As soon as Yuuri walks into the room though, Victor finds he doesn’t really care because _Jesus_ _fucking Christ_.

It looks absolutely perfect. 

Or, rather, Yuuri makes the dress look perfect on his body. 

Yuuri enters the room arm-in-arm with Yuri, a gentle blush on his cheeks as his friends come up to give him birthday well-wishes. Victor feels glued to the spot where he stands, absentmindedly waving Otabek off so he could go say hello too. 

The gods could strike Victor down now and he wouldn’t even care. He’s too enraptured staring at the beauty in front of him. Yuuri’s skin looks even paler in that black dress. The pearls and sparkling beading compliment the rosiness of his cheeks and brings out the gold flecks in his eyes. His hair is styled back, making the bone structure of his face more prominent. Victor can’t help his eyes as they trail down the dress, watching as the slit reveals a toned thigh every time Yuuri moves. Then there’s the shoes. The heels are a bit high, about 4 inches, but it’s the perfect height for the dress not to drape on the floor and for the muscles on Yuuri’s legs to show. 

Victor can picture Yuuri as a ballet dancer now, with the straight line of his back, the drop of his shoulders, and the graceful way he walks around the room, even in those shoes. 

“ _Wow,_ ” says Chris, and Victor startles and mentally curses himself for not even noticing that someone’s just walked up next to him. Mila was right, Victor might actually die tonight if he keeps being this careless. 

“Wow,” Chris says again and this time he turns to Victor, waiting for some kind of reaction. 

Victor doesn’t bother denying staring at Yuuri and just says, “Yeah. Wow.” 

Yuuri breaks out into a grin when he spots Victor and, with confident, smooth strides makes his way over to stand in front of him. 

Victor clenches his hand into fists, almost instinctively, to stop himself from grabbing Yuuri and whisking him away somewhere more private. 

“Hello,” says Yuuri, and he has an almost shy smile on his lips. 

“H-hello,” Victor croaks out, and he throws a glare at Chris, who’s snickering quietly next to him. Chris clears his throat and says, “I’ll go check on Mickey,” and winks at Victor before walking away. 

Victor thinks, _Why is everyone here laughing at his expense?_ Perhaps he’ll demote Chris to do clean-up for a whole month as payback. He looks back at Yuuri, who’s still looking up at him with a soft smile, and tries to rack his brain for anything to say, just so Yuuri won’t walk away and talk to someone else. _You look beautiful, absolutely perfect. I want you to stay by my side forever. I don’t want to let you go. For the first time I wish I was like everyone else, with a normal life and a normal job, perhaps you might love me as much as I already love you._

But then music starts streaming softly from the speakers so he offers his hand and asks instead, “I know I’m probably not the first to ask but, would you like to dance?” 

Yuuri’s laugh is just as soft. He shakes his head and says, “No, you’d be the first, actually,” and takes Victor’s hand. 

They make their way to the dance floor, which really is just a large rubber mat placed on the floor. They fumble the first few steps, trying to get used to how each other moves, and getting into the rhythm of the music. Victor holds Yuuri’s left hand with his right, and he’s got another hand on Yuuri’s waist, while Yuuri’s other hand rests on his chest, running delicate fingers on the lapels of his suit. No words are exchanged between them, both feeling more than content to be in each other’s arms, swaying softly with the music. 

Just as the first song ends, the second one starts right away and when Yuuri makes no move to pull away, to go dance with someone else, Victor holds on a little tighter. 

______________________________________

Yuuri thinks he might be dreaming. Victor is looking at him with so much softness and fondness that he feels an overwhelming sense of longing and something stronger than admiration. _Oh._

_He loves this man._ Loves him with the intensity of a thousand suns. Loves him with the ferocity of a looming storm, threatening to destroy everyone and everything that dares to take away his heart-shaped smile and try to dampen his spirit. Yuuri loves him in his darkest when he’s teetering on the edge of succumbing to the monster inside him, and in his brightest, like he is now, looking at Yuuri like he’s the only other person in this room. 

This realization isn’t something he wants to keep to himself, no matter what the risk. He wants to tell Victor, wants him to hear every single emotion overflowing and bubbling from Yuuri’s heart. He decides to tell Victor later, after the party. For now, he wants to enjoy Victor’s smiles and the feel of Victor's hand on his hip, squeezing and moving up and down his waist. 

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Michele and Chris enter the dance floor and they begin to sway with the music as well. In the back of Yuuri’s mind, he wonders why Michele looks familiar, something in his purple eyes that Yuuri’s seen before.

“Chris looks happy,” he murmurs to Victor, “Is that he’s boyfriend?”

Victor nods, “Yeah, Michele Crispino, I think is his name. They’ve been going out for 4 months, which is rare for Chris, so it’s probably getting serious too.”

Crispino. Crispino. Where did Yuuri hear that name? He tries to sort out his memories, revisiting recent things Yuri has told him. Was it someone Yuri knew? Maybe Chris already mentioned the last name before and Yuuri just didn’t remember? Crispino. Cris-

_Fuck._

The nurse back in Japan. In the Omega wing of that hospital. Sara Crispino. Yuuri has stopped moving now. He thinks he hears Victor calling his name but he can't really hear anything over the sound of ringing in his ears. Has JJ found him? Or is he just over-reacting? Did Yakov tell them where he is? _Fuck!_

He sees Chris and Michele stop dancing too and Michele is looking at him, something dark and dangerous in his face. Then everything around them seems to slow down, like a movie set to slow-motion. 

Michele is taking something from his pocket and he’s shoving Chris to the ground. Yuuri sees the shiny end of a silencer as Michele aims down and shoots Chris, not even reacting as his supposed boyfriend falls back, limp and unmoving. He doesn’t even spare a glance either as he walks over Chris’ body, already making his way to Yuuri and Victor. Yuuri wonders why no one’s bothering to help them but he doesn’t have time to look around because Michele is raising his gun again and pointing it at Victor. 

Yuuri looks at Victor, who’s standing in front of him, completely unaware of what’s happening behind them. He doesn’t even realize he’s yelling, “Victor, get down!” He just moves, running purely on adrenaline, and pushes Victor to the ground, and jumps on top of him just as he hears a bullet flying past his ear with a loud ‘zing’. 

There’s a sharp, burning pain on his abdomen, but he brushes it off, attributing it to the force of impact when he fell down. He can’t think of anything else but the strong need to _protect_. Someone is here to kill Victor and he needs to kill them first. He yanks the slit of his dress higher so he can access the holster tied tightly around his upper thigh. He pulls out his gun and aims it but Michele is already gone. 

He moves, ignoring the flash of pain on his side and the screams from behind him. _He has to protect Victor._ He runs past the doors and turns left, spotting Michele’s retreating figure. 

He stands up straight, aims his gun, and exhales slowly, letting the sound of Victor’s voice flood him as the memory of Victor showing him how to shoot a moving target comes back to him. 

He fires. 

Michele’s body slumps down on the ground. 

He’s not dead yet though. Yuuri knows he shot Michele in the back of the knee, just as intended. He has to know if Michele has accomplices, and how they even found out where Yuuri is. 

But as Yuuri tries to walk forward, the sharp pain rushes through him again. He collapses on the floor, hand pressed against his abdomen. When he pulls his hand away, he sees blood. He looks down and sees the white pearls and beading on his dress are stained deep red. He’s been shot.

He’s gasping for air, chest feeling tight all of a sudden, and his lungs feel like they can’t take in any air. Victor is there, kneeling at his side, a look of horror on his face as he sees the blood on Yuuri’s dress.

Yuuri lies down on his back. He feels so exhausted and cold. He hears Victor’s voice pleading to him, “Yuuri! Please stay with me. Please don’t leave me,” and it’s ridiculous because Yuuri loves him and he’ll never want to leave. He’s just tired and he wants to rest. 

So when the coldness crawls up his body, and his vision begins to blur, Yuuri doesn’t fight it, just lets everything fade to black. 

_______________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the cliffhanger! I'll try to have the next chapter up as soon as possible :D
> 
> Poor Victor and Yuuri and their "unrequited" love for each other. :P
> 
> Here (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/449163762838300133/) is a photo of Yuuri's dress, which I think is how Yuuri's 'Eros' costume would look like had it been a dress. Get wrecked, Victor! 
> 
> As always, comments are welcome. I love hearing from you. I hope everyone stays safe during these wild times.


	7. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor has no answer to that because he really doesn’t know. His voice sounds small, uncertain, “Is it really impossible that he might feel the same?” 
> 
> “If he does, what makes you so sure it’s real? Think about it, Victor. Could you really be certain that Yuuri won’t think you’re the same as every other Alpha who’s tried to take advantage of him? If Yuuri thinks he has no other option but to do what you want or he might be tossed out into the streets, how would you feel about it then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Apologies for the delay but here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Chapter warning:
> 
> Graphic depiction of violence and torture. Also some Angst!

There’s a loud ringing in Victor’s ears. His heartbeat is so loud that he’s sure everyone else can hear it too. He’s still holding Yuuri, who’s now gone limp in his arms. He calls out, “Yuuri! Can you hear me? Yuuri!” He shakes Yuuri, taps his cheeks, yells his name -just _anything_ to get some reaction. “Hey, you have to stay awake, come on! Yuuri!” 

But Yuuri's eyes stay closed and his hand drops from where they were gripping the lapels of Victor’s suit. Victor feels a surge of anger, some deep-seated wrath that unfurls from inside him, dark, anguished, and vengeful. Footsteps are coming close to them and he snaps his head in the direction of the sound and screams a feral growl, “No! Stay away from him!” He pulls out his gun and points it in the direction of the sound, though he can’t see or think clearly enough to identify who it is.

“Victor, stop! You need to calm down so we can help Yuuri!” He doesn’t recognize the female voice and he doesn’t care anyway. Whoever they are, they want to harm Yuuri and Victor is not going to let them come near him. 

He feels a pinch on the side of his neck and, before he can fight it, everything fades to black. 

_________________________

Victor wakes to an empty bed and the smell of antiseptic in the air. He sits up and that’s when he realizes that both his arms are cuffed to the metal sides of a hospital bed. 

He looks around and spots Mila leaning against the wall, looking at him with a pensive expression. “Do you know where you are, Victor?”

Victor tugs at the cuffs again and says, “What the fuck is going on? Why am I here?” Then he remembers. Michele. Chris. _Yuuri_. “Where’s Yuuri? What am I doing here? Let me go _now!”_

“I can’t do that unless I know you calm down. Dr. Celestino had to tranquilize you last time and I won’t hesitate to do it again if you don’t relax.” She lifts the tranquilizer gun in her hand to reiterate her point. Then her expression turns somber, morose and for a second, Victor expects the worst. But then she says, “Yuuri’s in the operating room, Dr. Celestino is working on him right now.”

Victor lets out a sigh of relief and slumps back on the bed. He swallows the lump in his throat, “How is he doing?”

“Not great. The bullet didn’t go through completely and it shattered the top part of his left hip bone and he lost a lot of blood. But all his vital organs and arteries are intact, so that’s one good thing.” 

Victor has to close his eyes and clench his jaws to restrain himself. “What about Chris? Is he dead?”

“No, Michele shot him in the shoulder. The bullet went through cleanly and they were able to patch him up without any issue.” 

“Where’s Michele? Is he dead?”

“No. One of Celestino’s nurses patched him up and he’s detained in one of the rooms downstairs. Otabek has been down there interrogating him for the past 2 hours.”

There’s a strange calm that takes over Victor. “Let me go. I want to talk to him myself.”

Mila sighs and walks over, already pulling the keys to the cufflinks out of her pocket. “Yes, boss.” 

___________________________

It’s been a long time since Victor’s felt real pleasure in torturing someone. But the sound of Michele’s whimpers and the feel of blood dripping down his fingers has chills running down Victor’s spine. 

Otabek has already done some damage to Michele’s face, with a couple of teeth knocked out and his left eye swollen shut. But Otabek hasn’t had much success in making him talk, which is such a shame. Michele would not have known pain by Victor’s definition if he’d just started talking before Victor walked in. 

Now, Otabek is sitting in the back of the room, smoking a cigarette and looking at Victor and Michele with passive disinterest. There’s no hope for Michele now. 

Because Victor looks _feral_ , with his toothy grin and his eyes that are now a deep shade of red, overcome by rage and bloodlust. All of Michele’s fingernails are gone and 7 of his fingers are broken down to the knuckles. There are burn marks all over his legs and torso, and his left clavicle is broken, made obvious by the way his skin there is distended unnaturally. 

Victor’s broken him completely and he’s spilling everything out in garbled phrases, “It was JJ! He paid me money to do it!”

“Were you working for him this whole time?” When Michele doesn’t answer, Victor leans over and digs his fingers at the gap where Michele’s clavicle had split in half. 

Michele screams in pain, doubling over and crying out, “ _Fuck!!_ No! I swear, I wasn’t! I was working in Italy up until 4 months ago. My sister, Sara, she called me over the phone, frantic that someone was trying to kill her. She told me that she had to quit her job as a nurse because she tried to protect somebody,” he pauses to cough, spitting out blood all over the floor. “She said the name Yuuri Katsuki but she swore to me she was just trying to help. She didn’t want to be involved in anything, she’s not like that. But JJ was after her and she didn’t know where Katsuki was. So she asked me for help.”

“Why would she ask you for help? You’re all the way over here.”

“Because by that time, Chris and I were already together. I thought I could take advantage of his resources. I swear I didn’t know who you were though, all I knew was Chris was rich and he had a lot of resources here and internationally. But then, he invited me to Katsuki’s birthday and that’s when I realized he’s been hiding here the whole time. I reached out to JJ myself and I made a deal that if I killed Katsuki, he would leave my sister alone. I swear, I didn’t know he was your mate! I swear! I just wanted to save my sister! Please, you have to believe me!” 

There’s a rush of pleasure inside of Victor at hearing the word ‘mate’ so he doesn’t bother correcting Michele. Instead, he says, “Tell me how you were getting in touch with JJ.” 

“I don’t know! He was the one that always called and the number was hidden every time! I asked Sara to set up a meeting and that was how it started. He always called first so I don’t have a number.” 

Victor pulls out his gun from his holster and puts it against Michele’s chin. “If I find out you’re lying, I’m going to find your sister, bring her here, torture her in front of you until it makes you want to kill yourself. Do you understand?”

Michele cries out again and pleads, “Please, don’t hurt her. I swear I’m telling the truth! You can do what you want to me but please, leave her alone!” 

Victor stares at him for a few beats before turning away and walking back to Otabek. He takes the cloth Otabek hands to him and wipes the blood away from his hands. “Patch him up just enough so he doesn’t bleed to death and lock him up in one of the rooms. Tell Georgi I want the plane ready in half an hour.” 

“Where to, boss?”

“We’re going to Japan. It’s time to end this once and for all.” 

“Yes, boss.” 

As Victor leaves the room, he dials a number on his phone and after 3 rings, he says, “Hey, Hisashi, I’m heading to Japan, do you think you can meet me in a few hours?” 

______________________

“Boss, the plane is ready whenever you are.” 

Victor doesn’t bother looking at Otabek when he responds, “Okay, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” 

He’s standing outside of the room where Yuuri’s just been wheeled into. From this distance, Victor can already see how deathly pale Yuuri looks. It fills him with a manic kind of rage he’s never felt before. He will obliterate every single one of JJ’s men and burn his empire down to the ground until all that is left is cinder and ashes. 

Celestino says something to his nurse before stepping out of the room. He greets, “Victor, Otabek.” 

“How is he doing?”

Celestino shakes his head, “The surgery went fine but he’s not out of the weeds just yet. He’s lost a lot of blood and his blood pressure is low. We need to keep a close eye on him just to make sure his body doesn’t go into shock. We’ll do what we can but, I can’t say for sure that he’ll pull through. I’m sorry.” 

Victor is not going to take that for an answer. There has to be something they could do. “Do you think he’ll need to be transported to one of the hospitals in town?”

“ I don’t think that’s an option. His heart already stopped once during surgery, there is no way he’s going to survive the transport.”

“Do whatever you need, get whatever equipment you think will help you. I don’t care if you have to hire another 100 doctors and nurses, just do it. Whatever it takes, no expense spared. Do you understand?” 

There’s pity in Celestino’s eyes when he replies, “Yes, boss, I understand.” 

___________________________

Japan is not as cold as Russia this time of year. Victor leaves his coat in the car before he steps out into Hisashi Morooka’s estate. 

Hisashi is the leader of the largest Yakuza in Tokyo. He greets Victor with a kind smile, “Victor! Welcome to my home.” He shakes Victor’s hand and whispers, “Although I wish we were not seeing each other under such dark circumstances.” 

Victor smiles amiably and says, “Hisashi, it’s always a pleasure to see you, no matter the circumstance. I do apologize for the short notice but, it’s a matter that can’t wait too long.” 

Hisashi nods in understanding and leads Victor into his private office. They sit down on a beautiful and intricate _Chabudai_ , where a pot of steaming tea is already waiting for them. 

While Hisashi pours the tea, he says, “So, you have a problem you need dealing with?”

“Yes, I’m looking for Jean-Jacques Leroy. He goes by JJ and he’s a leader of a gang in Kyushu.” 

“Yes, I’ve heard of him. He’s recently caused some trouble in my territory but nothing we couldn’t handle. But I wonder,” he pushes a cup of tea toward Victor, “you haven’t been back in Japan for 10 years, Victor. What is the sudden interest?” 

“He tried to kill my mate so I want him destroyed.” There will most likely be consequences for how he’s lying to people that Yuuri is his mate without Yuuri’s consent but he will deal with that later. It’s the only way Hisashi will cooperate with him. After all, threatening an Alpha’s mate has severe consequences.

Hisashi’s eyebrows raise in shock, “You have a mate? Victor Nikiforov, the most violent mob boss in all of Russia’s history has found himself a _Japanese_ mate? Since when?”

Victor doesn’t answer the question. Instead, he asks, “Will you help me or not?” 

Hisashi smiles knowingly, “Of course, I’ll help you. Anything you need, just let me know. But my condition is that you introduce me to your _mate_ once all this is over. What do you say?”

Victor’s eyes narrow in suspicion when he asks, “Why? What do you want from him?” 

Hisashi laughs and puts both hands up in a placating gesture, “Nothing! I just want to see the person that’s managed to seduce you into mating with them, that’s all. Just curiosity, my friend.” 

Victor wants to say that Yuuri didn’t need to seduce him. Victor would have willingly thrown himself at Yuuri’s feet, taken down empires, killed hundreds of people if that’s what it took to please him. Victor is not ashamed to admit that that is the kind of power Yuuri holds over him. “I promise you, as soon as we are able, we will fly you out to Russia for a proper introduction, _da?”_

Hisashi nods in agreement and their conversation turns to planning their attack. 

That evening ends in heavy bloodshed. Bullets rain through JJ’s compound as Victor, Hisashi, and his men forced their way through, shooting at everyone in their path. Victor leads them with the pace of a predator on a hunt for its chosen kill. His pace is quick and steady, not even pausing as he reloads his gun in one smooth move. 

When he is finally face-to-face with JJ, Victor does pause to think of what Yuuri might say seeing him like this, like a machine with a sole purpose to extinguish everything in its path. But then he remembers that Yuuri is halfway around the world, half-alive, half-gone, and it only makes Victor more furious. JJ doesn’t deserve to live while Yuuri is the one fighting for his life. 

He grabs JJ by the collar of his shirt and bares down his fists with a growl, pummelling JJ’s face like a punching bag, satisfaction filling him at the sickening sound of bone-crushing underneath his fists. JJ tries to escape his assault, swinging his body to try to dislodge Victor off but he is getting weaker by each of Victor’s punches and soon, his movements slow down and all he can do is whimper and groan from the pain. Only then does Victor stand up, his lips turning down in disgust at the sight of JJ’s pitiful form, slumped over and crying, still pleading for his life. Victor takes out Yuuri’s gun from his holster, pushing it against JJ’s bloodied forehead. When he pulls the trigger, it’s to the image of Yuuri and how beautiful it would have been for him to be the one pulling the trigger in Victor’s stead.

Later, when Victor collapses on one of the plush seats of his private jet, he thinks, _It’s finally over. Yuuri is finally safe._ Such a thorn on his side it’s been, constantly wondering when JJ was going to strike next. But enough is enough, and Victor’s eliminated the problem at the root. The only thing left is for Yuuri to fully recover and things will be the way it should be. 

___________________

  
  


There is not a single moment in the hard life Victor’s lived that can be worse than this. No amount of desperation, fear, and anger he’s felt before can compare to what he feels now. 

Celestino finally stabilized Yuuri after a grueling 56 hours post-surgery where Yuuri’s heart stopped beating twice, and his body just could not recover from the blood loss. It was touch and go and Victor was certain that, if Yuuri didn’t make it, his own heart would have just given up too. Losing Yuuri wouldn’t be something he’d get over. His Alpha has already chosen Yuuri as his mate, his perfect match, his other half. Yuuri’s death may as well be his own. 

But Yuuri pulled through. He still hasn’t woken up since the night of the shooting but Dr. Celestino is positive he’ll come around once he’s weaned off the drugs. His body just needs time to heal on its own. 

So here Victor is, at the same spot where he’s kept vigil next to Yuuri’s bed waiting for any signs of movement. Just anything to assure him that his love is still here, that Yuuri will come back to him. 

Phichit Chulanont, one of Celestino’s nurses, enters the room to change the I.V bags. He gives Victor a reassuring smile, and if the pity in his eyes has only gotten more obvious at sight of Victor’s disheveled look and the way he’s remained unmoved in the small plastic hospital chair, Victor doesn’t acknowledge it.

“His vitals are looking good today, sir,” Phichit says with a smile as he finishes jotting notes down his tablet. “He’s stable enough that Dr. Celestino has decided to pull him from the induced coma tomorrow. He should be awake within 24-48 hours after that.” 

Victor gives him a tired smile and says, “Thank you, Phichit.”

As soon as Phichit leaves the room, Victor leans back on his seat and rubs a hand over his tired eyes. He feels absolutely drained, physically and emotionally. He looks back at Yuuri and his still form on the bed. His face is still pale, none of the healthy blush he always had on his cheeks visible. He has a ventilator over his mouth and wires are coming from every which way off his body to a patient monitor next to his bed. The beeps from the monitor and the slow hissing of the ventilator are the only clues Victor has that Yuuri’s still alive and he clings to the sliver of hope it gives him.

He tries to get comfortable on the small plastic chair he’s sitting on and prepares for another long night of waiting. 

The next morning, he is woken up by Yuri walking into the room, Otabek following closely behind him. Yuri has been coming by every 2 days to replace the flowers by Yuuri’s bedside and get updates on his condition. He takes one look at Victor and says, “You look like shit.”

“Thanks, I feel like shit.” 

“Why don’t you go and sleep on a bed for once?” Yuri wrinkles his nose when gets close enough to Victor, “And go take a shower for fuck’s sake.”

When Victor makes no move to get up from the chair, or even acts like he’s paying Yuri any attention, Yuri and Otabek grab him by his arms and toss him out of the room, locking the door before Victor can try to push his way back in. 

He bangs his fist on the door and yells, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Open the door!” 

“No! What the fuck do you think _you’re_ doing? You look like you’re 2 seconds away from passing out! I’m not going to come by in the morning to see your dead body on the floor. You don’t want Yuuri waking up to the smell of death, do you? Go take a shower and get some sleep, we can keep an eye out on him for a while.” 

Victor and Yuri stare at each other through the glass panel of the door, neither one backing down. Eventually, Victor gives up and begrudgingly heads back to his room. He takes a shower and he’s already asleep before his head even hits the pillow. 

He’s back in Yuuri’s room after 2 hours.

Yuri lets him in without argument and Victor is surprised, but thankful, to see that there’s now a small fridge installed on the corner with a microwave on top of it, and a loveseat placed next to Yuuri’s bed, which looks more comfortable than the plastic foldable chair he was using. 

Victor says, sincerely, “Thank you, Yurio,”

Yuri looks away, muttering, “That’s not my name. And don’t worry about it. I just don’t want you to die before Yuuri even wakes up.” He walks to the door but, just as he’s about to open it, he turns back to Victor and asks, “What is he to you, Victor?”

Just a few months ago, Victor would have vehemently denied feeling anything more than a familial 

Now though, looking down at Yuuri’s pale face, Victor doesn’t bother lying. “Everything. He’s everything to me.”

Yuri says, “Good. Tell him that when he wakes up.”

He doesn’t hear Victor’s soft, “I will,” as he leaves the room. 

Just an hour later, Victor’s phone rings. He grimaces when he sees Yakov’s name flashing across the screen. 

He tries to speak with a light tone, “Hello, Yakov. Nice to hear from you.”

But Yakov’s voice betrays his purpose, the one that Victor has been dreading. “I heard you were in Japan just recently.”

“Yes, I just got back two days ago.” 

“Did you tie up all your loose ends?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Victor, Hisashi told me something when we spoke yesterday. If it’s true, then you are no longer the boy I raised.” 

“Yakov, it’s not what it looks like. I can explain...”

“So it is true? What were you thinking? How could you do something so stupid?” 

“It’s not true!” He sighs, “Yuuri isn’t my mate. I-I lied. I said that because I knew it would make Hisashi more inclined to help me.”  
  


“You and I both know Hisashi owes you a large favor for taking out his father. You didn’t need a pressing reason for him to help you. Try again.” 

“I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking clearly. But I swear to you, it’s not true. Yuuri isn’t my mate.” 

“But do you want him to be?” 

His hesitant pause is enough for Yakov to start yelling, “That is what you want, isn’t it? Does Yuuri know? Did you tell him all of this? Jesus, Victor, how can you be this careless? I’ve never known you to be so impulsive.” 

When Victor says nothing, Yakov asks again but this time, there’s uncertainty in his voice. “Where is Yuuri now?” 

So Victor tells him about Michele, Sara, the night of the shooting, and Yuuri’s current condition. 

“ _Gospodi_ , what have I done?” 

“It’s not your fault, Yakov. It’s mine. I’m sorry, I thought it was enough for Yuuri to live here but, I didn’t realize JJ’s resources could reach this far.” 

“You have never been one to underestimate anyone, Victor, not even small-time gang leaders like JJ. So what happened? What went wrong? I think you got too close this time. It made you reckless and it almost cost Yuuri his life. Was it because he’s an omega that you became too stupefied not to stop yourself before things got out of control?” 

“It’s not like that! I,” _love him._

“What? Are you going to say this is different? Victor, do you even understand what you’re saying? Yuuri is _only 18_ for fuck’s sake. Do you really think something can come from this? How are you so sure that he feels the same for you anyway?”

Victor has no answer to that because he doesn’t know. His voice sounds small, uncertain, “Is it so impossible that he might feel the same?” 

“If he does, what makes you so sure it’s real? Think about it, Victor. Could you really be certain that Yuuri won’t think you’re the same as every other Alpha who’s tried to take advantage of him? If Yuuri thinks he has no other option but to do what you want or he might be tossed out into the streets, how would you feel about it then?”

“I would never do anything like that to him, what are you implying?” 

“Nothing. I’m just asking you: Do you think you can live with yourself if you find out that’s the true nature of Yuuri’s feelings for you? What if the extent of his affection is only until he can find a way to escape? What would you do then?” 

Yakov’s tone is chiding, but pitying at the same time, “Victor, you and I both know Yuuri is not meant for the kind of life you’re living. It isn’t going to work out. Besides, do you think that just because JJ is dead that he will be safe? You will only put him in more danger as soon as other people get wind that you have a mate. They will only try to use him as a way to get to you. Put the whole thing behind you and let Yuuri go. He deserves to live a life where he’s safe, where he can be free. It’s what’s best for him. Do you understand?” 

Victor blinks the tears away from his eyes. He hates it but Yakov is right. It’s been in the back of his mind this whole time. “Yeah, I understand.” 

By the time the call ends, he’s already made up his mind. He walks up to Yuuri’s bed and kisses his forehead. “I love you. I’m sorry, Yuuri.” 

______________________________

The first thing Yuuri becomes aware of is pain. His body feels like it’s on fire. He groans opens his eyes but everything is a blur. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s screaming until there’s a figure in front of him. Strong, familiar hands reach out to hold his own in a firm grasp. Then he hears Victor’s voice calling out to him. 

He blinks his eyes a few times and his gaze finally focuses on silver hair and piercing blue eyes. 

He tries to speak but his throat is so dry that he ends up coughing violently. There’s a gentle hand running up and down on his back and another one cupping the right side of his face. 

Victor tells him, “Shhhh, Yuuri, it’s okay. Breathe in and out, come on,” and he sounds closer now as if he is speaking directly into Yuuri's ear, “Come on, _kotenok,_ breathe with me.”

Yuuri focuses on the sound of Victor’s inhale and exhale, mimicking it until he feels his body calming down and he can finally breathe. The hand on his face pulls away and there’s a straw being pushed gently against his lips. Victor coaxes him, saying, “Drink, but try and do it slowly.”

He drinks small, steady gulps until the burning in his throat eases. He leans back on his pillow and finally looks around where he is. 

It’s a hospital room for sure. The walls are painted white, 2 machines are beeping softly next to his bed and there is an IV stand on the other. He looks down at his arms and sees where the IV is connected on his left wrist, and when he touches his chest, he feels the prongs where the machines must be connected. 

The memories come flooding back to him and he jolts up, “Victor-!” He’s reaching out and Victor is there, warm and solid and _alive._ He repeats, “Victor,” and runs his hands up the expanse of Victor’s chest, to his shoulders and sighing in relief when he finds no signs of damage. He wipes at Victor’s cheeks which are now wet with tears. “Are you okay?”

Victor laughs and nods. His voice is shaky when he says, “Yes, I-I’m fine.” He pulls Yuuri’s hands away but keeps them wrapped around his own. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at Yuuri like he’s trying to memorize every detail on his face. 

A man walks into the room; he’s short, dark-skinned, and he’s got a sweet smile on his face. “Hello, Yuuri! I came as soon as I heard the buzz,” he points to the remote on the side of Yuuri’s bed that Victor must have pressed as soon as Yuuri woke up. Victor moves away to let Phichit check Yuuri over. “I’m Phichit Chulanont and I’ve been your nurse since you got out of surgery. Glad to see you awake. I’m going to check you over, is that okay?” 

At Yuuri’s nod, Phichit runs a light over his eyes, lifts up his hospital gown to check on the bandaged wound on his abdomen, and checks the fluid levels on his IV bag. He records the output of the patient monitor and, once he seems satisfied, he moves back and says, “Everything looks good. We took you off the ventilator yesterday so you might feel like you can’t take a deep breath yet, but that’s normal. We reduced the amount of morphine since yesterday but if it hurts too much, I can come back and give you more. Expect to feel groggy most of today and tomorrow. Some of your memories are also going to seem fuzzy but that’s normal. They will come back naturally but you might experience some headaches until then, okay?”

He then turns to Victor and says, “His stitches are still not healed so keep checking to make sure they’re not pulled. If you see any sign of blood through the bandage, let me know immediately. Do you understand?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

Phichit turns to Yuuri, “I’ll be back in a bit to change your IV bags and your bandages. Just take it easy until then, okay?” 

Yuuri nods and whispers a soft, “Thank you,” and gives Phichit a grateful smile as he leaves. He glances at Victor, who’s moved back beside him, holding his hands again. “What happened?”

Victor sits next to him on the bed. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Yuuri’s brows furrow as he tries to recall everything. “I remember the party, then Michele was there -oh my god, Chris! Is he dead?”

Victor shakes his head and explains, “No, he was only shot in the shoulder. I guess maybe Michele did like him enough not to kill him. He’s recovering in the room next to you. He should be fine, just a little bit of physical therapy and he’ll be back to normal.”

Yuuri sags in relief. “Thank goodness, I thought for sure he was dead. What happened to Michele?”

“We interrogated him. Turns out JJ found out his sister tried to help you escape back at the hospital in Japan and threatened to kill her unless they found you. She then reached out to him for help. He and Chris were already together by then but he didn’t know of Chris’ involvement with the Bratva, just that he was wealthy and had a lot of resources here and overseas so Michele thought he could help somehow. He didn’t even know you were here until Chris invited him to your birthday party. After he found out that you’ve been here this whole time, he made a deal with JJ that he’d kill you to save his sister.”

“Is he still alive?” 

“Regrettably, yes,” there’s something dark in Victor’s eyes when he adds, “But not for long.” 

Yuuri feels conflicted. Michele didn’t mean to hurt him, he only wanted to protect his sister. He did something Yuuri would have done had their positions been switched. “Don’t kill him, please. Just let him go.” 

Victor presses his lips into a tight line. “I can’t do that, Yuuri.”

“Why not? He probably wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t for me. His sister had been kind to me; she tried to help me without even knowing who I was.”

“But he hurt you! He almost killed you! How can you expect me to let him live?”

“There’s already too many deaths because of me!” His grasp on Victor’s hand tightens and he whispers, “I’ve already caused too much trouble. _Please_ , Victor. Please, no more. Just let him go.” 

After a brief pause, Victor sighs in resignation. He pulls Yuuri into a tight hug and says, “Okay, if that’s what you want. I’ll let him go as soon as he’s well enough to leave, alright?” 

Against Victor’s chest, Yuuri nods and says, “Thank you, Victor. Thank you.” 

After a beat of silence, he asks, “So what happens now?”

“The prognosis is good. The bullet didn’t hit any of your organs or any vital arteries but it might be another month before you can move around without pain. You’ll need to undergo physical therapy to build your strength back up.” 

He pulls away from their embrace, just enough so he can look at Yuuri in the eyes. With a smile, he says, “After that, anything you wish. JJ and his group have been taken care of. As of 2 days ago, you are a free man, Yuuri Katsuki.”

He stands up and moves off the bed, ignoring Yuuri’s questioning call of his name. “Let me call Phichit to replace your bandages. I’m sure Yurio would want to know you’re awake too.” He leaves without looking back. It’s easier this way.

______________________________

Yuuri’s brows are furrowed in confusion at Victor’s behavior. _What the hell was that?_ Why did Victor look disappointed, almost sad, just then? His thoughts are interrupted when Yuri walks into his room. Before he can say anything, Yuri runs up and pulls him into a hug. “Thank god, I thought you’d never wake up. You scared the shit out of everyone here.” 

When they pull apart, Yuri asks, “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve just been through hell and back. How about you?”

“That was a stupid thing to ask, sorry. I’m fine though, just really glad to have you back.” 

Yuuri gives Yuri a genuine smile. He’s missed his friend. “Yeah, I’m glad to be back.” 

Yuri catches him up on everything that’s happened starting from the night of the shooting. “You should have seen Victor the night you got shot. He was like a wild animal! No, like a wild _rabid_ animal. His eyes were red, he was growling, and we could all smell his pheromones, it was terrifying! Celestino had to tranquilize him just so we could help you. He wouldn’t let anyone touch you.” 

Yuuri swallows the lump that’s begun to form in his throat. Hearing of this only makes him more confused. “What happened after that?”

“He found out who was trying to kill you. Some small-time gang leader named JJ. He was the one who tried to sell you at an auction back in Japan, right?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well, he’s dead. Good riddance, that fucking bastard.” When Yuuri doesn’t respond, Yuri asks, “What’s the matter, Yuuri? Aren’t you happy now that he’s dead? This means you’re free! You can even go back to Japan if that’s what you want.” 

“Is that,” he looks down on the ground, unable to look Yuri in the eyes when he asks, “Is that what Victor wanted this whole time? He was just waiting so I could leave?” 

Yuri looks confused, “What? What are you talking about?” 

“He said the same thing to me earlier, too. He said I’m finally a free man and I could do whatever I wanted. What does he mean by that? Does he want me to go back to Japan? Is that what you want too, Yuri?” 

“No, of course not! What the hell are you talking about? No one wants you to go back to Japan, Yuuri. Victor least of all.” Yuri scratches his head in frustration. “Look, I’ve already told Victor to just talk to you but I guess he hasn’t done that yet and I’m not going to try and do it for him because that’s between the two of you. But trust me, Victor wants you to stay here. I mean, you should have seen how worried he was for you, Yuuri. He never left your side as soon as he got back from Japan.” 

Yuuri shakes his head disbelievingly. “Victor would have done the same for you or any of his men.” 

Yuri snorts in disagreement. “No, Yuuri, you’re wrong. In the time I’ve been here, I have never seen Victor get so emotional as he does with you, and that’s saying something because I’ve seen him at his father’s funeral.” 

“What?”

Yuri sighs as if whatever point he’s trying to make is already obvious. “A year after I started living here, Victor’s father was murdered. Someone shot at his vehicle on his way back to the estate. Victor never cried, not even during the funeral. And it wasn’t like his relationship with his father was bad; it was pretty good from what I can remember. He also planned out his revenge carefully over the next 2 months before he did anything. But with you, it’s like he can’t control himself. You know, he flew to Japan the very next day after you were shot. He didn’t even wait; he didn’t even bother planning anything out. He called in every single favor he had, reached out to all his resources just so he could get it done as soon as possible. He’s like a man possessed and he wouldn’t stop until he killed everyone. If that doesn’t tell you how much he cares about you, then I don’t know what will.” 

Yuuri can’t help the bitterness in his voice, “Then why didn’t he say anything? Why did he sound like he wanted me to leave?” 

“Because Victor is probably blaming himself for what happened to you. I know that sounds ridiculous -and it is- but that is just how Victor is. He probably believes that there’s no way you would ever feel the same about him.” Yuri watches him with a careful expression. “But, you do, right?”

Yuuri can’t help the broken sound that comes out of him. “Of course, I do. I _love_ him, Yuri. How could I not?” 

Yuri puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and says, “It’s going to be okay. I’m sure things will work out. Just give it time, okay? Victor can be very stubborn sometimes.” 

Unbeknownst to the two of them, Victor is standing outside the door, frozen in place after hearing Yuuri’s quiet confession. He wants badly to run inside, tell Yuuri that he feels the same, that he’s already chosen Yuuri as his mate and doesn’t want to even _think_ of a life without him. 

But he doesn’t. He balls his hands into tight fists and he runs back to his office. Away from Yuuri, away from the only person to have ever made him feel worthy of anything. Because he isn’t a good man, and Yakov was right to tell him to let go. 

______________________

After 4 weeks of bed rest, Dr. Celestino says that Yuuri is finally well enough to start physical therapy. He meets with Phichit at the underground gym and they start his first session with light stretches. It’s slow and tedious and Yuuri thinks he can do something more complicated than this. That is until he tries to stand once their session is over and nearly falls face-first as his legs give out. 

Phichit catches him just in time. His tone is kind when he says, “You are weaker than you think but it’s not something to feel bad about. No movement for a whole month will do that to you, it’s perfectly normal. But this is why we need to take it slow, otherwise, you might sprain something.” 

Yuri is there to show his support too. He doesn’t interfere though, just sits patiently on the side until they are done. He knows it will only hurt Yuuri’s pride if he offers to help. When Phichit leaves, he asks, “Do you think you can walk? I can push you on your wheelchair if you don’t have the energy.” 

Yuuri doesn’t bother arguing because he knows if he tries to walk, they probably won’t make it to dinner until tomorrow. “Wheelchair, please.” 

As he helps Yuuri into the wheelchair, Yuri says, “You know it’s okay, right? It’s normal for you to have difficulties doing what you used to do. You’ll be back in top shape before you know it.” 

Yuuri huffs, “Yeah, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.” 

Yuri rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Stubborn.” 

Victor is nowhere to be seen and Yuuri can’t help the disappointment and sadness he feels from it. He tries to ask Yuri over dinner but all he says is, “He’s busy right now.” 

Yuuri knows it’s a lie but he doesn’t say it. He hasn’t even seen Victor once since the day he woke up from surgery. It’s painful to think about why he wouldn’t come back to see how Yuuri’s doing, especially if what Yuri said was true. If Victor never left his side while he was unconscious, why would he avoid Yuuri now? 

He takes comfort in the fact that, in the least, Victor hasn’t asked him to leave just yet and he’ll cling to that for as long as he can. 

_____________________________

Yuuri steps off the treadmill, quickly walking to the closest bench before his legs give out. He only ran 2 miles but his legs are already shaking badly and he feels like he can barely breathe. He groans in frustration and pours cold water from his water bottle on his face to calm him down. Almost 2 months and his body is still so weak. It will take time and he knows if he tries to rush his recovery, it will only do more damage. 

He glances over the other end of the room where Phichit is helping Chris with his physical therapy. 

Chris came to see him 4 days after he woke up from surgery. He had a haunted expression on his face and he also lost a lot of weight, evident by the gauntness in his cheeks. He apologized profusely and said that if there was anyone to blame, it was him, not Victor. But Yuuri firmly told him that there were already too many people shouldering burdens that are not meant for them and Chris should not try and be one of those people. If there was anyone to blame, it would just be JJ and his greed for power and revenge. 

The haunted look on Chris’ face is less by each day, perhaps because of the guilt that was lifted from him by Yuuri’s forgiveness. But Yuuri thinks it’s more to do with his blooming relationship with Phichit. Yuuri has seen it every day for the past month since Chris joined in on their sessions. He’s happy for them. Phichit is sweet, smart, and has got the free spirit similar to Chris’ own. But he’s also patient and kind, which is what Chris needs right now after the traumatic end of his last relationship. Yuuri’s sure they will do well together. 

He smiles at them as they walk towards him, arms around each other. Phichit says, “Yuuri, I’ll just escort Chris back to his room and we can start on your cooldown stretches, okay?” 

Yuuri waves them off with a knowing smile, “Go on, don’t worry about me. I don’t think I can move for a while anyway. Take your time.” 

Just as they walk out the door, Victor walks in, giving them a nod as they pass each other. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Yuuri sitting on one of the benches. He says an awkward, “Hello,” 

But the way Yuuri smiles is warm and sweet and it makes Victor regret avoiding him all this time. He sits next to Yuuri and he can’t help the way his heart beats faster when Yuuri shuffles closer to him. 

Yuuri whispers, almost conspiratorially, “It seems Chris is healing fine, hm?”

Victor nods, “Yeah, I think so too.” His chest tightens in the way Yuuri keeps smiling softly at him, and how Yuuri’s looking at him with those wide, amber eyes so full of trust and affection, even after all this time. He feels his resolve crumbling and he has to look away, otherwise, he thinks Yuuri will see right through him. “Listen, Yuuri. We need to talk.”

Yuuri’s smile falls, and he looks away from Victor, fixing his gaze on the floor. He says, sadly, “I know.” He stands up and walks away. He heads to the other end of the room and grabs a foam roller. Without looking back, he says, “Phichit will be back soon. Maybe I’ll meet you in your office in a couple of hours?”

“Okay.”

Victor waits for Yuuri in his office, looking like a man about to go to his execution. He’s probably carved a path on the expensive rug on his floor with the way he paces back and forth, mulling over what he’s going to say.

There’s a knock on his door and he exhales, leaning back on his desk, trying to look casual and composed before Yuuri can come in. 

“Come in, Yuuri.”

Yuuri opens the door and leans against it, watching Victor briefly with a soft smile. His expression is friendly, cordial, but looks a little forced. “I was wondering when you were going to show up.” 

Victor winces and says, “I’m sorry for disappearing on you. I figured it would be best to leave you alone. Yurio’s already yelled at me for being too overbearing.” _Lie._

Victor’s grateful that Yuuri’s laugh is genuine, at least. “I don’t think I would ever mind if it was you, Victor.” He walks up to Victor, his expression now a little sad. “Why didn’t you come to see me?” _Ah, there it is,_ Victor thinks. 

Yuuri’s eyes are searching when he looks up at Victor. “Yuri told me you never left my side when I was unconscious. Why did you leave so suddenly?” He moves closer until their faces are only inches apart, “Why couldn’t you just tell me?” 

  
  


Every fiber in Victor’s being is screaming at him when he grabs Yuuri’s hand. “Yuuri, wait.” He pushes Yuuri away so that there’s distance between them. “I think there must be a misunderstanding between us.” 

Yuuri’s expression closes into something neutral and Victor hates being on the receiving end of that mask. “Is that so?” 

“I think my actions may have led you to believe that I’m interested in… something more.” 

“And you’re not?” 

“Well, I don’t think that’s really what you want anyway so-”

Yuuri looks like he’s beginning to feel upset. “I’m not talking about what I want. I’m asking if you’re not interested in anything more.” 

Victor has to look away because he _can’t._ “No, I’m not.” _Another lie._

Yuuri closes the gap between them again and forces Victor to look at him with a pressing hand on his cheek. “You are a terrible liar, Victor.” 

But Victor pulls away again and this time, he moves around so that the desk is between them. “Yuuri, what I want doesn’t matter. We both know this is not going to work out, pretty soon you’ll realize that this isn’t what you want.” 

Yuuri groans in frustration, “Why do you keep assuming to know what I want? So you’re just going to make this selfish decision on your own without even trying? Is it because that’s what will make you feel better about yourself?” 

“Yuuri, don’t do this. It’s not easy for me to tell you this or to make this decision by myself. W-what are you doing?”

Yuuri moves around the table quickly, closing the gap between them and pushing Victor against the table with enough force that Victor has to put his hands back to steady himself. Then Yuuri leans forward and kisses him and his lips are softer and sweeter than Victor could have ever imagined. He can’t help the desperate noise that comes out of him and the way he kisses back, fervent and frenzied.

Yuuri pushes him further against the table and clambers onto his lap, wrapping slender arms around his neck and pressing strong thighs against his waist. 

“Victor,” Yuuri whispers as they break off for air. He presses kisses along Victor’s jaw, making Victor’s eyes roll back in pleasure, “Please tell me you want this, please.” He grabs Victor’s hands and pushes them under his shirt, guiding them up the sides of his body and his chest. “Please, Victor.”

“Yuuri, no, stop. Don’t - _wait_!” He grabs Yuuri’s hands where they have wandered down to tug on the belt of his suit pants. “Stop this. Please, just stop.”

Yuuri moves off his lap and plops next to him instead. He cries out, “What do you want me to do?? How can I make you understand that I know what I want, that I know what I’m doing?” 

Victor has to breathe out several times to calm himself. _God, he wants. He wants nothing more than to pull Yuuri back into his lap and kiss him, make love to him right here on this damned table._

“You don’t even know what it’s like to be a free man, Yuuri,” He presses this thumb and index finger against his eyelids, and continues, “You deserve to live a normal life out there, like everyone else. Not here, where your life might always be in danger. I also don’t want you to choose me just because you got attached to me under these circumstances. I will never forgive myself for taking advantage of you like that.”

Yuuri turns to him, confusion painting his features, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Victor smiles wryly.“I mean, had our lives been different but we still had a chance to meet, would you have even considered being with me? Knowing what I am?”

Yuuri doesn’t even hesitate when he answers, “Yes, of course, I will.”

But Victor shakes his head in disagreement. “You don’t know that. You. I can’t- I don’t want to keep you in the life I’m living, Yuuri. I mean look at you, you nearly died twice _._ No, you _did die_. Your heart stopped 3 times before and after surgery. It’s selfish of me to want to keep you by my side when the only thing I’m doing is putting you in danger and it isn’t going to get better the longer you’re here.”

Yuuri whispers bitterly, “But what about what I want?” He looks up at Victor, eyes alight with anger and frustration, “What about _my_ choice? What if I _want_ to stay here with you?”

“That’s the thing, Yuuri, I don’t know if you’re even thinking clearly. I think you’ve gotten attached to me because I’ve been kind to you but that doesn’t mean what you’re feeling is… genuine.” 

Yuuri looks at him in disbelief, “Are you even listening to what you’re saying? Are you implying that I’m suffering from Stockholm syndrome or something?”

“Yes, exactly! I-”

“You do know that Stockholm syndrome is when a victim develops feelings for their captor, right? Last time I checked, you didn’t kidnap me and force me to live with you.”

“Well no, but I think we both knew that when you got here, you couldn’t leave the estate, right? You were afraid that you weren’t safe when you left this house and I never bothered telling you otherwise. Not because I wanted to keep you here but because I didn’t know either. At the time, I didn’t know the extent of JJ’s influence and I wanted to protect you, even if I failed in the end anyway. But my point is, maybe my kindness led you to believe that you feel something for me because that’s better than thinking I’d toss you out into the street -which I wouldn’t!- but I just need you to think if this is really what you want.” He pauses to take a breath. _He needs to say it. There’s no point in trying to prolong this. “_ And for that to happen, it might be best if you leave… for a while.”

Yuuri laughs but there is no humor in it. “So you _are_ kicking me out?”

“No! I wouldn’t think of it!” He sighs in frustration and pulls a set of keys from his pocket and says, “I have a house right in front of Laskoviy beach, maybe you can stay there until you finish your studies. Yurio can even come and stay with you. Give yourself some time to think about what you want. You can even go back to Japan if that is what you would prefer.” Victor hopes that Yuuri will choose to stay in Russia, at least where Victor might have a chance to see him, but he has to let Yuuri decide on his own.

Yuuri takes the keys and says, sullenly, “There isn’t anything I can do to make you believe me, huh?” He pockets the keys and says, “Not even if I make the first move?”

Victor shakes his head and smiles sadly, “No, I’ll just tell myself I forced you.”

Yuuri hates the thought that Victor is punishing himself for something Yuuri willingly will give him. “Fine, if that’s what you want. But,” He cups Victor’s cheek and smiles softly as Victor leans into the touch, “Promise me this: when I come back, and I still want you, promise me you won’t find another excuse to stop me. Promise me that you’ll stop believing whatever it is that your head tells you and you’ll give us a chance. Promise me that, please?”

Victor takes Yuuri’s hand and kisses his palm, “ _Zolotse_ , I promise you as soon as you come back to me, I will court you the way you deserve.”

Yuuri leans to kiss his lips, so tender and sweet, and Victor misses it as soon as he pulls away. “Then wait for me, Victor. I promise you I’ll come back.” 

When Yuuri leaves, Victor allows himself to cry. He drags his hand across the table, sending all the items on top of it clattering onto the floor. Yuuri is leaving and he’s not going to come back as soon as he figures out he’s better off without Victor.

_________________________

They decide that Yuuri is going to move to St. Petersburg. Yuri agrees to come and live with him and Victor is thankful that at least someone can keep Yuuri safe. They pack their bags and leave 2 days later.

Victor doesn’t see them out the door. It’s too painful. He looks down the window of his office and watches Georgi packing all their bags into the SUV. Mila, Chris, Otabek, and Phichit are all there to say their goodbyes. 

He sees Yuuri looking around as if he’s looking for Victor. But Chris says something and Yuuri stops- 

-and gazes up to the window of Victor’s office, as if he knows Victor is standing right on the other side. 

Yuuri _beams_ and waves in his direction. Victor wants to run down to him, take back everything he’s ever said and beg Yuuri to stay. 

He doesn’t. 

Later, Chris comes up to his office and says, “I told him to keep in touch otherwise, you might go crazy. He promised to send you letters.” 

Victor laughs because it’s just like Yuuri to be so personal to write him letters, even though he has a perfectly functional phone to reach Victor with. “I’ll be glad to read them.”

Chris shakes his head and says, “You are a fool to let him go, Victor Nikiforov. An absolute fool.”

Victor doesn’t argue. 

One day passes, then two, then a week. He gets a letter from Yuuri. It includes a photo of him and Yuri eating ice cream at the beach.

He looks happy. 

Happy with Yuri. 

Happy without Victor. 

Happy and _free_. 

Victor frames the photo and keeps it in his office. Chris sees it as soon as he walks in and says, “Why are you doing this to yourself, Victor?”

“Because I deserve it.” 

“You are a fool.”

“I know.” 

Yuri comes to visit 2 weeks after that. He hands Victor a box full of letters in Yuuri’s handwriting and explains, “He gets anxious that the letters are not good enough so he never sends them.” He drops it on the table and says, “You know, he gets nightmares sometimes and I hear him calling out for you. Why are you doing this to him?”

“Because he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a free man and he deserves that. It’s safer for him not to be with me anyway.” 

“Do you really think you can keep him safe like this? Do you believe he’s safer out there than he is here with you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then you are a fool, Victor.”

Yuri isn’t the first to say it so Victor just nods and says, “I know.” 

He reads all the letters in one night and by the time he’s done, he hates himself a lot more.

2 months later, he gets a letter in the mail. 

Yuuri’s taken a job offer in Moscow, he’s moving out of Victor’s house in 2 weeks. 

Victor thought he had more time. 

He writes back that he’s proud because of course, he is. He wishes Yuuri luck and says he’s glad Yuuri’s found a job he liked and also paid well, but he isn’t. He wants Yuuri back in his house, greeting him with that beautiful smile, and spending evenings with him talking about poetry, philosophy and each other’s fears. Victor would have confessed that he’s afraid he’s lost his chance. He’s afraid he’s lost Yuuri sooner than he was ready for. 

Yuri moves back to the estate because he wouldn’t be parted from Otabek that far away. An hour drive into town isn’t a big deal but almost 9 hours is too far away for them. 

Victor watches the way Otabek welcomes Yuri back, open arms and a warm embrace. He feels sick to his stomach. 

Yuuri doesn’t call, doesn’t text. Occasionally Victor will get a letter in the mail and he wonders if it’s the one Yuuri deemed to be good enough to give him or if it’s because it’s the one time Yuuri actually remembered to write to him. 

He doesn’t want to know the answer. 

Things go back to how it was before Yuuri. Or at least, Victor tries. Because there is nothing that can fill the gap that Yuuri left behind. 

Victor can’t go to the gym without thinking of their sparring sessions. He can’t go to the shooting range without remembering how beautiful Yuuri looked, his brows furrowed in concentration and his body taut with focus. He can’t go to the library without remembering their late evening talks, the sound of Yuuri’s laugh and his eyes wide, absolutely captivated with Victor’s stories. He can’t even go into his office without remembering the way Yuuri looked as he played the piano or Yuuri curled up on his couch, content being by Victor’s side as he read whatever book caught his attention. 

Victor wants to die. There is nothing worse than finding someone who feels like they were made exactly for you just to feel them slip through your fingers. 7 billion people in the world and he found Yuuri and then let him go. His Alpha is grieving; it's mournful, tortured, _tormented_ from the loss of a soulmate who just wasn't meant to be. At least not in this life. Victor wonders if perhaps, in the next one, things would turn out differently and he and Yuuri can finally be together without fear or worry. 

3 weeks before his birthday, Victor feels more anxious. He wonders if Yuuri would at least remember the date and if he does, would he reach out to tell Victor Happy Birthday? But how cruel would that be, for Victor to only hear his voice or get his letter once in a year? And how long before Yuuri forgets him altogether? Victor thinks he’ll be okay with that anyway. He’ll take what he can get for as long as he can get it.

3 weeks turn into 2 weeks, then one, and finally it’s only 1 more day. 

Yuuri still doesn't text. He still doesn't call.

Victor doesn't get any letters. 

Victor is useless the night before. Chris has locked him out of his office so he takes a drive instead. He goes to Laskoviy beach and sits by the shore until he can’t feel his fingers from the cold, harsh wind. His suit is ruined with sand so he walks to his house, the one where Yuuri stayed for a couple of months. He strips out of his suit and lies on the bed. 

He thinks he can smell bergamot and roses, and it’s enough to lull him to sleep. He dreams of amber eyes and soft, sweet lips. 

_______________________________

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, poor Victor! Terrible of Yakov to put doubt in his mind XD 
> 
> Chapter title is from Hozier's Work Song. I think I also forgot to mention but the last chapter's title is from Hozier's Movement. 
> 
> Also, I do not know anything about medicine/treatment, I work in STEM, not Medicine so any mention of surgeries/treatments I just got from Google ;D. I keep forgetting to mention but I don't have a beta for my work so any mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments on my last chapter, I love you all and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. <3
> 
> Comments are loved and I enjoy hearing from all of you. Stay safe and healthy everyone!


	8. You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are when you're lying in my arms, baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor wakes up and immediately realizes there’s someone else in the house. He grabs the gun he’s stashed under his pillow, takes quiet steps to the door-
> 
> Roses and bergamot. 
> 
> He sets down his gun and runs out, uncaring for his state of undress because he needs to know. He almost trips on his own feet as he stutters into a halt-
> 
> -Yuuri is standing over the kitchen island making himself a cup of tea. It’s so normal that Victor wonders if it’s perhaps a dream. He doesn’t even want to speak, afraid that something will shatter this illusion in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am so sorry for getting this chapter out much later than usual! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos from my last chapter. I really appreciate all of your kind words and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.
> 
> I can't think of any warnings for this chapter but please let me know if I need to update the tags for anything.

Yuuri stares down at his train ticket and looks at the "Welcome to Moscow" sign right above the train station. This city has been his home and he will miss the daily hustle and bustle and the sound of the train as it passed by his apartment.

He sits down to wait for his train when his phone rings. It’s an unknown number but he answers anyway, “Hello, this is Yuuri.”

Yakov’s tone is brusque and gruff on the other end. “Yuuri, I heard you resigned from Lilia’s studio.” 

He’s certain Lilia told Yakov out of concern but he can’t help but feel a little upset. He is no longer a child, he can make choices if he wants to. “Yes, I did.”

“Is everything alright? Have you decided to take my offer after all?” 

Yuuri bites his lip at the thought of going back to Japan. A year ago, he might have been frightened out of his mind to come back, what with the threat of JJ’s influence and his desire for vengeance. But with JJ gone, he could go back without fear, and Yakov has offered him that opportunity countless times in the past few months. He could visit his family’s resting place, perhaps see Yuuko and Minako if they are still in Kyushu. 

But something keeps him here in Russia, or rather, someone. He tells Yakov, “No. Thank you, but I’m going to have to decline again. I’m sorry, Yakov.”

He ends the call before Yakov can start another argument to try and persuade him to change his mind. It’s too late now. He pulls up Yuri’s number from his contacts and presses ‘Call’. 

_____________________

“Took you long enough.” 

Yuuri winces at Yuri’s words, can already imagine the way Yuri is probably rolling his eyes on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry, Yuri. I just needed some time.” 

A brief pause. “Are you sure you want to do this?’

“Yeah, yeah I am.” He swallows the panic bubbling in his chest. He thinks about the apartment lease he didn’t renew and the resignation letter he gave Lilia 2 weeks ago. “It’s too late for me to turn back anyway.” 

“What? What are you talking about?” 

Yuuri laughs nervously, “I quit my job at the studio and didn’t renew my lease. I have nowhere else to go.” 

There’s shuffling in the background. " _Katsudon_ , what on earth were you thinking? Where are you now? Tell me and I’ll come to pick you up.” 

“I’m at the Moskovsky train station. I just arrived.” 

“Okay, wait for me there. I’ll meet you at the passenger pick up in about 10 minutes.”

“Okay, see you soon.” 

He ends the call and starts heading for the passenger pickup exit of the station. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t get his heart to calm down on the whole train ride back to St. Petersburg. He sits down on one of the benches and taps his fingers nervously against his leg. Just one more hour and he’ll see Victor again. 

He runs through all the possible scenarios that could happen. The best case is that Victor will be happy to see him and they can at least talk about everything that’s happened the past year. But Yuuri knows that is very unlikely to happen. He’s sure Victor is upset, Yuri’s told him as much. To what extent, he’s not really sure. Would Victor at least give him the chance to apologize and explain? 

He’s startled out of his reverie when Yuri pulls up and honks his horn loudly. Yuuri gets up and runs to the car, throwing himself to the passenger seat. He turns to Yuri, who’s watching him silently from the driver’s seat. “Hello,” he greets, “thank you for coming to pick me up. I’m sorry for the trouble.” 

Yuri rolls his eyes and shoves him playfully, muttering, “Yeah, I was scared you would get yourself lost or kidnapped if you tried to go home by yourself.” 

He shifts the car in drive and pulls away from the airport. But instead of driving in the direction of Victor’s estate, Yuuri notices that Yuri takes the road back to the main highway. “Yuri? Where are we going?” 

Yuri shrugs and explains, “Victor’s not at the estate. He’s at his house in Laskoviy beach.” 

“Oh? Why? Is he okay?” 

Yuri shakes his head and throws him a sideways glance. “I think you’ll find out for yourself soon enough.” Yuuri doesn’t know how to respond so the rest of the drive is spent in silence. 

But the drive is longer than Yuuri anticipated and it only served to worsen his anxiety. By the time Yuri parks in front of the beach house, grumbling about the sand that’s definitely under his car, Yuuri’s heart is thundering in his ears and he’s sure his face is now pallid and sweaty. 

He grips Yuri’s arm tightly and stammers, “I-I don’t think I can do this.”

“What do you mean?” 

Yuuri swallows and looks out the window of the car. It only takes about 10 steps to get to the front door, why does it feel like his feet have now turned to lead? He looks back at Yuri, “What if he doesn’t want me? What if I misunderstood everything? Maybe this is the wrong decision.” 

Yuri sighs and says, “I highly doubt that, Yuuri. Haven’t you been paying attention to all of our phone calls? Victor has been _miserable_ without you. If he does reject you, whatever reason he gives you is just a lie. Trust me on this.” 

He squeezes Yuuri’s hand in reassurance. “Whatever the outcome will be, I think you’ll be happier to know what it is anyway. Just remember, no matter what, I’ll still be here if you need me, okay? Just give me a call and I’ll come get you, take you anywhere you want to go. I promise.” 

Yuuri nods gratefully, “Okay. Thank you, Yuri. Thank you for everything.” 

He gives Yuri one last hug before he steps out of the car and heads for the front door.

_______________________

Victor wakes up and immediately realizes there’s someone else in the house. He grabs the gun he’s stashed under his pillow, takes quiet steps to the door-

Roses and bergamot. 

He sets down his gun and runs out, uncaring for his state of undress because he _needs to know_. He almost trips on his own feet as he stutters into a halt-

-Yuuri is standing over the kitchen island making himself a cup of tea. It’s so normal that Victor wonders if it’s perhaps a dream. He doesn’t even want to speak, afraid that something will shatter this illusion in front of him.

Yuuri looks up and startles at the sight of him. He gives a soft, apologetic smile and says, “Good morning. Yuri told me you were here. The door was unlocked so I let myself in. I’m sorry if I scared you.” He bites his lips, waiting for a reply. When Victor says nothing, his brows furrow in concern. “...Victor?” 

Victor is standing still, mouth opening and closing as he thinks of what on earth to say. He tries to take a step forward but his legs completely fail him, giving out and sending him sprawling onto the hardwood floor. 

“Victor!” Yuuri runs toward him, barely catching him with arms around his chest. “Victor, are you okay?” 

Yuuri guides him down on the floor, arms now wrapped around his waist. Victor reaches both hands up to cup Yuuri’s face and he feels warm, solid, and _real_. For what feels like forever, he says nothing; just stares at Yuuri’s face like he’s expecting him to disappear in a puff of air if he even so much as blinks.

Yuuri is still so beautiful. A year apart has done him well. His hair is longer and thicker and Victor can’t help curling his fingers at the base of Yuuri’s neck. There is a lightness in Yuuri’s face, from the crinkle in his eyes and the soft curve of his lips that seems to brighten up the rest of him. Victor feels something ugly and dark stabbing him right in his chest.

Perhaps Yuuri’s moved on but Victor feels like he’s standing still, feet trapped in the past where the memory of Yuuri still lingers _,_ where he was still the only one for Yuuri. But he clings to the hope that at least Yuuri has come back to him, whatever the reason may be. 

“Y-Yuuri,” he finally says, almost a whisper. Then, more reverently, “ _Yuuri,_ have you come back to me? _”_

Yuuri positively beams at him and nods, tears now welling at the edges of those wide amber eyes that have haunted Victor’s dreams for the past year. He presses his forehead against Victor’s and whispers, _“I’m home, Victor_.” 

Victor can’t help the broken cry that comes out of him. He pulls Yuuri close, presses his face at the crook of Yuuri’s neck, and inhales deeply. This past year has been nothing but a constant wave of torment that Victor was certain he would not survive. But all the suffering seems so far away now because Yuuri is in his arms and calm finally overtakes him. Everything feels right again. _This is where he’s meant to be._

They eventually stand up and Victor doesn’t protest when Yuuri leads him back to the bedroom. They both sit on the edge of the bed, side by side with their thighs touching.

Victor looks at Yuuri, still trying to figure out what to say. There are so many questions he wants to ask but he doesn’t even know if he has any right to ask them. So he settles for something cordial and neutral. “How’s Moscow?” 

The way Yuuri looks at him with an exasperated kind of fondness tells Victor that Yuuri’s seen through him anyway. “Good, a lot busier than St. Petersburg though. Lilia offered me a position with one of her touring groups right before I left.” 

_Ah. Perhaps this is goodbye, after all,_ Victor thinks and he feels his heart slowly begin to shatter. At least he’ll have a chance to say goodbye. “That’s wonderful, Yuuri. I think you’ll do great-”

Yuuri shakes his head, “No, no, I turned her down, Victor. Of course, I did.” 

“Then why are you here, Yuuri?” Victor regrets his tone as soon as he says it. He doesn’t mean to sound so cold but he just can’t allow himself to hope. It’s too much. He’s been living on a very thin thread of hope this past year and he almost didn’t live through it. He knows he won’t survive it a second time. 

There’s a flicker of hurt that flashes across Yuuri’s face. His voice sounds deflated when he asks, “Do you not want me here?” 

How can Yuuri even begin to think like this? Does he not realize the hell Victor willingly went through just for him? 

Was it not Yuuri whose absence was enough to leave Victor uncaring and defenseless that he forgets to _lock the fucking door_ despite years of training and paranoia? The same person who Victor flew the other side of the world for, killed hundreds of people without batting an eye for? The only person to ever make Victor wish his life was different? So why is Yuuri the one who is now looking so uncertain of where he stands in Victor’s mind, unsure if he even means anything to Victor? 

Victor sounds a mixture of confused and frustrated when he says, “Yuuri, of course, I want you here. I never even wanted you to leave. I just don't know why you would come back here.” The words _after all this time_ remain unspoken but Victor thinks Yuuri’s heard it anyway.

“Did you really not think I would come back, Victor?” 

Victor laughs but there is no humor in it. “No, I didn’t; especially not after you left for Moscow. It felt too stupid to hope.” 

Sadness takes over Yuuri’s features and his eyes begin to tear up. He grabs Victor’s hands and kisses his knuckles, saying, “I’m so sorry it took so long for me to come back. I just needed some time.” 

Victor tries to keep his tone gentle this time when he asks, “Needed time for what? Where have you been?” 

After a few moments of silence, Yuuri replies, “I got a call from Yakov about 2 months after I moved out here.”

Victor grimaces and looks away. Of course, Yakov would.

“He told me everything. About how you went back to Japan while I was unconscious and everything you had done. He also told me what you told him… about us. About _me_. And I know he told you to let it go because it wouldn’t work out.” 

Victor sighs, heart heavy with the expectation of rejection, and pulls away from Yuuri’s touch. “Yuuri, that’s not-” 

Yuuri stops him with a tight grip on his arm. He raises his voice slightly when he asks, “That’s why you told me to leave, wasn’t it?”

Victor nods, eyes filled with sadness and voice filled with regret. He yanks his arm away and gets off the bed. “Yes, yes it was.” 

But Yuuri follows closely, eyes alight with anger, “Why did you not come to me? Why did you not tell me? You should have said something!” 

Victor turns around swiftly with a growl. He yells back, “Why? What difference would it have made?” He points an accusing finger at Yuuri and seethes, “ _You’re_ the one who left! _You’re_ the one who packed up and went to Moscow without even telling me why!”

Yuuri doesn’t back down, doesn’t even flinch at his tone. The air between them is heavy with pent up frustrations now overflowing in waves. Yuuri is yelling now too, “Well, just so you know, Yakov offered to fly me back to Japan and I almost took him up on it!”

Victor rears back like he’s just been burned. He knew nothing of Yakov offering to fly Yuuri back to Japan, even though that was the one thing Victor begged him not to do. During their phone call, he begged Yakov to at least let Yuuri stay in Russia, under the pretense of keeping him safe (when in reality, Victor had really hoped someday Yuuri might decide to come back, no matter how long it took). But Yakov had gone back on his word, it seems. 

And Victor might have wanted Yuuri to come back, but not like this. Not so they could scream at each other and pick at wounds that have barely healed. Yet, here they are now and Victor is too angry to turn back. He spits out, harshly, “Well, why didn’t you? It’s not like you had much reason to stay here anyway! And even if you did, it sure as hell wasn’t for me. You didn’t even bother calling or writing to me as soon as you had a chance to leave. Did you want to get away from me that badly?” 

Yuuri groans in frustration, “ _God,_ how can you even say that to me? You’re the one to fucking talk! You never called, never even asked me how I was doing after I left! It’s like you _wanted_ me to forget about you!” He looks away and sobs brokenly, “Do you have any idea what that did to me? At first, I kept thinking that when you asked me to leave, that must have been your answer for me. That you must not have cared about me if you were just willing to let me go because of what someone else told you. You would rather believe what someone else tells you than coming to me!” He covers his face with his hands as another sob escapes him, and another, each one louder and more anguished than the last. 

Victor reaches out to him but doesn’t touch, doesn’t know if he’s even allowed after what’s just happened. It takes a while for Yuuri to calm down from crying. When he pulls his hands away, his face is red and blotchy, tear stains still visible down his cheeks. Victor feels like his Alpha wants to claw at his chest until he bleeds to death for hurting his mate like this. He can’t stop himself this time from touching Yuuri, cradling his face tightly and pressing their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry, Yuuri. I’m so fucking sorry. I swear to you, I didn’t mean any of it. I would take it all back if I could. I’m sorry.” 

Yuuri clings to him just as tightly and whispers, “I know, I know.” He tilts his head back to look up at Victor. “I eventually realized that you didn’t mean any of it.”

“For how long?” 

Yuuri answers quietly, like he’s revealing a deep secret, “I think right after Yuri came back from visiting you at the estate. He told me you looked miserable.” 

Victor doesn’t bother denying it. “I was. I think at some point I didn’t even feel like I was alive anymore. I felt so…” His brows furrow, trying to find the words to describe it. 

Yuuri beats him to it when he says, “Empty?” 

“Yeah, I felt so empty.” 

Yuuri smiles, it’s small but it’s there nonetheless and Victor feels so weak at the sight of it that he could fall to his knees, especially when Yuuri says, “I felt exactly the same.”

“So why did you not come back? If you’ve known for that long?” 

“Would you have believed me? The last time we talked, you said that even if I made the first move, you would only tell yourself that you pressured me or forced me to do it and I didn’t want that. So I went along with what you wanted. At first, I thought if I just gave you space and some time apart, that would be enough, that I could come back and we could work it out. But then, I remembered something else you said. You believed my feelings might not be genuine just because you’ve been kind to me. That maybe I was afraid of what the alternative might be if I were to fend for myself out here, with no friends or family to fall back on and that’s why I’ve convinced myself that my feelings for you ran deeper than just the friendship we’ve built. That’s when I realized the situation didn’t really change much, even if we were apart from each other. I still lived in your house, you still provided for me, and I was afraid you’d still be able to give me the same excuse. So I left. I started looking for a job. But I swear, I didn’t mean to move so far away from you. I only happened to tell Lilia about it and she offered me a position as an assistant instructor in one of her studios in Moscow. She also helped me find an apartment there that I could afford.”

Victor could only watch, so broken-hearted, as Yuuri began to cry again. “It was so _awful_. Being so far away from you, being so uncertain about what on earth I was even doing -it was so, so awful. Some days I missed you so much I thought I could just _die_ from the pain and the emptiness I felt. But I didn't want to give up on you -on _us-_ so I had to keep going. I would have done whatever it took for you to accept me and believe that my intentions were honest and real. Because,” he smiled through the tears, “You made me want to become the person who deserved you, someone who was worthy of your love and your trust. Only then, I felt like I could go home.” 

Home. 

Home to Victor, because Victor is the only home he’d ever wanted to share. The only home he wants to come back to. 

Yuuri's smile grows wider, soft and sweet, when he confesses, “I love you, Victor. Please let me stay by your side from now on.” 

Victor feels like he can’t breathe. “Are you sure, Yuuri? I mean, you are so young, you can have whoever you want. Why me?” _Please say yes. Please._

Yuuri’s eyes are so fucking tender and honest when he says, “Even when I felt so uncertain with the future, you were the only thing I was sure of. I made a promise to you that night. I told you I would come back and now I’m here. I’ve lived my life as any free man could. I’ve seen it all and I still want you, no one else. And do you remember the promise you gave me in return?”

Victor nods, tears flowing freely down his face, “Yes, of course, I do.” He doesn’t fight it, he’d promised Yuuri that. No more excuses. No more listening to the voice in his head. So he says, “I love you,” because it’s the right thing to say.

Because Yuuri deserves to hear it back.

Yuuri, who, in only a few words, can leave Victor breathless; who’s the first to look at Victor not as something that needs fixing, but someone who is just enough, just as he is; who never asked about Victor’s past, never judged him for all the wrong he’s done, just took his hand and whatever skeletons trailed behind him without question; it’s him who deserves everything Victor has to offer.

Because Yuuri chose to come back to him and loves him just as much as he loves Yuuri. Loves him with the strength of a thousand suns, with the severity that Victor himself could be burned by it. 

He loves Yuuri enough to let him go, let him make the choice, and Yuuri loves him enough to forgive, to come back. 

Yuuri chose _him_. 

But still, he cannot stop himself from worrying. Is this really the life Yuuri wants for himself? What if it all becomes too much? Will Yuuri stick around when Victor’s insecurities slowly come spilling out? Yuuri is young, he can get whoever Alpha or Beta he wants without even trying. What if one day he realizes Victor’s baggage is too heavy to bear alone? Before Victor can stop himself and the words come tumbling out, “Yuuri, I need you to know that I can’t promise things between us will be easy. I’m not a good man. I am so scared that one day, I’ll end up hurting you and it’s something we won’t be able to recover from. I’m also afraid that being with me is only going to put you in a lot of danger. And you are so _young_ and, fuck, I don’t even know how long _I_ have left to live. What happens then?” 

Yuuri answers without hesitation, “Then I promise to love you until that time comes, and even a little more after that. Because there is no way I could ever love anyone else, even though many have offered.” 

Victor can’t help the pang of jealousy that he feels. “And why do you not think you’d be better off with them? 

Yuuri responds with such a matter-of-fact tone, “Because none of them were you, and that was a big problem for me.” The soft smile is back on his face when he says, “I only ask in return that you keep holding on to me, no matter how difficult things may be. I don’t want you to hide from me because you’re afraid it will be too much for me to handle. Tell me about your fears, your dreams, and your worries. Tell me everything and, I promise you, I will meet you where you are.” 

Victor says it sounds like a marriage proposal, tries to say it lightly to mask his rapidly beating heart.

But then Yuuri takes a box with 2 gold bands from his pocket and says, “What if it is? What would your answer be?” 

And Victor has already fallen for this man many, many times over. But he falls all over again, fast and dizzying, at that very moment.

He says yes, of course, even though he thinks this isn’t how it’s supposed to go down. He’s supposed to court Yuuri, give him everything in the world he can desire, then propose to him somewhere quiet, but memorable. He tells Yuuri as much but Yuuri just laughs and shakes his head, saying none of that matters to him. The only thing he wants is Victor, the only thing he’ll ever need for the rest of their lives. 

Victor thinks he must have dreamed Yuuri into being. How can he be so lucky to find someone who accepts him completely? He doesn’t know what it is, this feeling that rushes through him like a drug, setting his whole body and soul ablaze, but he decides to call it love, even though he’s certain it’s something stronger than that. 

It is, singularly, the best feeling in the world. 

He slides one of the rings onto Yuuri's right ring finger, and he trembles when Yuuri does the same and kisses the scars on his knuckles.

Victor, a devout atheist, destined for a one-way ticket to hell, finds heaven in Yuuri’s lips against his. He finally believes in the promise of paradise when Yuuri leads him back to bed, pushes him down, and settles on top to kiss him again, this time more heated and desperate. He would gladly worship Yuuri, kneel at his feet, and kiss every inch of that pale, smooth skin if it was the last thing he could ever do. 

Yuuri’s hands begin to wander down his body with purpose, trailing all over the scars on his shoulders and chest. The scar tissues are thick and usually, Victor feels nothing there but now, each of Yuuri’s featherlight touches feels like heat and ice all at once. 

He feels desire uncoiling from deep inside of him, urgent and fiery. His heartbeat starts to go faster and faster, thundering against his chest, and his ears are ringing from the blood rush. _God,_ he wants to take Yuuri apart. Wants to kiss and mark every inch of his skin, show him exactly all the ways Victor can make him feel so good. 

He rolls them over, pinning Yuuri’s hands above his head. He noses at Yuuri’s neck, right under his ear, and just inhales as much of that scent as his lungs will allow. Yuuri’s scent doesn’t appease Victor. If anything, it only makes his Alpha more greedy, more ravenous. His gums are throbbing painfully as his canines lengthen, ready to bite down and _claim_. His mind is hazy from pleasure, drunk on Yuuri’s scent, and the taste of his skin. Victor opens his mouth wide and leans in. Yuuri is so close and so delectable-

He groans and pulls away with a gasp. _What was he just about to do_? 

“Yuuri, wait,” he says, panting hard as he tries to gather his senses. He feels sweat beading in his forehead and he feels too hot, even though a pair of boxers is the only article of clothing he has on. He can’t allow himself to fall into baser instincts. Yuuri deserves better than to be taken by some animal. “We can’t.” 

But Yuuri reaches out for him with a whimper, looking so lost and rejected. W-why not?” 

Victor grabs his hands to still them. “I think we need to take it slow. I… can't trust myself to stay in control.” 

“What if I don’t want you to?” Yuuri says, as he forces his way back into Victor's lap. It sounds so fucking sinful the way Yuuri whispers against his lips, “Victor, please, I want this. Won’t you give me what I want?” 

_Fuck._ Victor has to shut his eyes and take a slow, shaky breath to calm down. Yuuri knows by now that this is one of his greatest weaknesses. Whatever Yuuri asks for, Victor will give him. He cannot deny Yuuri anything, doesn't have a strong enough will for both of them to do it. He’s supposed to be the voice of reason, he’s much older and should be able to reign himself in. But when he opens his eyes again and he sees the state Yuuri’s in, from his dilated pupils, his flushed cheeks, down to his lips kissed and bitten red, Victor feels his control begin to crumble. 

He pulls Yuuri into a rough, wet kiss and pushes him back on the bed. He tugs at the bottom of Yuuri’s shirt and mumbles, “Off, off.” Yuuri complies wordlessly, almost ripping the garment in his haste to take it off, while Victor works on unbuckling the belt of his jeans. He pulls Yuuri’s pants and boxers down in one move, tossing them carelessly on the floor. 

He rakes his eyes down Yuuri’s body, salivating at the expanse of smooth skin waiting, _begging_ to be touched. Yuuri’s skin is pale and smooth; a plain, pristine canvas compared to Victor’s marred and garish one. 

“You’re so beautiful, _Zolotse,”_ Victor murmurs against Yuuri’s lips. Yuuri moans and wraps his arms around Victor’s neck, whispering right in his ear, “Make me yours, Victor. Please.” 

Victor curses and fists tightly at the sheets, hearing them tear under his vice-like grip. “ _Fuck_ , Yuuri, the things you do to me, I swear.” 

He kisses Yuuri once more before he leans back, sitting on his heels. He parts Yuuri’s legs runs his hands down Yuuri’s creamy inner thigh and kisses the supple skin of his knees. When he slides a finger inside of him, Victor wonders how he could have possibly resisted this. How could he have ever thought he could say no to having Yuuri in his bed, coming undone with just the touch of his hands? 

He begins to thrust his finger in and out, watching Yuuri’s reaction closely for any signs of pain or discomfort. Then he slips a second finger, scissoring Yuuri open. He places a hand low on Yuuri’s abdomen, feeling him relax and open up under his fingers as he adds a third, then a fourth. 

Yuuri slowly comes apart underneath him, rocking down on his fingers, driving them so much deeper. Victor is transfixed at the sight and would have been content to watch Yuuri fall apart like this and feel Yuuri’s slick drenching his palm down to his wrists. “ _Fuck,_ Yuuri, you are so beautiful like this. I swear I could fucking look at you like this forever.” 

But Yuuri sobs and pleads so prettily, “Please, Victor. I’m ready, please.” Victor nods in understanding and pulls his fingers out gently. He procures a condom and rolls it on. “If it hurts at any point, tell me okay? And, if I don’t listen, kick me hard on my ribs,” he says, before slowly pushing in. Yuuri’s face contorts in what he quickly assumes is pain and he stops, moving back to pull out. He feels so upset with himself for rushing. Yuuri is so young and has never had anyone like this before. Of course, he thought he was ready. Victor should have known better. How could he hurt Yuuri like this, what is he thinking-

Yuuri moans his name before he can pull out completely. Then, Yuuri tilts his hips up, just enough for a little more of Victor’s cock to slip inside and Victor can’t help groaning in pleasure. He sees the way Yuuri’s thighs tremble as he takes more of Victor’s cock inside of him, and he keeps going until Victor is fully seated, bottoming out. 

Victor is shaking now too. He moves the hand he still has on Yuuri’s abdomen soothingly up and down, feeling the muscles tensing and releasing under his touch. “Yuuri, are you okay?” 

Yuuri nods, hands coming up to squeeze Victor’s shoulder reassuringly. He says, breathlessly, “Yes, I’m okay. I'm okay.” 

But Victor isn’t so sure if _he’s_ okay. Yuuri is so hot and so tight around him that he has to bite down on the inside of his cheeks just to keep himself from coming so quickly. He grabs tightly onto the metal railing of the headboard with one hand and the other he uses as support as he leans down to catch Yuuri’s lips in a bruising kiss. 

He leans back up and pushes one of Yuuri’s legs towards his chest before rolling his hips forward slowly, trying to gauge if Yuuri’s adjusted enough. 

Yuuri’s eyes roll back and he bites his lower lips, rocking down to meet Victor’s thrust. Victor doesn’t know how long he’s going to last when Yuuri looks like this, such a beautiful mess, writhing and moaning his name like it’s the only thing he knows. He begins to snap his hips faster, setting a brutal pace to take them both over the edge. But then Yuuri tilts his head to the side, baring the long line of his neck, now damp with a sheen of sweat, and says, “Mark me, Victor please.” 

Victor’s thrusts stutter to a stop. “A-are you sure? Yuuri, it’s-”

Yuuri chokes off a sob. Tears are flowing freely down his face, hands grasping desperately at Victor’s arms. “Yes, I’m sure. Please, let me have this. Please, give me what I want.”

Victor swears there is an audible sound as his already threadbare control finally snaps. He sits back on his heels and hauls Yuuri up into his lap. He wraps one hand across Yuuri’s back, fingers pulling at Yuuri’s hair to tilt his head to the side, and the other grips onto the headboard. He feels his canines protruding to their full length, dull pain spreading through his gums. He licks at the spot below Yuuri’s ear, letting out a satisfied growl, and opens his mouth wide.

He bites down. 

He groans as Yuuri’s blood hits his tongue, his grip on the metal bars of the headboard tightens until they bend under the force of his grip. 

Yuuri’s blood is just as sweet as the rest of him. Victor drinks two slow gulps before breaking away, afraid he’ll drink Yuuri dry if he doesn’t stop now. He feels intoxicated, warm, and heady like he’s just drunk the most exquisite wine. He licks at the bitemark to soothe it, murmuring quiet praises to Yuuri’s skin, “You did so well, Yuuri. So beautiful for me, so good for me, _Zolotse._ I love you, I love you.” 

Yuuri’s eyes are partially closed, his face is wet with tears, and he is breathing in shallow pants. He whines needily, chasing after Victor’s lips and Victor meets him halfway in a wet, lazy kiss that quickly turns heated. “Victor, come on,” Yuuri demands, grinding his hips down against Victor’s. 

Victor’s thrusts pick up again and Yuuri mewls in his arms, clenching even tighter around his cock. He wraps both arms around Yuuri’s body, keeping him still as he thrusts up, pace fast and hard that Yuuri lacks all wherewithal but to grapple at his shoulders and just _hold on._

When Yuuri gasps and shudders after one particular thrust, Victor knows he’s found that spot inside of him that can make him come undone. So he presses there, again and again, trying to bring Yuuri up and over the brink of climax. He kisses bruises on Yuuri’s neck and whispers, “You are so good to me, Yuuri. You have no idea how you make me feel. It’s like you were made just for me, it's like I dreamed you into being. _Like you’re meant to be mine_.” 

Those words are enough for Yuuri to come untouched, mouth parting open in a silent scream as he spills between them. After, he slumps against Victor’s chest, boneless and exhausted. 

Victor lays him back down on the bed. “Yuuri, can I?”

Yuuri nods and spreads his legs wider, beckoning Victor with his hands as he says, “Yes, yes, it’s okay. Come here.” He makes such a perfect, wanton picture that Victor has to look away and grip at the base of his cock to stop himself from coming right then and there. 

He crawls up and slots himself between Yuuri’s thighs and slowly presses back inside. He takes one of Yuuri’s outstretched hands and kisses his palm. 

Yuuri shivers at the touch and Victor, emboldened by his reaction, presses an open-mouthed kiss to his palm and each of his fingers, delighting in the way Yuuri closes his eyes and flushes down to his chest.

He keeps pressing open-mouthed kisses to Yuuri’s hand as he resumes the roll of his hips, slow and deep. Yuuri throws his head back when Victor thrusts just _so_ , hitting that spot inside of him that’s already so sensitive and overstimulated. 

Victor smirks and keeps pressing there, wanting to bring Yuuri pleasure once more. It doesn’t take long before Yuuri’s back arches as he comes a second time, Victor’s name like a prayer on his lips. 

Victor’s orgasm follows right after, no longer able to hold himself back. He thrusts in one last time, as deep as he can go, and comes hard with a groan of Yuuri’s name. The intensity of it feels like the air is being punched out of his lungs, leaving him with his chest heaving and his body shaking down to his knees. He collapses on top of Yuuri, both of them panting harshly.

When he's finally able to catch his breath, he tries to pull out but Yuuri stops him with a hand to his arm, “Not yet. Stay inside please.” 

It’s only then that he can really take in Yuuri’s state. He looks completely debauched and _owned._ His hair is sticking to his face from sweat, chest rising and falling as he pants harshly, and his neck is littered with bruises and there’s blood still smeared from Victor’s bite mark, stark red against his pale skin. 

He is the most beautiful thing Victor’s ever seen. 

Victor brushes Yuuri’s hair back and kisses the side of his head. His voice is raw with emotion and he feels tears welling in his eyes when he says, “I love you, darling. You are absolutely perfect. I am completely yours, body and soul.” 

Yuuri smiles and wipes his tears away. “I love you, too. I’m so lucky to be yours.” 

For all the sins Victor’s ever committed, Yuuri is the only atonement he will ever want. 

  
  
  
They stay like that for a while, neither one wanting to pull away from each other just yet. Victor eventually sits up and pulls out as gently as he could, murmuring apologies when Yuuri winces from how sensitive he still feels.

Victor tosses the condom in the bin and heads to the bathroom to grab a warm washcloth. He cleans Yuuri up, paying close attention to wiping the blood from Yuuri’s bonding mark. When he finally crawls into bed, Yuuri immediately rolls over to lay on his chest and he wraps his arms around Yuuri to keep him close. He presses a kiss to Yuuri’s forehead and whispers sweet nothings to him until his breath evens out as he drifts off to sleep. 

Victor follows him soon after, Yuuri’s weight and warmth finally lulling him into a deep and peaceful slumber. 

  
  


___________________________________

Victor wakes up just before sunrise. He sees the barely-there flickers of light through the curtains. It’s the first time he’s woken up not drenched in sweat, startling awake from a nightmare. The solid weight resting on his chest is the sole reason. He looks down at Yuuri, his life, his love, his _mate_. He thumbs at Yuuri’s cheekbone and smiles at the way Yuuri unconsciously leans into his touch.

In the stillness of the morning, Victor feels overcome with a sense of gratitude and something else he can’t quite place. His tears come, unbidden, when he thinks of how fucking lucky he is to be the one holding Yuuri like this. He murmurs, “I love you,” and presses a kiss against Yuuri’s hair.

_______________________________

  
  


He doesn’t even realize he’s drifted back to sleep until he’s woken up by a loud banging in the front door. He lifts his head, waiting to see who it is. Then, he hears jingling keys and familiar footsteps stomping purposefully loud across the living room. 

“You guys better not be fucking in there! Spare my innocent ears! I’m just here to remind Victor that we’re waiting for him back at the mansion!” 

Yuri’s smart enough not to walk in, thank goodness. And Victor leans back on the pillow when he hears the TV being turned on and the volume turned almost all the way up. 

He kisses Yuuri’s forehead, and coaxes him to full wake, “Darling, I’m afraid there’s an angry child in our kitchen.” 

Yuuri smiles, eyes still closed, and presses ever closer to Victor, groaning in protest. He presses a sweet kiss to Victor’s cheek, murmuring, “Good morning,” before pulling away to sit up and stretch. Victor can’t help admiring the expanse of his back, now marked with bruises that match the bow of Victor’s lips and the curve of his fingers. He bites his lips, unsure of why he feels so nervous all of a sudden. He worries if Yuuri regrets what they did the night before, or if his plea to be marked was just caused by the haze of pleasure and nothing more. 

Yuuri seems to read his mind because he says, “I’m okay, Victor.” 

Victor sits up, moving closer to run a hand on Yuuri’s back. He murmurs, “Are you sure? How are you feeling?” 

Yuuri smiles and crawls into his lap. It's quite a sight, one Victor knows he'll never tire of. Yuuri naked in his lap, hair sticking up every which way and his cheek red where it was pressed against his chest. He wonders again if this is all a dream. But then Yuuri wraps his arms around Victor’s neck and leans in for a kiss. His lips are warm and sweet, and the press of his tongue against Victor’s own is so real and hypnotizing that all of his doubts just melt away. 

When he feels Victor relax, Yuuri sighs blissfully against his lips, “You make me feel so happy,” another kiss, “and content,” another kiss, “and loved.” He leans back just enough to tilt his head to the side, proudly displaying Victor’s mark that’s just below his ear. “You make me feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.” 

Victor pushes him back on the bed, already eager to show Yuuri just how _hard_ he agrees with the sentiment. Yuuri pretends to protest, saying something about needing a shower and not keeping Yuri waiting but Victor nips at his lower lip, and whatever else he meant to say is lost in the sound of his moans. 

It takes them a while to even get out of bed.

_________________________

By the time they come out of the bedroom, Yuri has fallen asleep on the couch, TV blaring music loudly in his attempt to drown out any noise. 

Victor and Yuuri share a smile and decide not to wake him up. They both head to the kitchen, where Yuuri busies himself in making them cups of coffee. 

The soft morning light coming from the windows basks him in a gentle shade of yellow, just enough for the gold in his eyes to shine through. Victor’s feet move before he can think, walking up behind Yuuri and wrapping arms around his waist. It’s an incomparable delight, Victor finds, that he can do something like this just because he _can._

Yuuri turns in his arms and leans in to kiss his lips, once, twice, quick and teasing. Victor chases the warmth and moves his hands up Yuuri’s neck, keeping him still for a proper kiss. They stay like this for a while, swaying slightly to the music from the television, sharing lazy morning kisses, unhurried and uncaring for anything else in the world but each other. 

It's here that Victor realizes the word he was looking for. He smiles and murmurs, "R _etrouvailles,_ " in Yuuri’s ears.

Yuuri turns, brows furrowed in askance, “Hmm?” 

Victor just shakes his head and says, “I love you, Yuuri. Please stay by my side for as long as you can.” 

"Forever," Yuuri answers, "That will be forever." 

Victor nods and kisses his forehead, pulling him in for a tight embrace, vowing to never let go. 

“Ugh, you guys are the fucking worst.” They turn around to see Yuri glaring up at them from the couch, although the venom is lost with how his hair is sticking up and he’s wiping drool off his cheek. 

_____________________

Yakov gets to his office Monday morning and one of his subordinates greets him with a nervous smile. 

“Chief Inspector, a letter came for you early this morning,” he says and hands a plain, white envelope. It’s completely blank of any sender/receiver information. In the eyes of an untrained officer, it would seem like an anonymous sender. “We already checked for any substance on the outside but we didn’t find anything. I still don’t think you should open it, sir.” 

Yakov grunts and waves his hand in dismissal. “Nonsense. I know exactly who sent it to me.” He walks to his office and mutters, “Nobody bother me for the next half hour, understand?” 

Once he’s safely inside, he heads to his desk and grabs his lighter from his pocket. He flicks the lighter until a small flame comes out and he runs it over the envelope, shaking his head as markings begin to appear. Just as he suspected. Only _he_ would go through all this trouble. 

_To: Yakov Feltsman_

He cuts the top of the envelope neatly with a letter opener and takes out a glossy stationery, powder blue. He reads the letter once, twice, and once more just to be sure, his hands shaking once he confirms it says exactly what it says

  
  


_The pleasure of your company is requested by_

_V.N and Y.K_

_To celebrate their marriage during their bonding ceremony on the 10th of October, 6:00 PM._

_Nikiforov Estate, St. Petersburg, Russia_

There is a first-class ticket to St. Petersburg paperclipped with the invitation. Behind it, Yakov sees a black and white photo of Victor and Yuuri. They are in the kitchen Yakov remembers is from Victor’s house in Laskoviy beach. 

They are leaning against a large marble island, Victor’s arms are around Yuuri’s waist and Yuuri’s are around his neck. There is something so soft in the way Victor looks down at Yuuri, a small, genuine smile on his face that Yakov hasn’t seen since he was just a child. 

Whoever took the photo must have candidly taken it, as the two don’t even seem aware that there’s someone else in the room. It’s rare to see Victor looking so open around someone and Yakov can’t help the pride and happiness he feels that Victor’s finally found something he probably never even thought he wanted.

Yakov turns the photo around and he sees a note in Yuuri’s handwriting. 

_Yakov,_

_Many times you had asked me to make a choice and said you would wait for an answer._

_Victor is my choice, and the ring on his finger is my answer. I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted to hear but know that I am so grateful for you and everything you’ve done for me._

_Thank you for everything,_

_Yuuri_

Yakov sighs and shakes his head. Those fools. There is no way Yakov could separate them now, no matter how he wishes Yuuri didn’t get involved in such a dangerous life. But, he supposes, it’s better that they are together than apart, anyway. 

He grabs his phone and sends a quick message to Victor. 

_“I’ll see you on the 10th. I swear if you make Yuuri so much as frown, I will fly there and kill you myself.”_

Not even 10 seconds later, Victor responds with: 

_“Don’t worry, I would be the first to shoot myself if that ever happens.”_

Yakov sighs again and closes his eyes. He already feels a migraine coming on.

Much later, when everyone else has left the office, he takes the bottle of 20-year old scotch he hides behind one of the cubbies of his bookshelf and pours himself a shot. He raises it towards the photo of the first class of officers he trained. In it, Mari stands in the middle, beaming, a medal of commendation around her neck, and her certificate in her hands. 

He says, "You've done well, Mari. Yuuri is going to be just fine." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >> Ah finally, some happiness for our boys. While I love a good pining story, I think it's time to give our boys a break and let them be happy :D
> 
> >>The chapter title is from Lana del Rey's song "California." I cried to her whole Norman Fucking Rockwell album and it pretty much inspired this chapter. 
> 
> >> Retrouvailles is one of those French words that don't have a specific English translation. But roughly, it means the joy you experience after reuniting with a loved one after a long time apart. I think it's just so beautiful and couldn't help putting it into this chapter. Also, if you hadn't guessed it, Yuri took a photo of them when they were being sweet and sentimental in the kitchen. Yuuri loves it and decides to send a copy to Yakov. 
> 
> >> As always, comments are welcome. I love hearing from all of you! Thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed it <3


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